Keri's thoughts

I definitely enjoyed this book, but I can't say that I loved this book. I always like books which switch perspectives so that you can get a different idea of things and hear each characters stories. I got confused about a couple of the characters though, particularly Isabelle and Antonia. I love books about food as well, so that element in this book appealed to me as well. I wish that there had been actual recipes included though.


1) When Claire first walks into Lillian’s, she reflects: “When was the last time she had been someplace where nobody knew who she was?” Is the anonymity of the kitchen a lure for Lillian’s students?

I liked that quote from Claire as I think it is something we've all felt at one moment or another. When you are surrounded by people who know nothing about you, it can be a little scary as well as a bit freeing. They don't know all your stories, or how you normally act and that can be in turns a wonderful opportunity to be someone new, or can give you a sense of intense loneliness and a desire to keep yourself for those who already know you. I'm not sure that I felt that the anonymity was a lure, mostly just a side note to their experience.

2) How did you respond to the story of Lillian’s upbringing? Would Lillian have been better off with a more traditional home life, like those of her school friends? Do you agree with Abuelita’s statement that “sometimes our greatest gifts grow from what we’re not given”?

I felt sadness for Lillian and her mother. I could understand the desire to lose oneself in books, and though it wasn't the "best" upbringing for Lillian it taught her to survive on her own and teach herself in a way that she never would have had her mother not been so depressed. I do believe that sometimes our greatest joys can stem from what we achieve instead of what we receive and Lillian seems to have created a happy future for herself in spite of the loneliness of her childhood.

3) Besides scenes from her childhood, the author discloses very little about Lillian. Why do you think she did this? How would the book be different if we knew more about Lillian’s day-to-day life?

I think that the point of the novel was not that Lillian was the main character...she was simply a piece of the puzzle of this particular cooking class. We learned bits about her as we learned bits about each other member...but it was never meant to be a full story for anyone. I think it is about how our experiences reflect on those we come into contact with - creating moments of shared joy or sadness and cause us to reflect on how our past brought us to that moment and where we can move on from there.

4) As a general rule, Lillian doesn’t give her students recipes. Why do you think she does this? What are the pros and cons of this approach to cooking?

I think that the reason she doesn't give recipes is because she sees food as something very personal to each person. Thus each person will add or subtract the ingredients or amounts that appeal or don't appeal to them in the moment that they create the food. The benefit of cooking is that you can have this freedom to add a pinch of this, or a dash of that, switch out this ingredient for another that you like better and taste and see how it turns out. This freedom can be a wonderful gift...but on the other hand it can be a total frustration for others. Some people want and need the structure and comfort of a set recipe which turns out time and time again exactly the way one wants or needs it. I personally like a little bit of both...I love recipes, but I feel free to play with it to suit me in that moment.

5) Did Helen do the right thing by telling Carl about her affair? How would their marriage — and Helen and Carl themselves — have evolved had he never learned the truth?

In their case, I think that Helen made the right choice in telling Carl about her affair. They were able to move on and improve their relationship due to her honesty and how they got through it. However, I don't believe it is always the right choice to make, as Aunt Annette said. Sometimes it is better to keep it to yourself, deal with the guilt and move on without unnecessarily hurting the other person in order to make yourself feel better by "sharing" the guilt and hurt. But for them, they seemed to need the shaking up that her admission of the affair provided and it ultimately made their marriage stronger.

6) Each of the character’s stories centers on a dish or ingredient which has a profound affect upon how they see themselves or the world. What connections do you see between Claire and the crabs? Between Chloe and tortillas? Tom and the pasta sauce?

I just browsed through those chapters and really am not sure what to write as an answer...so I guess I have nothing to say for this one. :)

7) Although we only see Charlie, Tom’s wife, in flashback, she seems to share Lillian’s love of essential ingredients. What do you make of Charlie’s statement that “We are all just ingredients. What matters is the grace with which you cook the meal”?

