Keri's view of The Mermaids Singing

I had a completely different reaction to this book. I really liked it and found it to be quite beautiful, yet sad. I felt that the author really captured the deep feeling of each main character and I could really empathize with how and why they made the choices they did.

Cliona seemed to have had a hard life with a beloved and affectionate father, but a difficult and lonely mother who seemed to have no interest in her children or anything else. She loved Ireland, but needed more and thought that America could bring her that. She got sucked up into the drama and dysfunction of the Willoughby family and due to her love for their son, and the birth of her daughter, stayed far longer than intended. Taking the opportunity to go back to Ireland and marry Marcus was a good choice for Cliona, but quite a challenge for her daughter. Though she lived quite content and happy in Ireland she was never able to show her daughter the affection that it seems she desperately needed.

Grace was a headstrong and passionate woman from the day she was born. She needed love and attention that she sadly did not receive from her parents and mistakenly believed men could give her. It continued as a pattern throughout her life that may have "worked" for her in the short term, never fulfilled her completely. She never really understood her mother and the choices she made...sadly her mother never shared more of herself, and just as sadly Grace never asked and eventually it was much too late. Moving to Ireland was perhaps the very best and also the very worst thing that happened to her. She was very angry, very sad, and very desperate to be out on her own and so was never able to accept or believe the affection and acceptance that her new family was giving her. Even when she met and fell in love with Seamus she could never trust his love to be enough. She wanted more and felt captive on his beloved island. The birth of her daughter Grainne was a turning point, but not enough to keep her in a life she could not accept for herself. But their relationship began to provide the unconditional love and acceptance she craved. I felt so sad that she and Grainne never reconciled before her death, but felt that fear kept them from each other.

Grainne was caught in both worlds, though much of the time I don't think she realized this. She loved her mother desperately, yet was so afraid of how much her mother had changed that it kept her from being close at the end. Then the feelings of sadness, guilt, depression and anger kept her from accepting the family she was brought back into in Ireland. I get that it was kind of creepy that she was "in love" with her mother's boyfriend, but felt that it had more to do with her age and the feelings of puberty/growing womanhood and her desire to be like her mother and I was certainly glad that Stephen did not fall for her attempted seduction. I liked the slow relationship she built with Liam and think she needed him to be patient with her although that was not what she wanted. I really didn't find it weird that they made out in the hospital...it was only then that Grainne actually decided to start living and not trying to die. She made the choice to move on, the choice to finally eat food, and it was only then that she could really appreciate what Liam had to offer her and it wouldn't have been as important had he fallen for her shallow seduction at the beginning. I loved and was also saddened when she discovered the photograph of her at age 5 in her father's study and then later realized she had met him long ago. I had hope that her relationship with her father had a good beginning and would develop into the loving bond that had been there when she was a child.

I felt so sad for Seamus as I learned more about his relationship with Grace and how very much he loved her. With her death, he most certainly would never get her back. But I was reminded of the saying "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours forever. If it does not, it never was." He loved Grace so much, yet always knew she would leave him. I think he knew that morning when he left that she would be leaving and he allowed her freedom....heartbreaking, yet touching. I liked that they gave a sense that perhaps Seamus and Mary Louise might get together...they would never have the passionate relationshiop he had with Grace, but it would be a deep content love for each other and the island they both loved...much like Cliona and Marcus.

All in all, I liked the book a lot. I loved the beautiful descriptions of Ireland, the sea, the mermaids and wished to hear the lyrical tune of the Irish people. It was a sad book, but full of deep emotion that resonated with me. I like happily ever afters as much as anyone, but books like this with a real-life ending please me just as much. Nothing is perfect, but there is the sense that it will get better.

Kelly's Take on "The Mermaids Singing"

This whole book depressed the heck out of me. The premise is great – three generations of women, mother/daughter relationships, difficult life situations, each woman returning to Ireland (which I love) – but as their stories played out, they were so focused on sex and hopelessness that I finished the book quickly just so I wouldn’t have to be invested in it anymore. I can’t tell if this is a real or accurate portrayal of life, but I surely didn’t relate.

Cliona, the grandmother, loves her Irish home, but moves to America to be educated. She takes a job to make ends meet, gets pregnant and ends up staying at that job for far too long. The family she works for starts out decent, but ends up dysfunctional. Her daughter appears to hate her from her early childhood (which I don’t understand) – if that’s the only life she knew, what would make her look down on her mom for choosing that life? After all the drama with her daughter, she finally gets to go home to Ireland, meets and marries a man who loves her and cares for her, and makes a decently happy life there (though the author can’t let her life be really happy – and so points out that she really doesn’t love her husband). She was raised Catholic (very strictly in Ireland, less so in America, then back to Ireland) and does her best to be “religious.” But really, her so-called faith doesn’t seem to help her at all.

Grace, the daughter, was born and raised in the home of her mother’s employers. She apparently thought much of herself from the very beginning and chose to look down on her mom right away. She hated her mother’s employers (especially the wife) and seems to do everything to make life difficult for those she doesn’t like. She sleeps with the son of the house, though nothing comes of that relationship except hardship – she too ends up pregnant and discarded. (As I mentioned before, that whole family is also dysfunctional: mother goes mad, father has affairs, son sleeps with Grace then ditches her, etc.) She is forced to move to Ireland with her mom where she loses the baby, is depressed and angry, forces away the love/friendship offered to her by her step-sister (the one seemingly happy character in the book), marries a local man (much older than herself) and has a child with him, then leaves, spends the rest of her life sleeping with just about any man who offers, has an interesting relationship (more like friends than mother/daughter) with Grainne, gets cancer and dies estranged from Grainne because they can’t seem to deal with the cancer issue (I’m guessing here – I really couldn’t figure out why their once great relationship disintegrated). Grace hates the Catholic church and doesn’t have anything to do with it as soon as she’s old enough to decide for herself. Obviously her “faith” does no good for her either.

Grainne had a decent childhood in Ireland – loved by her father and grandparents, then taken away at a young age to live with her mom in America. She finally lets go of the idea of having her dad around, and becomes “best friends” with her mom. She sees all the relationships and apparently aspires to be just as promiscuous as her mother. We have here the sicko fascination she has with her mom’s boyfriends, too. When her mom dies, she tries to have a relationship with her mom’s last boyfriend, but ends up moving to Ireland with her grandmother instead. She, too, is depressed and angry there, and wants to meet her father, who avoids her. She starves herself in the meanwhile. Finally, she tracks him down and they start to have what seems to be a decent relationship (after her stint in the hospital because of the anorexia). Then there’s her love interest, her “cousin” (not really related by blood), who apparently thinks she’s really sexy starved to death and in the hospital, because they make out there. (Weird, in my book.) Raised by her mom who hated the church, Grainne doesn’t have need for it either.

So, I guess what bothers me most (besides the almost constant focus on sex) is that there is little to no hope in the book. Though it ends “okay” (Grainne and her dad reunited), that’s not the focus. Family doesn’t give hope/meaning, love and/or sex doesn’t give hope/meaning, church/faith doesn’t give hope/meaning. I guess in that sense the book makes a little sense to me – without a living, personal faith in Christ, nothing fills the voids that life has. Nothing is firm, permanent, secure or hopeful without God. I get that. But it doesn’t make the whole story worthwhile to me.

