Annette on "my sister's keeper"

I answered most of the question you posted. At the end…I added a few more of my own that I got off the internet. In general I liked this book although at times I found it hard to read because the book really raised more questions than it answered or that could be easily answered. Because the viewpoint of the story kept switching between the characters, I would be just getting comfortable with one view point and one set of opinions when I was faced with a different set of “facts” and emotions. This was ultimately very effective and true to life. Because the issues that faced the family were not simple or easily answered. It was a messy situation.

Reread the Prologue. Who is the speaker? Is it the same person you thought it was the first time you read it?

No, I thought it was Anna. In fact if I hadn’t read this question I still would have thought it was Anna. It is interesting how she also felt she didn’t “exist” except in relation to Anna.

Why is Jesse’s behavior so aberrant, while until now, Anna has been so compliant?

Anna actually remains compliant to the end really given that she is doing what she is doing at Kate’s request. She is doing what she always has done, sacrifice for Kate. Jesse? He is trying to be visible. He is trying to matter. He is trying to get someone, anyones attention.

What might be a possible reason for Brian’s fascination with astronomy?

Escape maybe? Trying to make sense of the unknown and the unknowable. Maybe he is trying to find a moment of peace in the midst of a crazy world.

Page 98. When Kate mouths to Jesse “tell Anna”…what do you think she was trying to say?

…I think perhaps “tell Anna to say no”…or to tell her this is Anna’s chance to help her die…by refusing to do it. Or to say..."this is it". The book doesn't say it...but its obvious that Jesse also knew how Kate felt and what Anna's real motifcations were...at least I think he did.

Page 122. Who understood better how to “help” Kate…Sara or Anna.
I think that they both did in their own way from their own perspective and experience. Anna certainly was closer perhaps to Kate’s fears and desires…but Sara could see a different picture and a different future.

Did Anna do the right thing honoring Kate’s wishes?

I don’t know if it was the “right” thing…but I would have done the same thing. With hindsight we know that the kidney transplant was a good thing and gave Kate a life (which she never imagined)…so with hindsight it was the “wrong” thing. But none of us can make decisions with the benefit of hindsight. I know Anna did it with enormous love because it was so hard for her to do and was opposite from what she would have done on her own. She really felt as though it was an act of love for Kate. But also there was a "selfish" component which she would be free at last from being the eternal "drug" for Kate. But I don't believe that was really it...I think she did it only because Anna asked her.

Do you think it was unfair of Kate to ask Anna to refuse to donate a kidney? Hmmm…unfair. What was “fair” about Kate’s life or Anna’s for that matter. I think it was something that a person could only ask of someone who they truly love and who truly loves them. It was a huge burden to ask of Anna because had she actually not been a donor, Kate would have died. And Anna would have lost her sister and would have to live with her decision and life without Kate….which I think would have been hard on her and would have been difficult in her relationship with her parents. So it was asking an awful lot from a 13 year old (it would be a lot to ask of an adult!). But if Kate couldn’t ask her sister, who could she ask?

On page 142, Brian says that when rescuing someone from a fire, that “the safety of the rescuer is of a higher priority than the safety of the victim, Always.” How does this apply to his role in his own family? I think those views are why he (at least for a time) supports Anna’s decision. I believe its why he could see past just what Kate needed. How he felt empathy (perhaps more empathy) for Anna’s life.

On page 149 Brian is talking to Julia about astronomy and says, “Dark matter has a gravitational effect on other objects. You can’t see it, you can’t feel it, but you can watch something being pulled in its direction.” How is this symbolic of Kate’s illness. I’m not sure…perhaps that the cancer is always there…always sneaking up and changing Kate’s life and her course in life. And that when she is ill, everything revolves around her and in some ways sucks the life out of the family.

Do you agree with Brian’s decision to not turn Jesse in? Again…I don’t know if it’s “right” in a legal sense (in fact I'm sure it isn't "right" in the legal sense), but I can understand it and would have done it also. For several reasons, first I believe it really was a cry for help not a sign of psychopathic behavior. Second, I believe that the family and their situation really helped create the situation. I really thought it was a bad idea to give such a young man/boy so much independence and isolation by living in the garage and turning a blind eye to his drugs and drinking. I realize that they had so much going on with Kate that it was difficult…but I’m not sure I would have done the same thing. They really were in some ways sacrificing more than Anna’s comfort and health…they really in many ways abandoned Jesse…not intentionally of course. But nonetheless they really created the environment of isolation that Jesse was wallowing in. And finally…I’m not sure the family could have survived if Jesse had been arrested and jailed. I’m pretty sure that Sara would have completely fallen apart…I often felt she was barely holding on as it was.

Do you believe it’s ethical to conceive a child that meets specific genetic requirements? I don’t really like it and I think that there can be many unaddressed negative issues that are raised. For instance, in this case…if the family had had counseling, advice, and support on how to best support Anna (and jesse) perhaps it would have been better for her, for Kate, for the parents. But I don’t think much of the idea of “creating children” to fit certain bills (like picking the sex)…What if people start picking for skin color, eye color? First..I worry about parents who think those things are that important. Then I ask myself would I have created a child to save my other child…I must admit…I don’t know the answer. I can understand the desparate desire to save my first born. On the otherhand...Sara and Brain started out by only wanting the cord blood...they didn't know where the road was going to take them and how much they were going to end up asking of Anna.




What is your opinion of Sara? Did you find yourself criticizing her? Emphatizing with her? Or both? Does she neglect her other children? What would you have done in her shoes? Does she unwittingly forget Anna and Jesse or do you think she chooses to neglect them…either because she is saving a little energy or to perhaps even punish them for being healthy? Normal?

I must admit I was more often critical of her than I felt sorry for her or emphasized with her. I mean I did emphasize with her…but…I found myself sometimes wanting to shake her and ask her to see her other children. I wanted her to be more like Brian. In some ways I sometimes felt that it was beyond just wanting to save Kate. It was a control thing, the need to fix things…and when things didn’t go right…she had to admit failure. I’m a control freak, so I can understand this…but still…I still can’t believe how they let Jesse go…it was kind of like…oh well…let’s just hope he doesn’t get in TOO much trouble. I felt worse for Jesse than I did for Anna. He was so isolated.