We all add something when we cook for others. Our joy, hospitality, even a little bit of how we see the world. We chose specific dishes that have meaning for us even if the only meaning is that we really love how it tastes. And I think that our love for something, or the someone that we cook for, will come through in the meal we present.

8) Chloe observes that Thanksgiving at her house is “about everyone being the same and if you’re not, eating enough so you won’t notice.” Is this something that our culture buys into in a larger sense? How does Lillian’s approach to food fly in the face of this idea?

I have to mention that even though I love Christmas, I think that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I don't love the foods, though I've come to appreciate them and enjoy what I do eat that one day of the year. But what I do love it that for our family at least it is a celebration of togetherness. We include immediate family, extended family, family friends, friends, strangers...anyone is welcomed and treated like a member of the family. We share in the preparations - though some contribute a greater portion, everyone brings something to the table. We share our prayers, our food, our laughter, even tears with each other...and then we also share in the clean up. I think that what our family does seems to capture a bit of what Lillian believed about food...but I know that it isn't necessarily how our culture behaves.

9) Isaac says to Isabelle that he thinks “we are each a ladder and a chair for the other.” What do you think he means? Are there people in your life who are or have been that for you?

I suppose that he meant that they were a support for each other in times of movement and in times of quiet? If this is what he means, then I have definitely had a variety of people who have been that for me over the years. Sometimes it is for only a short time, like my friend Megan on our two summer mission trips. I don't think either of us would have coped as well without each other there for support, love and encouragement...but we aren't close friends now. I think that God brings people into our lives all the time just exactly when we need them or when they need us...we just have to be open to the connection.

10) Lillian tells the class that “A holiday is a lot like a kitchen. What’s important is what comes out of it.” In what way do the kitchens in this book — Lillian’s childhood kitchen, the greasy spoon where Tom meets Charlie, the kitchen that Antonia saves from demolition — represent different celebrations of life? Is there a kitchen in your life that you associate with a particular celebration or emotional milestone?

I love kitchens and I think that they can be a very important part of a family life. My childhood memories of the kitchen include helping my Dad work in the kitchen at Fosters Freeze, "washing" dishes and licking the beaters, and learning to cook as I grew older and making fancy meals for my parents for their anniversary. Now my kitchen is one of my favorite rooms and a place that I want to be accessible for my guests and a place that they can feel at home.

11) At the end of the novel, Lillian reflects that: “She saw how connected [the students’] lives had become and would remain. Where did a teacher fit in the picture, she wondered, when there was no longer a class?” What do you think happens to Lillian once her class is disbanded? What do you imagine happens in to the other characters’ lives after the book ends?

I think that a memorable class with a memorable teacher is never forgotten and depending on how strong the connection is the students would try to maintain contact. I know that I have several teachers that are still part of my life even though many years have past since I was a part of their classrooms. I don't really think too much about what happened to the characters now...but I suppose that I assume that they are happy and sharing the things they learned with the other people in their lives.

12) What would be your essential ingredients?

If we are talking about actual ingredients I would probably say either lemon or garlic as both are something I use a lot and love the flavor of in many things. But otherwise, I would say that my essential ingredient is love. I feel so blessed by so much love in my life and can't imagine what I would be like if I didn't have this wonderful cocoon of love surrounding me as far back as I can remember. I know that not everyone feels this and that just makes me grateful and thank God once again that I somehow was blessed.

Some favorite quotes:

• "(Lillian) felt about her zester the way some women do about a pair of spiky red shoes - a frivolous splurge, good only for parties, bu oh so lovely...There were so few occasions for a zester, using it felt like a holiday."
• "(Claire) I remember my wedding cake...I was so hungry...Here was this incredible cake...I told my husband I was starving, and he took a fork and just stuck it in the side of the cake and fed me a bite. My mother and the photographer were furious, but I always tell James that was the moment when I married him."
• "Flour is like the guy in the movie who you don't realize is sexy until the very end...Butter is so much more alluring. But the thing is, flour is what holds a cake together."
• "And slowly, as he waited for illumination, what had happened each day - began to pile up against what he could not imagine, until the secret she couldn't keep became one more part of their lives, one more stick in the nest they had built of moments and promises, the first time he had seen her, the second time they had fought, his hand touching her hair as she nursed a baby. Carl was a bird-watcherl; he knew that not all sticks in a nest are straight."
• "Life is beautiful. Some people just remind you of that more than others."
• "Isabelle had always thought of her mind as a gardern...Every year the garden grew larger, the paths longer and more complicated. Meadows of memories...she knew memories were created whether one pondered them or not. She had always considered that one of the luxuries of growing older would be the chance to wander through the garden that had grown while she wasn't looking. She would sit on a bench and let her mind take every path, tend every moment she hadn't paid attention to, appreciate the juxtaposition of one memory against another."
• "(Isabelle) When she realized that there are many kinds of love and not all of them are obvious, that some wait, like presents in the back of the closet, until you are able to open them."
• "I think it is good to not know things sometimes...It makes everything...a possibility, if you don't know the answer."

Two Things

I believe it will Keri's choice next go around.

And, I just saw the trailer for the movie "My sister's Keeper". I can't wait until it comes out. I wonder how true to the book it will be.

Annette's View

Thanks Keri for posting the questions. I'll get to them in a minute. But first I need to preface my discussion with the fact I didn't really like this book. I wanted to like the book. And there were moments when I like parts of the book. There were characters who I liked. but all in all, the book bugged me. I felt that it was unrealistic. I found the ability of the characters to bond in seconds to be unbelievable. And they were able to reach levels of intimacy that are rare to achieve over time much less with a touch at a cooking class. Some of the authors writing was quite beautiful but at times she was trying too hard and it was just one simile/metaphor after another. Too much of a good thing. There were times when I just said "oh, come on". One example..Helen eats a bite of chocolate and it brings back memories. That part isn't hard to believe...I've had times when the taste or smell of something has taken me back to a different time/place. But Helen has not one...not two...but FOUR really detailed and intense memories off that one bite of chocolate...boomboomboom. This was really stretching things for me.

And they had convesations I don't think most people would have within 4 seconds of meeting one another. There is one on page 51 where Helen asks Claire "What do you do that makes you happy, just you? I just can't imagine a perfect stranger asking that of someone within 1 minute of meeting them. On page 66, there is a discussion of how Carl and Helen first dance which is the beginning of their relationship. But at the end of the dance, he says "your home". I mean really...who would say that? to someone after their first dance?

I thought the description of food and preparing the food was much better and the strongest part of the book. I enjoyed that part.

Okay, now to the Q&A

1) When Claire first walks into Lillian’s, she reflects: “When was the last time she had been someplace where nobody knew who she was?” Is the anonymity of the kitchen a lure for Lillian’s students?

I don't think the anonymity of the kitchen is what brought them to cooking class. It may be why they feel comfortable there though. However, the author brings everyone so close in such a short period of time that I would harldy say that the place is very anonymous after a couple of weeks.


2) How did you respond to the story of Lillian’s upbringing? Would Lillian have been better off with a more traditional home life, like those of her school friends? Do you agree with Abuelita’s statement that “sometimes our greatest gifts grow from what we’re not given”?

hmmm. better off? I always find that kind of question both interesting and perturbing. I think you end up where you end up and some make more with what they are given than others. Maybe its true some make up for what they are NOT given than others.

i did find it way too hard to believe that mashed potatos and mexican hot chocolate ahd the power to bring her mother out of such a profound depression. I think this is taking a metaphor way too far afield. Her mother was profoundly dysfunctional, I don't think you just wake up one day and say hmmm....hot chocolate...life beings again!


3) Besides scenes from her childhood, the author discloses very little about Lillian. Why do you think she did this? How would the book be different if we knew more about Lillian’s day-to-day life?

I really don't know, except that Lillian is kind of like the "magic fairy godmother" in the book...the mysterious seer....the waver of magic wand (in this case the magic spoon). the book really centers on how the author sees the participants in the cooking class growing and changing, not how Lillian grows and changes.