Keri's pick

Since it would have been my choice next, I'll pick a book. I've chosen The Mermaids Singing by Lisa Carey. It's been on my to-read list on goodreads for awhile. Hopefully we all enjoy it. Kelly - I'll request a copy for you through interlibrary loan. Looking forward to what we all think. :)

Its almost March

Hello girls! its almost march and i'm getting ready to read again. I've lost track of where we left off. but I figure I was the one that bailed. So I'll go third in selecting books. So Kelly or Keri, pick a book. Look forward to getting going again. Aunt Annette

Hi there

I apologize for being so out of circulation. You know...the move and everything. I'm giving myself permission to take a book break until March 1st. Then I'll be back for more great discussions. If that works for you, we will reconvene then.

love you both,
Annette

Rainbow's End - Keri's thoughts

It took me quite awhile to get through this book. Not that it wasn't interesting in parts, but life just got in the way quite a bit in the past month or so. I appreciated the different perspective that this book gave me and the information about living in Africa during that time.

I enjoyed the descriptions of the land, the people, and the detail in her stories. There were some really raw and intense descriptions as well, but through it all you could feel her love for Africa.

Here are some quotes that resonated with me:

• "Camilla had found it difficult to come to terms with the realization that an entire family, bonded tightly by love and memories, could be devastated at the speed of a bullet."
• "I used a Magic Marker to write the name of my country decoratively on my school books, beside the pictures of horses and hearts containing pop stars' initials. Charm, Donny Osmond, and Rhodesia, my first loves."
• quote from Beryl Markham - "if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesterdays are buried deep, leave it in any way except a slow way, leave it the fastest way you can."
• "...the strutting cheerfulness of the fat red hens was that of chubby, big-bottomed African women who not only rejoice in the build nature has given them but celebrate it with impromptu bouts of tribal dancing."
• regarding the crash of the Viscount Hunyani during the war - "One listens, and the silence is deafening. One listens for loud condemnation by the President of the United States, himself a man from the Bible-Baptist belt, and once again the silence is deafening. One listens for condemnation by the Pope, by the Archbishop of Canterbury, by all who love the name of God. Again, the silence is deafening."
• "But these measures were psychological more than anything. The reassured us that, if nothing else, we were delaying the inevitable, and they told the terrorists that there were a few more barriers in place than there had been on the night when they were able to walk unchallenged up to the house and change its history."
• "Whereas in the city my parents might have closeted me and fretted about my safety, here in the place of greatest danger, they handed me my freedom and trusted me to use it wisely."
• "More often that not a rainbow would arch over the game park or the river: God's promise. Those were the times I felt most fully alive, most part of the rhythms and cycles of Africa and our new home. I felt like we belonged to the land and the land belonged to us."
• "The war of my experience was more like the battleground of the Old West, where lone ranchers defended themselves against shadowy but well-armed assassins who came in deadly bands of three or six or ten."
• "Or there'd be a Monkey's Wedding, a teasing sprinkle of rain from an incongruously sunny sky, followed by an out-of-context rainbow."
• "Dad never took war personally. As far as he was concerned, they tried to shoot you and you tried to shoot them: end of story. But he had an old-fashioned perspective on the morality of it. He would lose his temper, even with senior officers, if he felt that prisoners of war or the dying from either side were not accorded the proper respect."
• quote from Neville Chamberlain - "Failure only begins when you leave off trying."
• "The part about war that nobody mentions is how quickly it assimilates into everyday life. After a while it seemed as if there'd never been a time when we didn't scour the farm roads for land mines or steel ourselves for bullets through the windshield as we drove into town. As if there had never been an evening when my father didn't strip and clean his guns after dinner or count his ammunition. As if there had always been people waiting in the darkness to kill us."
• "All my life I'd been taught to value and hold sacred the name of Rhodesia and the history and blood ties that bonded me to it. I'd been raised on the belief that ours was the very best country on earth...and that because these things were so special, they were worth fighting for and worth dying for...and because we were told these things so often and saw all of this beauty and courage and magnificence with our own eyes, our land became our life, our nationality our identity. Now my identity was gone, and the shock was overwhelming."
• "But it was the euphoria that told me that the war of freedom, which in my childish innocence I had believed we were fighting against Communism, had turned out to be someone else's war of freedom. We were the terrorists. Our heroes were not heroes at all, they were evil racists. Only black people were allowed to be heroes. The sense of disillusionment I felt was total. The country I had loved so much that at times I almost wished I could die for it was not the country I had thought it was. We had repressed people, oppressed people, tortured people, and murdered people for the worst of possible reasons: the color of their skin. Twenty thousand people had died in our war, apparently for nothing."
• "...concluded that my whole life was a lie. I'd been brainwashed politically and blind in almost every other way, and I had to reprocess everything from that position. The trouble with having your eyes forcibly opened is that there's no way of closing them again. I felt I'd been snapped from a happy dream, from a beautiful illusion, as if a crevasse had opened up underfoot. I began to take stock of my life, and I didn't like what I saw."
• "So where did this leave me? Was my love of the land any less valid because of the actions of my forefathers, my government, my father, or even, in my ignorance, myself? In Britain and the United States, people were accepted as British or American from the moment of their birth or the day they were granted citizenship; yet in Zimbabwe black people were Africans, Indians were Indians, adn whites were regularly labeled Europeans. My family had been in Africa for four generations. Why wasn't I African? Why?
• about her father - "...because the thing I'd never doubted was how proud he was of me, even though almost everything he'd ever watched me do had been a disaster; how he had always been there for me in all the ways that mattered; and how, in one way or another, he was always saving us, Lisa and me."

New Pick

Since I haven't bought the other book yet I thought I'd try a different pick instead. Let's do Rainbow's End by Lauren St. John. It's available on Kindle and hopefully it'll be in your library out there, Aunt Annette, since it's a little bit older. My friend Amanda bought me the book a while ago and I haven't had a chance to read it yet. Does this work for everyone?

Oops - It's my turn to pick!

So you've probably been waiting on me to pick the next one. Sorry for the delay! Then again, with Aunt Annette in Bali and Keri busy moving in to her new home, maybe you weren't even thinking about the next book! In either case, here's my pick - hope it's a good one!

If the Rains Don't Cleanse by Ben Patrick Johnson

Kelly's Take

In trying not to be too redundant, I skipped some of the questions. :o)

What did A Thousand Splendid Suns teach you about the history of Afghanistan? Did anything surprise you?

I had a hard time reminding myself that this story was relatively contemporary, not something from years and years ago. It stunned me to think that there are still people living this way today. I knew NOTHING about Afghanistan prior to reading this book, so everything I learned was new.

Mariam’s mother says: "Women like us. We endure. It’s all we have." In what ways is this true? How do Mariam and Laila endure? How is their endurance different from the ways their mothers faced their trials?

The women of this story only had two choices – endure or end their life. With little to no power in their society, they couldn’t make their lives better in any way but to learn to take what they had and make the best of it.
Mariam makes the best of her situation by being the best wife she can be, even though her husband gets progressively crueler when she doesn’t produce an heir. All she had was the security of knowing she had a place to live, food to eat and a man to guard over her. When everything falls apart in Laila’s life, she takes what chances are offered her and does the best she can with them – providing a home for herself and her baby. Both of their mothers chose to cling to bitterness.

Were you surprised when Tariq returned? Had you suspected the depth of Rasheed's deceit?

I had no idea the lengths that Rasheed would go to get what he wanted. I assumed that the story brought to Laila about Tariq was true and that he had died. Rasheed did a good job putting together something believable – he had to, because otherwise Laila would have never stopped trying to reunite with Tariq. She absolutely would never have agreed to marry Rasheed! And I’m surprised that Rasheed figured she was pregnant, too, and wonder why he would be willing to claim another man’s child as his own.

Why does Mariam refuse to call witnesses at her trial? Why didn't she try to escape with Laila and Tariq? Do you think Mariam made the right decision? Even though her life was hard, Mariam wishes for more of it in the end. Why do you think that is?