4) As a general rule, Lillian doesn’t give her students recipes. Why do you think she does this? What are the pros and cons of this approach to cooking?

hmmm. when you are comfortable cooking without a recipe, I believe you are less afraid of cooking and perhaps more creative. perhaps the food reflects you more than others. however, i find it a bizarre way to teach newbies. I always start with a known recipe and then create from there, deviate however I feel comfortable. I think the author was more interested in making a point than describing how most cooking classes are taught. I've taken many, never had one without a recipe.


5) Did Helen do the right thing by telling Carl about her affair? How would their marriage — and Helen and Carl themselves — have evolved had he never learned the truth?

I don't think she should have told him. It hurt him without changing anything. She was staying with Carl and loved him. She would have to learn how to live with the memories of the lover and say goodbye to all that. She had to do that her own way anyhow. I think it would have been easier if he hadn't known.


6) Each of the character’s stories centers on a dish or ingredient which has a profound affect upon how they see themselves or the world. What connections do you see between Claire and the crabs? Between Chloe and tortillas? Tom and the pasta sauce?

I hadn't really thought about that until now...but I guess I should have...they are the ultimate metaphors.

7) Although we only see Charlie, Tom’s wife, in flashback, she seems to share Lillian’s love of essential ingredients. What do you make of Charlie’s statement that “We are all just ingredients. What matters is the grace with which you cook the meal”?

I'm not sure I get it frankly.


8) Chloe observes that Thanksgiving at her house is “about everyone being the same and if you’re not, eating enough so you won’t notice.” Is this something that our culture buys into in a larger sense? How does Lillian’s approach to food fly in the face of this idea?

One of the things that I did love about the book was how Lillian encourage everyone to slow down and savor flavors and ingredients. She tried to encourage them essentially that "more is not alway better". She attempted them to wakeup to the best tastes (like the ugly tomato). I thought this was a good message and always made me hungry.

9) Isaac says to Isabelle that he thinks “we are each a ladder and a chair for the other.” What do you think he means? Are there people in your life who are or have been that for you?

I forget in what context this was said...so I'm afraid I don't understand it and don't really want to make the effort to go figure it out.


0) Lillian tells the class that “A holiday is a lot like a kitchen. What’s important is what comes out of it.” In what way do the kitchens in this book — Lillian’s childhood kitchen, the greasy spoon where Tom meets Charlie, the kitchen that Antonia saves from demolition — represent different celebrations of life? Is there a kitchen in your life that you associate with a particular celebration or emotional milestone?

Not sure. And no.


11) At the end of the novel, Lillian reflects that: “She saw how connected [the students’] lives had become and would remain. Where did a teacher fit in the picture, she wondered, when there was no longer a class?” What do you think happens to Lillian once her class is disbanded? What do you imagine happens in to the other characters’ lives after the book ends?

Again..I think the extent to which the students "connected" and became intimate with one another is simply unrealistic and I have trouble extending those relationships into the future. To have had one or two connect in that way is possible. to have had it happen in a class that met for a long time, possibly. But again...this just didn't work for me. Lillian will move onto the next class...and in the authors world I'm sure she will weave the same "magic" onto the next class of people. I believe the author would like us to believe that everyone will live happily ever after since in the end I believe she wrote a fairy tale.

12) What would be your essential ingredients?

Discussion questions found on author's website

Discussion Questions:

1) When Claire first walks into Lillian’s, she reflects: “When was the last time she had been someplace where nobody knew who she was?” Is the anonymity of the kitchen a lure for Lillian’s students?

2) How did you respond to the story of Lillian’s upbringing? Would Lillian have been better off with a more traditional home life, like those of her school friends? Do you agree with Abuelita’s statement that “sometimes our greatest gifts grow from what we’re not given”?

3) Besides scenes from her childhood, the author discloses very little about Lillian. Why do you think she did this? How would the book be different if we knew more about Lillian’s day-to-day life?

4) As a general rule, Lillian doesn’t give her students recipes. Why do you think she does this? What are the pros and cons of this approach to cooking?

5) Did Helen do the right thing by telling Carl about her affair? How would their marriage — and Helen and Carl themselves — have evolved had he never learned the truth?

6) Each of the character’s stories centers on a dish or ingredient which has a profound affect upon how they see themselves or the world. What connections do you see between Claire and the crabs? Between Chloe and tortillas? Tom and the pasta sauce?

7) Although we only see Charlie, Tom’s wife, in flashback, she seems to share Lillian’s love of essential ingredients. What do you make of Charlie’s statement that “We are all just ingredients. What matters is the grace with which you cook the meal”?

8) Chloe observes that Thanksgiving at her house is “about everyone being the same and if you’re not, eating enough so you won’t notice.” Is this something that our culture buys into in a larger sense? How does Lillian’s approach to food fly in the face of this idea?

9) Isaac says to Isabelle that he thinks “we are each a ladder and a chair for the other.” What do you think he means? Are there people in your life who are or have been that for you?

10) Lillian tells the class that “A holiday is a lot like a kitchen. What’s important is what comes out of it.” In what way do the kitchens in this book — Lillian’s childhood kitchen, the greasy spoon where Tom meets Charlie, the kitchen that Antonia saves from demolition — represent different celebrations of life? Is there a kitchen in your life that you associate with a particular celebration or emotional milestone?

11) At the end of the novel, Lillian reflects that: “She saw how connected [the students’] lives had become and would remain. Where did a teacher fit in the picture, she wondered, when there was no longer a class?” What do you think happens to Lillian once her class is disbanded? What do you imagine happens in to the other characters’ lives after the book ends?

12) What would be your essential ingredients?

Kelly's Pick - March/April

Kelly picks"The School of Essential Ingredients" by Erica Bauermeister. Shall we meet sometime after the middle of April? I'm traveling until around the 20th...I can read the book by then...but probably won't be able to comment much before then with only sporadic internet connections.

who picks next?

I think its Kelly.

Keri's thoughts on My Sister's Keeper

Reread the prologue to My Sister's Keeper. Who is the speaker? Is it the same person you thought it was the first time you read it?
I was very surprised by the ending of the novel which shows us that the prologue speaker was actually Kate and not Anna. It would be interesting to reread the novel now that I know the result to see how much reads differently.

What is the metaphorical relevance of Brian's profession as a fire chief?
It gives him a sense of control that he lacks in his personal life. But it is also such an uncontrollable field that it seems odd that it might give him the peace that it seems to. I suppose that at least there he knows exactly what to do in a given situation whereas at home it is never quite so clear.

Why is Jesse's behavior so aberrant, while until now, Anna has been so compliant?
They both had their own ways of dealing with the cards life had dealt them. Anna chose to be compliant – to be the “good little daughter”. This gave her the attention she needed, but in a more positive way. Jesse, on the other hand, needed just as much attention and perhaps more…but he chose to behave badly. Unfortunately children learn that negative attention is still attention and in his case it was almost too late for him to change. I think that his choice to set fires was a way to reach out to his father, and though it was not a good decision, it ultimately did bring them back together with some forgiveness on both sides.

On page 98, Kate is being admitted to the hospital in very serious condition. She mouths to Jesse, "tell Anna," but is unable to finish. What do you think she was trying to say?
I’m really not certain what Kate wanted Jesse to tell Anna. Perhaps she wanted her sister to keep going on with the case, or perhaps she was wanting her to stop and just give the kidney. I think she was conflicted and probably was for her entire life. Life was never easy for Kate and I’m sure it must have felt easier to just give up and let the disease kill her.

On page 122, Julia says, "Even if the law says that no one is responsible for anyone else, helping someone who needs it is the right thing to do." Who understood better how to "help" Kate, Sara or Anna?
I think that both of them were trying their best in a challenging situation that has no guidelines. But my personal feeling is that Anna made the right choice. She was listening to her sister and trying to honor her wishes regardless of how she personally felt about it.