Mariam wanted to do everything in her power to make sure that Laila and Tariq had a chance at happiness. They would have had to live on the run for the rest of their lives had they attempted to take her with them. I’m not sure if it was the right decision, but I have a narrow, privileged American brain to wrap around it. I assume that they could have run away to someplace far enough that they could have lived all together okay. I guess I’m an optimist through and through and think it was a waste of Mariam’s life not to at least try to get away. Of course she wished for more of life in the end! She’d finally found a family to love and be loved by!

Do you think Laila and Tariq can be happy?

Yes, I believe they are both resourceful enough to make their way in the world. They love each other and their children, and that covers over a multitude of things that might be lacking. I didn’t know why Laila felt such a need to go back to her home town, though, when life could be so much easier if they’d stayed away.

Rate A Thousand Splendid Suns on a scale of 1 to 5.

I would give it a 3. Definitely not a re-read and it made me pretty depressed. I’m sure it’s an amazing literary work, but I’m not the best one to judge that. 

Keri's Review

1. What did A Thousand Splendid Suns teach you about the history of Afghanistan? Did anything surprise you?

I really didn’t know anything about Afghanistan prior to reading this book, so pretty much everything I read was something new. I was surprised to read how different women were treated culturally and how in many ways it is very old-fashioned. I also had not realized how much the people in control had changed over the years and how that affected the people.

2. Mariam’s mother says: "Women like us. We endure. It’s all we have." In what ways is this true? How do Mariam and Laila endure? How is their endurance different from the ways their mothers faced their trials?

In a way there was no other choice for Mariam and Laila but to endure. Neither of them would have been willing to just give up and so they kept on going and tried to make the best of the situations they faced. They tried to be as positive as possible in a life that seemed to have little joy, but once they looked it was there in a cup of tea together in the evening, in cooking and cleaning together, in working together to make a life out of a terrible situation. Laila’s mother was never able to let go of the past and allow herself to move on from her son’s deaths. She was unable or unwilling to see her daughter and her husband as a way to make a happier future. Mariam’s mother became a bitter woman – perhaps many would say she had no choice, but we all have a choice in how we react and behave. She chose to give up once her daughter left because she felt she had nothing left to live for. These choices were something that Mariam and Laila would have never made…not because they were better than their mothers, but simply because they chose to never give up and never lose hope.

3. Several times Mariam passes herself off as Laila's mother. In what way is their relationship like mother-daughter? How did their own relationships with their mothers shape how they treated each other and their family?

I believe there was a significant age difference between the two of them which allowed them to physically create this illusion. But I believe it was a more emotional decision – Laila still wanted and needed a mothering figure due to the lack of attention and love that she received from her own mother; and Mariam craved the ability to be a mother and take care of someone even though she was initially unhappy with Laila’s position in the house (though who could blame her?). I think they both craved the same kind of family life and they both were denied it or lost the little bit that they had been born with. By the time they became friends they were able to create the loving family life they wanted.

4. What is the significance of Laila's childhood trip to see the giant stone Buddhas above the Bamiyan Valley? Why did her father take her on this trip? How did his influence shape the way Laila would cope with her future?

Her father wanted her to see something positive that her country had contributed that had also lasted for over 2000 years. It was a way to see a different perspective of their war-torn country – something peaceful, something beautiful, something awe-inspiring and something not related to war or power or corruption. And by actually bringing her their to see them with her own eyes, feel them with her own hands as they climbed, and listen to their silence, Laila was able to have a deeper connection with her heritage and story. Laila was blessed with a wonderful father who loved her and his family completely. Though he had hopes and dreams about a new life in America, he was willing to stay in Afghanistan to please and accommodate his beloved wife. He gave Laila the ability to see the future for the hopeful place it could be and he encouraged her to be more than her country thought she could be – to have hope, to laugh, to cry, to see and feel beauty and to love and be loved.
“It’s what I always remember about being up here…The silence. The peace of it. I wanted you to experience it. But I also wanted you to see your country’s heritage, children, to learn of its rich past. You see, some things I can teach you. Some you learn from books. But there are things that, well, you just have to see and feel.”

5. Afghanistan changes rulers several times in the story. During the Soviet occupation, the people felt life would be better once the foreigners were defeated. Why do you think the quality of life deteriorated after the occupation rather than returning to the way it was in the pre-communist era?

I think perhaps it was because going from strict regulations to freedom was too much for some people. With little rule, the corrupt and criminal were able to take over and cause the quality of life to deteriorate. And because the ones in control had created a new and much more regulated religious environment it had caused the situation to become worse. The few had everything, and the many had little or nothing.

6. When the Taliban first enter the city, Laila does not believe women will tolerate being forced out of jobs and treated with such indignity. Why do the educated women of Kabul endure such treatment? Why are the Taliban accepted?

I think they endured such treatment because they ultimately had no other choice. While they may have wanted to same freedoms that had existed prior to the Taliban taking control, they realized that in order to survive they had to adapt or face punishment. I think people accepted the Taliban at first because it seemed like they were taking back control of their own country and it would be a good thing. But as their freedoms slipped away and the problems multiplied they quickly discovered that there was no turning back time and nothing they could do to achieve the lives they truly wanted. They had to adjust, just as they had to adjust every time any other ruler took over control of their country.

7. The Taliban forbid "writing books, watching films, and painting pictures;" yet the film Titanic becomes a sensation on the black market. Why would people risk the Taliban’s violence to watch the film? Why do you think this particular film became so popular? How does Hosseini use films throughout the novel to symbolize relationships between people and the state of the country (i.e. Jalil's theater, Tariq & Laila's outings to the movies)?

I think people needed something to escape the reality of their current life and movies have always provided that outlet. Perhaps the hope and love in the story of Titanic and the characters’ ability to rise above what life dealt them gave them joy and made it worth the effort and risk of doing something not allowed. Plus, anything that is forbidden is ultimately more desired and the story of Titanic is also full of forbidden desire which probably made it doubly attractive. I really hadn’t noticed the recurring movie theme, but it is true that it was there. I think as I mentioned before it has to do with the hope and escape that movies provide and that sense of something unobtained. For Mariam, it was never being allowed to watch a film in her father’s theater, and Laila discovering that he had left Mariam a videotape of the film Pinocchio at his death in an act of regret and hope for forgiveness. For Laila and Tariq it was an opportunity to spend time together and helped create the hopes and desires that they grew to have for each other.

8. Were you surprised when Tariq returned? Had you suspected the depth of Rasheed's deceit?

I was very surprised and so happy at Tariq’s return and wondered why I hadn’t even entertained the thought that Rasheed had arranged for his perfect timing reveal of Tariq’s ”death”. Once it was revealed it made perfect sense that he would have wanted to keep Laila from hoping for Tariq’s return because he knew if she had any hope she would have never agreed to marry him instead.

9. Why does Mariam refuse to call witnesses at her trial? Why didn't she try to escape with Laila and Tariq? Do you think Mariam made the right decision? Even though her life was hard, Mariam wishes for more of it in the end. Why do you think that is?

I think that Mariam realized that by choosing to take all the blame for Rasheed’s death she was allowing Laila, Tariq and the children the opportunity to truly be free. Any inquiries or witnesses would have brought them into more attention and possibly would have resulted in their capture and or death. She loved them enough to sacrifice so they could be free, and she knew that trying to escape with them would mean they would always be on the run and never able to feel safe. I think that she made the right choice. It wasn’t the happiest choice or the one anyone really wanted, but it was the right one. By this point in her life, Mariam had finally found people to love her truly and completely and while she of course wanted more time with them, she could at least let them go and let herself be killed knowing that she had lived a life where she had loved and been loved in return.

10. Do you think Laila and Tariq can be happy?

I think that they can be happy because not only will they work hard to make their lives better and the lives of those around them better, but also because they both felt hope and could visualize a positive future for themselves and Afghanistan. And because of their deep love for each other and all they had gone through together and apart, they were able to focus on the good things in life and not sink into depression or anger.

11. Afghanistan is still in the news a lot. Do you think the situation will truly improve there?

I have hope that the situation will improve. I think that this book gave me a deeper understanding of their culture and way of life and more importantly, the ability to feel more personally attached to how their way of life is being affected.

12. Rate A Thousand Splendid Suns on a scale of 1 to 5.

I think I would rate it between a 3 and 4. It’s not necessarily a book that I want to read over and over, but it was a book that touched me and opened my eyes to something I had not really been exposed to previously.

A few meaningful quotes:

· “But Laila knew that her future was no match for her brothers’ past. They had overshadowed her in life. They would obliterate her in death. Mammy was now the curator of their lives’ museum and she, Laila, a mere visitor. A receptacle for their myths. The parchment on which Mammy meant to ink their legends.”

· “…leaving Laila with dueling emotions: reassured that Mammy meant to live on, stung that she was not the reason. She would never leave her mark on Mammy’s heart the way her brothers had, because Mammy’s heart was like a pallid beach where Laila’s footprints would forever wash away beneath the waves of sorrow that swelled and crashed, swelled and crashed.”

· “And that, my young friends, is the story of our country, one invader after another…Macedonians. Sassanians. Arabs. Mongols. Now the Soviets. But we’re like those walls up there. Battered, and nothing pretty to look at, but still standing.”

· “With your mother, both her joy and sadness are extreme. She can’t hide either. She never could. Me, I suppose I’m different. I tend to...But it broke me too, the boys dying. I miss them too. Not a day passes that I…it’s very hard, Laila. So very hard…But I’m glad I have you. I thank God for you. Every single day. Sometimes, when your mother’s having one of her really dark days, I feel like you’re all I have, Laila.”

· “They knew that Mammy wasn’t going anywhere. Leaving Afghanistan had been unthinkable to her while Ahmad and Noor were still alive. Now that they were shaheed, packing up and running was an even worse affront, a betrayal, a disavowal of the sacrifice her sons had made…And Babi would never leave without her…For Mammy, he would brush aside this daydream of his the way he flicked specks of flour from his coat when he got home from work. And so they would stay. They would stay until the war ended. And they would stay for whatever came after war. Laila remembered Mammy telling Babi once that she had married a man who had no convictions. Mammy didn’t understand. She didn’t understand that if she looked into a mirror, she would find the one unfailing conviction of his life looking right back at her.”

· Though there had been moments of beauty in it, Mariam knew that life for the most part had been unkind to her. But…she could not help but wish for more of it. She wished she could see Laila again…She mourned that she would never see Aziza grow up…She would never play with Aziza’s children…Mariam wished for so much in those final moments. Yet as she closed her eyes, it was not regret any longer but a sensation of abundant peace that washed over her. She thought of her entry into this world, the harami child of a lowly villager, an unintended thing, a pitiable, regrettable accident. A weed. And yet she was leaving this world as a woman who had loved and been loved back. She was leaving it as a friend, a companion, a guardian. A mother. A person of consequence at last. No. It was not so bad, Mariam thought, that she should die this way. Not so bad. This was a legitimate end to a life of illegitimate beginnings…One last time, Mariam did as she was told.”

· “But it isn’t mere homesickness or nostalgia that has Laila thinking of Kabul so much these days. She has become plagued by restlessness...Of late, she has started hearing Babi’s voice in her head. You can be anything you want, Laila…I know this about you. And I also know that when this war is over, Afghanistan is going to need you…She remembers Mammy’s response…I want to see my sons’ dreams come true. I want to be there when it happens, when Afghanistan is free, so the boys will see it too. They’ll see it through my eyes. There is a part of Laila now that wants to return to Kabul, for Mammy and Babi, for them to see it through her eyes…then, most compellingly for Laila, there is Mariam. Did Mariam die for this? Did she sacrifice herself so she, Laila, could be a maid in a foreign land?”

· (Laila)”…marveling at how every Afghan story is marked by death and loss and unimaginable grief. And yet, she sees, people find a way to survive, to go on. Laila thinks of her own life and all that has happened to her, and she is astonished that she too has survived, that she is alive and sitting in this taxi listening to this man’s story.”

· “When they first came back to Kabul, it distressed Laila that she didn’t know where the Taliban had buried Mariam. She wished she could visit Mariam’s grave, to sit with her awhile, leave a flower or two. But Laila sees now that it doesn’t matter. Mariam is never far. She is here…but mostly, Mariam is in Laila’s own heart, where she shines with the bursting radiance of a thousand suns.”

time for discussion - 1000 Splendid Suns

I know you guys are up to your ears in stuff going how between Mom, Dad, moving, kids etc. So I don't know if you've finished the book or not. I just did. I'm going to post questions tonight. Later this week, I'll do my "review". But a hint: I liked the book and am still thinking about it.

1. What did A Thousand Splendid Suns teach you about the history of Afghanistan? Did anything surprise you?

2. Mariam’s mother says: "Women like us. We endure. It’s all we have." In what ways is this true? How do Mariam and Laila endure? How is their endurance different from the ways their mothers faced their trials?

3. Several times Mariam passes herself off as Laila's mother. In what way is their relationship like mother-daughter? How did their own relationships with their mothers shape how they treated each other and their family?

4. What is the significance of Laila's childhood trip to see the giant stone Buddhas above the Bamiyan Valley? Why did her father take her on this trip? How did his influence shape the way Laila would cope with her future?

5. Afghanistan changes rulers several times in the story. During the Soviet occupation, the people felt life would be better once the foreigners were defeated. Why do you think the quality of life deteriorated after the occupation rather than returning to the way it was in the pre-communist era?
6. When the Taliban first enter the city, Laila does not believe women will tolerate being forced out of jobs and treated with such indignity. Why do the educated women of Kabul endure such treatment? Why are the Taliban accepted?

7. The Taliban forbid "writing books, watching films, and painting pictures;" yet the filmTitanic becomes a sensation on the black market. Why would people risk the Taliban’s violence to watch the film? Why do you think this particular film became so popular? How does Hosseini use films throughout the novel to symbolize relationships between people and the state of the country (i.e. Jalil's theater, Tariq & Laila's outings to the movies)?

8. Were you surprised when Tariq returned? Had you suspected the depth of Rasheed's deceit?

9. Why does Mariam refuse to call witnesses at her trial? Why didn't she try to escape with Laila and Tariq? Do you think Mariam made the right decision? Even though her life was hard, Mariam wishes for more of it in the end. Why do you think that is?

10. Do you think Laila and Tariq can be happy?

11. Afghanistan is still in the news a lot. Do you think the situation will truly improve there?

12. Rate A Thousand Splendid Suns on a scale of 1 to 5.

Next Pick?

How about A Thousand Splendid Suns by Klaled Houseini? Unless you've read it already, in which case I would pick Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri.

Let me know.

Thanks
Annette

Annette's Turn (FINALLY)

Here I am , better late than never. Loved the book. really loved it. Like both of you I liked the format of the book by "person" or "topic" rather than straight chronology. I think it worked well. She used it to peel away the layers of her experience of France. So we gradually came to know her neighbors and the nature of the French and living in France.