Did Anna do the right thing, honoring Kate's wishes?
I think that she did make the right choice. Though it was unfair of Kate to ask to do so behind her parent’s back, and to ask that her sister who loved her and was only 13 to make such a terrible choice. But Kate had every right to make the choice that she did, and Anna was right to respect her wishes.

Do you feel it was unfair of Kate to ask Anna to refuse to donate a kidney, even though this seemed to be the only way for her to avoid the lifesaving transplant?
I think it was unfair of her to ask, but I understand why she did so. She should have just told her parents what she wanted, but I can understand why she didn’t think that would work. I really don’t think that Sara would have listened to what Kate had to say in this situation.

On page 142, Brian says that when rescuing someone from a fire, that "the safety of the rescuer is of a higher priority than the safety of the victim. Always." How does this apply to his role in his own family?
I think that this refers to why he took Anna to stay at the firehouse with him. She needed an escape from the house and her mother during the trial. Even though he wasn’t sure how he felt about the trial and the issues that came with it, he knew that he needed to protect his daughter and Sara was too focused on Kate to see why Anna needed help.

On page 144, Brian says, "Like anything that's been confined, fire has a natural instinct to escape." How does this truth apply to Kate? to Brian himself?
I think that Kate just wanted to escape the life she was forced to lead. She was tired of being sick, tired of having surgeries and procedures, tired of not being “normal” and she just wanted it to go away. And at the point she was at physically, not having the transplant was the easiest way out. But I think she was afraid to tell her parents because she knew how much they had done for her over the years. For Brian, I think this quote has to do with his desire to take Anna to the firehouse. To escape from the tension in his own home. He & Sara did not always agree on how to care for Kate, or their other children, but in most cases he always deferred to Sara. But this time he had to stand up to her, and that involved escaping from her presence for a time.

On page 149, Brian is talking to Julia about astronomy and says, "Dark matter has a gravitational effect on other objects. You can't see it, you can't feel it, but you can watch something being pulled in its direction." How is this symbolic of Kate's illness?
Kate’s illness affected the entire family – from the moment she was diagnosed it changed how they interacted, how they cared for each other, how they made decisions. She became the focus and center of everything…and that wasn’t the right choice. It took their focus off of Jesse who almost became unredeemable. It took their focus off treating Anna as their child instead of as a cure for Kate. It took their focus off their marriage and how they felt about each other. And it took their focus off of Kate and how she might feel or what she might want out of life.

How does Anna's decision to pursue medical emancipation parallel Campbell's decision to end his relationship with Julia after his accident?
I think that they both felt they were making the right choice…perhaps the only choice. But reflecting on it now I think that it definitely wasn’t their only choice. Anna could have gone to her parents and told them Kate did not want the surgery. It would not have been easy, but perhaps it would have forced them all to come together to talk, and to actually listen to each other. There would have been tension and there would have been arguments, but maybe they might have been able to come to a decision that they all could tolerate, if not agree completely on. In Campbell’s case, he should have told Julia what had happened to him. They could have worked through it all together and it wasn’t fair of him to hurt her so badly to supposedly make things easier. It obviously did not make things easier for either of them.

Do you agree with Brian's decision not to turn Jesse in to the authorities for setting the fires?
I do. Though it may not be the correct moral, legal or ethical choice I think that it makes sense why Brian didn’t turn him in. I think that he realized that Jesse was acting out in this way to gain attention. And it made Brian realize how far his son was willing to go and what that meant about how he and Sara had been parenting Jesse. I think he saw that Jesse had suffered enough and with his forgiveness would not set any more fires in the future.

Do you feel that it's ethical to conceive a child that meets specific genetic requirements?
I really do not believe so. I can try to understand why Sara and Brian decided to do so…but it becomes this slippery slope of how much is too much. How far do you take this? Obviously though they initially conceived Anna simply to get cord blood, it became normal to take whatever she had that would help Kate. It was never enough and would never be enough. Even though we now know that Anna wanted to help her sister in any way that she could, was it really fair to keep demanding it?