There are aspects of her experience that I envy: the pace of life, the food, the old houses and old roses, learning a new language. And other aspects that make me realize I might like to stay only for a summer: the formality of relations (never saying someones first name), the insistness on "correctness" even when things are ridiculous.

Random thoughts and notes:

You know how much I love birds. I was horrified when she talked about batting the talented black bird with the broom (and having him disappear). I would have been inviting the bird for breakfast. But I enjoyed her gradual realization of the beauty of birds and why the French obsess so much about them. It was an interesting transition on her part.

I was AMAZED that they took the piano with them to France instead of storing it or lending it to someone while they are gone. It is incredibly hard on a piano (I know having carted mine around to Seattle and now Pennsylvania). I'm glad she loves it so much, but really I hope they don't move it again.

I of course loved Madame Mallet for all the reasons you both described. I thought many of the interactions were endearing. The funniest for me was when she suspected that maybe Rebecca was having an affair and but said she thought not "because it lasts only 35 minutes". Such a proper woman in other respects!

I was really touched by their visit to the cemetary at Normandy and the fact that they play Taps over the PA system and everyone stops to listen. All these years later, a good thing.

An example of the French "rigidness in doing things "right". When the woman at the fish pond wouldn't cut off the heads after cleaning it becasue "It would not be correct". Apparently the axiom "the customer is always right would seldom apply in France". And of course the customers isn't always right, I have to like the French for not being willing to put up with BS behavior (although in this case I couldn't figure what wasn't "right" about cutting off the fish heads)

I also liked Madame Fauriaux especially when she handled the "hoodlum" by pretending to take their pictures in front of the graffiti they wrote. It was so clever and simple. An "elegant" solution.

I was also interested in her observations on the Virgin Mary and Joan of Arc. Although I've been a lapsed CAtholic since High School, I suspect having been raised CAtholic (and having Joan of ARc as my Confirmation Saint) gives me a greater senstivity and appreciation for the image and draw of both the Virgin Mary and Joan of Arc. I enjoyed seeing them through her eyes and experience.

All in all, a really good read. Makes me want to start look for house rentals in the south of France! We can dream!

Kelly's Turn

I really enjoyed this book. It inspired a case of CPD syndrome and I flew through it. I liked that the flow of the book didn’t depend on the timeline. I also agree with Keri that I wish there had been pictures to accompany the stories – C’est la vie!

My favorite character in the book was definitely Madame Mallet. I think if I’d been in the Ramsey’s situation I would have had more patience with her from the start. I’m not as bothered by her behavior as they seemed to be. Not sure if you noticed, Keri, but Rebecca dedicated her book to Madame Mallet!

In the chapter “Monsieur Rouge, the Piano Man” I loved that the Ramsey’s decided to keep their piano as it was, even with it’s flaws. The descriptions of the piano were fabulous: “New freshly tuned pianos sounded too soft – too shy, too wishy-washy. I loved the way my piano echoed in my ears without even pressing the pedals, like a saloon piano from an old Western.” “I need a piano that’s at home in my house, wherever we live. And if it has great legs, curvy shoulders, and a voice that means business, what more could we want?” While these thoughts are wonderful in concept, as a musician, I’d hate to have a piano that couldn’t be tuned!

In the chapter “Blessed Mary” I enjoyed the description of Rebecca’s infatuation with Mary. But my favorite part was: “The Lord’s Prayer wasn’t part of every service back home at First Baptist, but now in our Episcopal service we said it every week, first in English and then in French. The French version was glued in the front of the prayer books, and I had it almost memorized. Huddling in our little stone chapel with all the other Americans and Brits and South Africans and saying the prayer together as best we could was one of my favorite parts of our service. Even with my bad accent it sounded beautiful. Saying it in French forced me to think about each word and reminded me that God was not American.”

In the chapter “Grandmere Bonnabry” I loved the bed and breakfast the Ramsey’s visited. While I’m not much of a B&B person myself, Madame Bonnabry seemed charming. I, again, had a hard time sympathizing with Rebecca when she got irritated with her hostess. The comments that were critical about the children weren’t incorrect or overly harsh. They did need some more discipline! It’s a pet peeve of mine when people say you just have to expect kids to behave badly when they’re young – kids live up to whatever expectation of them you have. If you expect them to behave, they will. Our generation has just become really lax with discipline. *climbing off the soap box*

I’d love to stay somewhere out of the USA for an extended period of time and see how I adapted and learned to fit in. Not necessarily France, but somewhere. This book made the idea attractive and was entertaining to boot.

Keri's thoughts

I didn't really like the questions in the back of the book, so I thought we can just talk about what we liked, didn't like, etc. this time. But if anyone wants to bring up some specific questions, we can do that too.

I really enjoyed the book. I wish there had been pictures of their homes, or scenic places mentioned or of their family. I didn't mind that the book didn't really keep a specific timeline and just meandered through their time in France from chapter to chapter.

In the chapter "French Skin" I was particularly fascinated by her observation about how French women are "more comfortable in their skin." In some ways I can see that the ease at which nudity was portrayed in every aspect of their lives might be annoying, frustrating, or bothersome it also became a way for them to see the acceptance was for every body type and not just the perfect ideals of America. "There was a statue in a rose garden downtown that became one of our favorites. It was a woman - a real woman - with thick thighs and round breasts. She stood facing a fountain, as if under the shower, holding back her long hair to let the water rinse through it. 'I like that girl', Sarah told me on a walk. It made me happy. I was sure that when we moved back home she might lose her fantastic accent, and she'd probably forget a lot of the words that once flowed so easily, but I hoped she'd always stand tall like that stone woman in the park, at peace with the skin God gave her."

In the chapter "Blessed Mary" I enjoyed how Rebecca became entranced by Mary. I would imagine that being in Europe and surrounded by so much religious iconography one would become intrigued by it. I can understand her wariness of having a Mary statue on display in her home, but felt that she handled it in a way I could agree with. She wasn't worshipping her Mary statue, but appreciating it's presence in her home and the peace that she could get from observing it. "I loved looking at my Mary, though I still gave all my prayers to the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. She stood there beside the pink delphiniums, a beautiful symbol of that it meant to be a servant, reminding me of our universal need to connect with what is holy, and bringing forth a prayer to my mind... (Lord's prayer in French)."

The chapter "11 Septembre" was also very meaningful. Beginning the book I didn't realize that they had been living in France in 2001, but it was interesting to read about how they found out, how their French friends and acquaintances reacted, and especially how their children handled it - Benjamin in particular. His very realistic and frightening dreams must have been so terrible to handle night after night, especially knowing there was nothing that they could do to help him. "Dreams...They tell the truth. His world is broken and it will never be the same. No one can fix it - that is the saddest part. Perhaps we don't properly appreciate how deeply children take in their environment, and how sensitive they are to the pain in the world...Perhaps I might need to reevaluate my theory - it appears that children are deep thinkers only some of the time. But I'm glad to do what I can. The pain of a finger I can handle - the pain of the world is another story."

One of my favorite characters in the book was Madame Mallet. I loved how attached she became to the the comings and goings and everything in between of the Ramsey's life in France. Though I am certain that had I myself had to deal with her I would not have handled it well...she made for a very interesting reading and I always looked forward to stories about her and what she had to say. I think she was a lonely woman who wanted or perhaps needed something to occupy her life...and the Ramsey's became her focus. She mothered them, disagreed with them, angered them, flattered them, and most of all loved them. "Don't you see? Henry said. You are such a close friend to her that she can be rude to you. You've made it. French people are only rude like that to their closest and dearest friends."
"Monsieur Mallet and I are holding on to life like crumbling fortresses. But we look forward to the day when you drive down our street for a visit and park in front of our gate, like you used to do before I instructed you to do it the proper way. You're so dear to us and we'll always love you, no matter what the crazy Roches say...We miss all of you, Affectionately, Astrid."

In the chapter "A Home for the Greatest Show on Earth" I loved the description of Rebecca's friend Madame de Thiolas' home - full of things which did not match yet went together anyways. This is what I aim for my own home to be like, though I probably tend more on the side of crazy, cozy clutter rather than Parisian elegance. :) But, I wholeheartedly agree with Madame de Thiolas when she says: "I suppose it is the French way to surround oneself with the things one loves...(then describing a visit to a home in Connecticut)...it was too perfect for my taste - too stiff, too sterile. Everything matched...That would stifle me - to lock myself into such a formula. I didn't understand it. What if you found something you loved but it didn't fit? What are you supposed to do - abandon it? No, I couldn't live like that." Even though it would never be my taste to decorate with a giant circus poster like Rebecca fell in love with...I love the idea of embracing what you love and surrounding yourself with objects, art, books, etc that make you happy...even if they don't match. What they have in common is that you love them.

All in all I truly enjoyed this book and hope that I someday have the opportunity to visit France for myself and experience the beauty, the history, the elegance, especially the food...and even the bird poo!

The next book is....

French by Heart: an American family's adventures in La Belle France by Rebecca S. Ramsey.

"Can a family of five from deep in the heart of Dixie find happiness smack-dab in the middle of France? A charming tale with world-class characters, French by Heart reads like letters from your funniest friend. More than just a slice of life in France, it's a heartwarming account of a family coming of age and learning what 'home sweet home' really means."

Hopefully this sounds as interesting to you two as it does to me. :) Kelly - I've submitted an ILL request for a copy for you. I figure we can plan to discuss it sometime next month? There are discussion questions in back of my copy which I will post later.

Kelly's Turn

I know I finished this book before everyone else, but I've been slow to put things together. Overall, I really enjoyed this book. I liked all the different people's stories put together and I have to admit I never even thought about if it would work this way in real life. I'm an easy one with the willing suspension of disbelief! I'm glad I didn't buy the book, though, as it's not something I would read over and over again. But there were a lot of great descriptions and great thoughts scattered throughout the book! (I skipped a few of the questions - you guys covered them well already!)

1) When Claire first walks into Lillian’s, she reflects: “When was the last time she had been someplace where nobody knew who she was?” Is the anonymity of the kitchen a lure for Lillian’s students?

I remember how I was when I first went into a chat room online. They were still a fairly new thing, and it was wonderful for me. I didn't have any stereotypes - everyone could be a friend - and no one judged me either! I can see that being in a cooking class like this could be very freeing for a mom in Claire's situation. Love these quotes from Claire's story:

“The strangeness of it caught her. It was hard to remember the last time she had gone anywhere without her children or her husband. … How strange, she thought. These people here, they looked at her and thought she was alone, she whose children were with her even in her dreams.”

“After the children were born, it was as if no one could see further than the soft hair, the round cheeks of the babies she carried. She became the frame for the picture that was her son and daughter.”


2) How did you respond to the story of Lillian’s upbringing? Would Lillian have been better off with a more traditional home life, like those of her school friends? Do you agree with Abuelita’s statement that “sometimes our greatest gifts grow from what we’re not given”?

She didn't have it as bad as many children have it, though that doesn't make her situation "easy", by any means. I think we all have to do the best with what we're given, and I think Lillian did! I completely agree with Abuelita's statement!


3) Besides scenes from her childhood, the author discloses very little about Lillian. Why do you think she did this? How would the book be different if we knew more about Lillian’s day-to-day life?

I think the author was more interested in making sure all the "ingredients"/people of her book had time to shine, rather than focusing on the chef preparing the meal. Hope that's not too philosophical an answer! :o)


4) As a general rule, Lillian doesn’t give her students recipes. Why do you think she does this? What are the pros and cons of this approach to cooking?

I don't know why and it would drive me NUTS to cook this way!! I have to admit I don't see any pros!


5) Did Helen do the right thing by telling Carl about her affair? How would their marriage — and Helen and Carl themselves — have evolved had he never learned the truth?

I think honesty is always in order, so yes. If she hadn't shared with him, she might not have left the other guy, and she might have continued to grow more distant from Carl, learned to think less of him for not noticing what was going on. Here's my favorite quotes from their story:

“He sank into the warmth of his child’s fragile body against his shoulder, watched in awe that a baby, still essentially asleep, could keep a death grip on the blanket that meant the world was safe and loving, marveling at the thought that it was he and Helen who gave the feeling to the blanket, and the blanket to the child.”

“Statistics predicted a far greater chance of divorce than automobile accident, death by violence, or the all-too-graphic possibility of “dismemberment” – which was perhaps why insurance companies didn’t sell policies for marital stability.”

“Carl’s older sister didn’t understand (why he stayed with his wife after she had been unfaithful). … ‘How long can you live like this?’ she asked him. ‘We made a promise, a long time ago.’ … ‘She broke the promise, Carl.’ But her tone was gentle. ‘We are keeping as much of it as we can.’ … ‘Marriage is a leap of faith. You are each other’s safety net.’ ‘People change.’ Carl stopped, and let his fingers rest on the counter in front of him. ‘I think that’s what we’re both counting on.’”


7) Although we only see Charlie, Tom’s wife, in flashback, she seems to share Lillian’s love of essential ingredients. What do you make of Charlie’s statement that “We are all just ingredients. What matters is the grace with which you cook the meal”?

Back to the "we make the best we can with what we've got" thought.

“Look at what you did,’ Lillian remarked quietly, standing next to Tom at the counter. ‘They’ll eat it,’ he said, ‘and then it’ll be gone.’ ‘That’s what makes it a gift,’ Lillian replied.”


11) At the end of the novel, Lillian reflects that: “She saw how connected [the students’] lives had become and would remain. Where did a teacher fit in the picture, she wondered, when there was no longer a class?” What do you think happens to Lillian once her class is disbanded? What do you imagine happens in to the other characters’ lives after the book ends?

I like to think that Tom and Lillian get married someday when he's done grieving. I'm a romantic like that!


Last quotes:
“Isabelle had always thought of her mind as a garden, a magical place to play as a child, when the grown-ups were having conversations and she was expected to listen politely – and even, although she hated to admit this, later with Edward, her husband, when listening to the particularities of his carpet salesmanship wore her thin. Every year the garden grew larger, the paths longer and more complicated. Meadows of memories. Of course, her mental garden hadn’t always been well tended. There were the years when the children were young, fast-moving periods when life flew by without time for the roots of deep reflection, and yet she knew memories were created whether one pondered them or not. She had always considered that one of the luxuries of growing older would be the chance to wander through the garden that had grown while she wasn’t looking. She would sit on a bench and let her mind take every path, tend every moment she hadn’t paid attention to, appreciate the juxtaposition of one memory against another. But now that she was older and had time, she found more often than not that she was lost – words, names, her children’s phone numbers arriving and departing from her mind like trains without schedules.”

“I’ve been wondering,’ Isabelle commented reflectively over dessert, ‘if it is foolish to make new memories when you know you are going to lose them.’ … After a while, she spoke again, ‘You know, I am starting to think that maybe memories are like this dessert. I eat it, and it becomes a part of me, whether I remember it later or not.”