I think that through out the book, I felt the most for Jesse. Though he chose to react poorly, I think that life was very difficult for him. His life was never the same after his sister Kate was diagnosed with leukemia. His parents began to ignore him and believe that the things that mattered to him did not matter in the life or death scheme of Kate’s life. Sara had very little sympathy for him and though she occasionally questioned herself about how she treated him, ultimately she did give up on him. He became much less important to her than Kate, and even Anna. Because Anna was able to provide the things that Kate needed medically, she gave her more attention that she did Jesse. But she even neglected Anna’s needs more than once. Most of the quotes that I underlined throughout the book were of the ways that Sara treated Jesse and Anna. Though I understand her concern for Kate, I think it blinded her to the rest of her life and that makes me sad.

• (Kate speaking) “He gets into a lot of bad stuff he shouldn’t…It’s the way he gets noticed, you know? I mean, imagine what it would be like if you were a squirrel living in the elephant cage at the zoo. Does anyone ever go there and say, Hey, check out that squirrel? No, because there’s something so much bigger you notice first.”
  
• (Sara speaking) “Your sister…is incredibly sick. I’m sorry if that interferes with your dentist’s appointment or your plan to go buy a pair of cleats. But those don’t rate quite as high in the grand scheme of things right now. I’d think that since you’re ten, you might be able to grow up enough to realize that the whole world doesn’t always revolve around you.” (Jesse speaking) “Why don’t you grow up? Why don’t you figure out that the world doesn’t revolve around her?” (Sara thinks) “For the first time in my life I begin to understand how a parent might hit a child – it’s because you can look into their eyes and see a reflection of yourself that you wish you hadn’t.”
  
• (Anna speaks) “Why did I have to leave the party?” (Sara thinks) “Because your sister is more important than cake and ice cream; because I cannot do this for her; because I said so” (Sara speaks) “’Stop acting like a five-year-old,’ I accuse, and then I remember that’s exactly what she is.”
  
• (Sara thinks) “I wonder when, exactly, I gave up on him. I wonder why, when Jesse’s history is not by any stretch as disappointing as his sister’s…I glance down and notice a bruise the size of a half-dollar, right in the crook of his arm. There’s a matching one on the other side. It is telling, I suppose, that my mind immediately races to heroin, instead of leukemia, as it would with his sisters.” (Jesse speaks) “Yeah, Ma. I shoot up every three days. Except I’m not doing smack, I’m getting blood taken out of me on the third floor here…Didn’t you realize who else was keeping Kate in platelets?”
  
• “Parents control everything, unless you’re like Jesse and you do enough to upset them that they’d rather ignore you than pretend you actually exist.”
  
• “If Kate was feeling guilty about being a burden, I was feeling twice as guilty for knowing she felt that way. For knowing I felt that way…that in addition to the piece of me that’s always wanted Kate to live, there’s another, horrible piece of me that sometimes wishes I were free…all these terrible feelings, some of which are too awful to speak out loud. That I want Kate alive, but also want to be myself, not part of her. That I want the chance to grow up, even if Kate can’t. That Kate’s death would be the worst thing that’s ever happened to me…and also the best. That sometimes, when I think about all this, I hate myself and just want to crawl back to where I was, to the person they want me to be…What if Kate wanted to die, so that I could live? What if after all these years of saving Kate, she was only trying to do the same for me?”
  
• “There’s two reasons not to tell the truth – because lying will get you what you want, and because lying will keep someone from getting hurt.”
  
• “If you have a sister and she dies, do you stop saying you have one? Or are you always a sister, even when the other half of the equation is gone?”
  
• “In the English language there are orphans and widows, but there is no word for the parent who loses a child.”
  
• “…the people you love can surprise you every day. That maybe who we are isn’t so much about what we do, but rather what we’re capable of when we least expect it"
• “You don’t love someone because they’re perfect…You love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.”