“I knew a sculptor,’ Isabelle said, nodding. ‘He always said that if you looked hard enough, you could see where each person carried his soul in his body. It sounds crazy, but when you saw his sculptures, it made sense. I think the same is true with those we love. Our bodies carry the memories of them, in our muscles, in our skin, in our bones. My children are right here.’ She pointed to the inside curve of her elbow. ‘Where I held them when they were babies. Even if there comes a time when I don’t know who they are anymore, I believe I will feel them here.”

Keri's thoughts

I definitely enjoyed this book, but I can't say that I loved this book. I always like books which switch perspectives so that you can get a different idea of things and hear each characters stories. I got confused about a couple of the characters though, particularly Isabelle and Antonia. I love books about food as well, so that element in this book appealed to me as well. I wish that there had been actual recipes included though.


1) When Claire first walks into Lillian’s, she reflects: “When was the last time she had been someplace where nobody knew who she was?” Is the anonymity of the kitchen a lure for Lillian’s students?

I liked that quote from Claire as I think it is something we've all felt at one moment or another. When you are surrounded by people who know nothing about you, it can be a little scary as well as a bit freeing. They don't know all your stories, or how you normally act and that can be in turns a wonderful opportunity to be someone new, or can give you a sense of intense loneliness and a desire to keep yourself for those who already know you. I'm not sure that I felt that the anonymity was a lure, mostly just a side note to their experience.

2) How did you respond to the story of Lillian’s upbringing? Would Lillian have been better off with a more traditional home life, like those of her school friends? Do you agree with Abuelita’s statement that “sometimes our greatest gifts grow from what we’re not given”?

I felt sadness for Lillian and her mother. I could understand the desire to lose oneself in books, and though it wasn't the "best" upbringing for Lillian it taught her to survive on her own and teach herself in a way that she never would have had her mother not been so depressed. I do believe that sometimes our greatest joys can stem from what we achieve instead of what we receive and Lillian seems to have created a happy future for herself in spite of the loneliness of her childhood.

3) Besides scenes from her childhood, the author discloses very little about Lillian. Why do you think she did this? How would the book be different if we knew more about Lillian’s day-to-day life?

I think that the point of the novel was not that Lillian was the main character...she was simply a piece of the puzzle of this particular cooking class. We learned bits about her as we learned bits about each other member...but it was never meant to be a full story for anyone. I think it is about how our experiences reflect on those we come into contact with - creating moments of shared joy or sadness and cause us to reflect on how our past brought us to that moment and where we can move on from there.

4) As a general rule, Lillian doesn’t give her students recipes. Why do you think she does this? What are the pros and cons of this approach to cooking?

I think that the reason she doesn't give recipes is because she sees food as something very personal to each person. Thus each person will add or subtract the ingredients or amounts that appeal or don't appeal to them in the moment that they create the food. The benefit of cooking is that you can have this freedom to add a pinch of this, or a dash of that, switch out this ingredient for another that you like better and taste and see how it turns out. This freedom can be a wonderful gift...but on the other hand it can be a total frustration for others. Some people want and need the structure and comfort of a set recipe which turns out time and time again exactly the way one wants or needs it. I personally like a little bit of both...I love recipes, but I feel free to play with it to suit me in that moment.

5) Did Helen do the right thing by telling Carl about her affair? How would their marriage — and Helen and Carl themselves — have evolved had he never learned the truth?

In their case, I think that Helen made the right choice in telling Carl about her affair. They were able to move on and improve their relationship due to her honesty and how they got through it. However, I don't believe it is always the right choice to make, as Aunt Annette said. Sometimes it is better to keep it to yourself, deal with the guilt and move on without unnecessarily hurting the other person in order to make yourself feel better by "sharing" the guilt and hurt. But for them, they seemed to need the shaking up that her admission of the affair provided and it ultimately made their marriage stronger.

6) Each of the character’s stories centers on a dish or ingredient which has a profound affect upon how they see themselves or the world. What connections do you see between Claire and the crabs? Between Chloe and tortillas? Tom and the pasta sauce?

I just browsed through those chapters and really am not sure what to write as an answer...so I guess I have nothing to say for this one. :)

7) Although we only see Charlie, Tom’s wife, in flashback, she seems to share Lillian’s love of essential ingredients. What do you make of Charlie’s statement that “We are all just ingredients. What matters is the grace with which you cook the meal”?

We all add something when we cook for others. Our joy, hospitality, even a little bit of how we see the world. We chose specific dishes that have meaning for us even if the only meaning is that we really love how it tastes. And I think that our love for something, or the someone that we cook for, will come through in the meal we present.

8) Chloe observes that Thanksgiving at her house is “about everyone being the same and if you’re not, eating enough so you won’t notice.” Is this something that our culture buys into in a larger sense? How does Lillian’s approach to food fly in the face of this idea?

I have to mention that even though I love Christmas, I think that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I don't love the foods, though I've come to appreciate them and enjoy what I do eat that one day of the year. But what I do love it that for our family at least it is a celebration of togetherness. We include immediate family, extended family, family friends, friends, strangers...anyone is welcomed and treated like a member of the family. We share in the preparations - though some contribute a greater portion, everyone brings something to the table. We share our prayers, our food, our laughter, even tears with each other...and then we also share in the clean up. I think that what our family does seems to capture a bit of what Lillian believed about food...but I know that it isn't necessarily how our culture behaves.

9) Isaac says to Isabelle that he thinks “we are each a ladder and a chair for the other.” What do you think he means? Are there people in your life who are or have been that for you?

I suppose that he meant that they were a support for each other in times of movement and in times of quiet? If this is what he means, then I have definitely had a variety of people who have been that for me over the years. Sometimes it is for only a short time, like my friend Megan on our two summer mission trips. I don't think either of us would have coped as well without each other there for support, love and encouragement...but we aren't close friends now. I think that God brings people into our lives all the time just exactly when we need them or when they need us...we just have to be open to the connection.

10) Lillian tells the class that “A holiday is a lot like a kitchen. What’s important is what comes out of it.” In what way do the kitchens in this book — Lillian’s childhood kitchen, the greasy spoon where Tom meets Charlie, the kitchen that Antonia saves from demolition — represent different celebrations of life? Is there a kitchen in your life that you associate with a particular celebration or emotional milestone?

I love kitchens and I think that they can be a very important part of a family life. My childhood memories of the kitchen include helping my Dad work in the kitchen at Fosters Freeze, "washing" dishes and licking the beaters, and learning to cook as I grew older and making fancy meals for my parents for their anniversary. Now my kitchen is one of my favorite rooms and a place that I want to be accessible for my guests and a place that they can feel at home.

11) At the end of the novel, Lillian reflects that: “She saw how connected [the students’] lives had become and would remain. Where did a teacher fit in the picture, she wondered, when there was no longer a class?” What do you think happens to Lillian once her class is disbanded? What do you imagine happens in to the other characters’ lives after the book ends?

I think that a memorable class with a memorable teacher is never forgotten and depending on how strong the connection is the students would try to maintain contact. I know that I have several teachers that are still part of my life even though many years have past since I was a part of their classrooms. I don't really think too much about what happened to the characters now...but I suppose that I assume that they are happy and sharing the things they learned with the other people in their lives.

12) What would be your essential ingredients?

If we are talking about actual ingredients I would probably say either lemon or garlic as both are something I use a lot and love the flavor of in many things. But otherwise, I would say that my essential ingredient is love. I feel so blessed by so much love in my life and can't imagine what I would be like if I didn't have this wonderful cocoon of love surrounding me as far back as I can remember. I know that not everyone feels this and that just makes me grateful and thank God once again that I somehow was blessed.

Some favorite quotes:

• "(Lillian) felt about her zester the way some women do about a pair of spiky red shoes - a frivolous splurge, good only for parties, bu oh so lovely...There were so few occasions for a zester, using it felt like a holiday."
• "(Claire) I remember my wedding cake...I was so hungry...Here was this incredible cake...I told my husband I was starving, and he took a fork and just stuck it in the side of the cake and fed me a bite. My mother and the photographer were furious, but I always tell James that was the moment when I married him."
• "Flour is like the guy in the movie who you don't realize is sexy until the very end...Butter is so much more alluring. But the thing is, flour is what holds a cake together."
• "And slowly, as he waited for illumination, what had happened each day - began to pile up against what he could not imagine, until the secret she couldn't keep became one more part of their lives, one more stick in the nest they had built of moments and promises, the first time he had seen her, the second time they had fought, his hand touching her hair as she nursed a baby. Carl was a bird-watcherl; he knew that not all sticks in a nest are straight."
• "Life is beautiful. Some people just remind you of that more than others."
• "Isabelle had always thought of her mind as a gardern...Every year the garden grew larger, the paths longer and more complicated. Meadows of memories...she knew memories were created whether one pondered them or not. She had always considered that one of the luxuries of growing older would be the chance to wander through the garden that had grown while she wasn't looking. She would sit on a bench and let her mind take every path, tend every moment she hadn't paid attention to, appreciate the juxtaposition of one memory against another."
• "(Isabelle) When she realized that there are many kinds of love and not all of them are obvious, that some wait, like presents in the back of the closet, until you are able to open them."
• "I think it is good to not know things sometimes...It makes everything...a possibility, if you don't know the answer."

Two Things

I believe it will Keri's choice next go around.

And, I just saw the trailer for the movie "My sister's Keeper". I can't wait until it comes out. I wonder how true to the book it will be.

Annette's View

Thanks Keri for posting the questions. I'll get to them in a minute. But first I need to preface my discussion with the fact I didn't really like this book. I wanted to like the book. And there were moments when I like parts of the book. There were characters who I liked. but all in all, the book bugged me. I felt that it was unrealistic. I found the ability of the characters to bond in seconds to be unbelievable. And they were able to reach levels of intimacy that are rare to achieve over time much less with a touch at a cooking class. Some of the authors writing was quite beautiful but at times she was trying too hard and it was just one simile/metaphor after another. Too much of a good thing. There were times when I just said "oh, come on". One example..Helen eats a bite of chocolate and it brings back memories. That part isn't hard to believe...I've had times when the taste or smell of something has taken me back to a different time/place. But Helen has not one...not two...but FOUR really detailed and intense memories off that one bite of chocolate...boomboomboom. This was really stretching things for me.

And they had convesations I don't think most people would have within 4 seconds of meeting one another. There is one on page 51 where Helen asks Claire "What do you do that makes you happy, just you? I just can't imagine a perfect stranger asking that of someone within 1 minute of meeting them. On page 66, there is a discussion of how Carl and Helen first dance which is the beginning of their relationship. But at the end of the dance, he says "your home". I mean really...who would say that? to someone after their first dance?

I thought the description of food and preparing the food was much better and the strongest part of the book. I enjoyed that part.

Okay, now to the Q&A

1) When Claire first walks into Lillian’s, she reflects: “When was the last time she had been someplace where nobody knew who she was?” Is the anonymity of the kitchen a lure for Lillian’s students?

I don't think the anonymity of the kitchen is what brought them to cooking class. It may be why they feel comfortable there though. However, the author brings everyone so close in such a short period of time that I would harldy say that the place is very anonymous after a couple of weeks.


2) How did you respond to the story of Lillian’s upbringing? Would Lillian have been better off with a more traditional home life, like those of her school friends? Do you agree with Abuelita’s statement that “sometimes our greatest gifts grow from what we’re not given”?

hmmm. better off? I always find that kind of question both interesting and perturbing. I think you end up where you end up and some make more with what they are given than others. Maybe its true some make up for what they are NOT given than others.

i did find it way too hard to believe that mashed potatos and mexican hot chocolate ahd the power to bring her mother out of such a profound depression. I think this is taking a metaphor way too far afield. Her mother was profoundly dysfunctional, I don't think you just wake up one day and say hmmm....hot chocolate...life beings again!


3) Besides scenes from her childhood, the author discloses very little about Lillian. Why do you think she did this? How would the book be different if we knew more about Lillian’s day-to-day life?

I really don't know, except that Lillian is kind of like the "magic fairy godmother" in the book...the mysterious seer....the waver of magic wand (in this case the magic spoon). the book really centers on how the author sees the participants in the cooking class growing and changing, not how Lillian grows and changes.


4) As a general rule, Lillian doesn’t give her students recipes. Why do you think she does this? What are the pros and cons of this approach to cooking?

hmmm. when you are comfortable cooking without a recipe, I believe you are less afraid of cooking and perhaps more creative. perhaps the food reflects you more than others. however, i find it a bizarre way to teach newbies. I always start with a known recipe and then create from there, deviate however I feel comfortable. I think the author was more interested in making a point than describing how most cooking classes are taught. I've taken many, never had one without a recipe.


5) Did Helen do the right thing by telling Carl about her affair? How would their marriage — and Helen and Carl themselves — have evolved had he never learned the truth?

I don't think she should have told him. It hurt him without changing anything. She was staying with Carl and loved him. She would have to learn how to live with the memories of the lover and say goodbye to all that. She had to do that her own way anyhow. I think it would have been easier if he hadn't known.


6) Each of the character’s stories centers on a dish or ingredient which has a profound affect upon how they see themselves or the world. What connections do you see between Claire and the crabs? Between Chloe and tortillas? Tom and the pasta sauce?

I hadn't really thought about that until now...but I guess I should have...they are the ultimate metaphors.

7) Although we only see Charlie, Tom’s wife, in flashback, she seems to share Lillian’s love of essential ingredients. What do you make of Charlie’s statement that “We are all just ingredients. What matters is the grace with which you cook the meal”?

I'm not sure I get it frankly.


8) Chloe observes that Thanksgiving at her house is “about everyone being the same and if you’re not, eating enough so you won’t notice.” Is this something that our culture buys into in a larger sense? How does Lillian’s approach to food fly in the face of this idea?

One of the things that I did love about the book was how Lillian encourage everyone to slow down and savor flavors and ingredients. She tried to encourage them essentially that "more is not alway better". She attempted them to wakeup to the best tastes (like the ugly tomato). I thought this was a good message and always made me hungry.

9) Isaac says to Isabelle that he thinks “we are each a ladder and a chair for the other.” What do you think he means? Are there people in your life who are or have been that for you?

I forget in what context this was said...so I'm afraid I don't understand it and don't really want to make the effort to go figure it out.


0) Lillian tells the class that “A holiday is a lot like a kitchen. What’s important is what comes out of it.” In what way do the kitchens in this book — Lillian’s childhood kitchen, the greasy spoon where Tom meets Charlie, the kitchen that Antonia saves from demolition — represent different celebrations of life? Is there a kitchen in your life that you associate with a particular celebration or emotional milestone?

Not sure. And no.


11) At the end of the novel, Lillian reflects that: “She saw how connected [the students’] lives had become and would remain. Where did a teacher fit in the picture, she wondered, when there was no longer a class?” What do you think happens to Lillian once her class is disbanded? What do you imagine happens in to the other characters’ lives after the book ends?

Again..I think the extent to which the students "connected" and became intimate with one another is simply unrealistic and I have trouble extending those relationships into the future. To have had one or two connect in that way is possible. to have had it happen in a class that met for a long time, possibly. But again...this just didn't work for me. Lillian will move onto the next class...and in the authors world I'm sure she will weave the same "magic" onto the next class of people. I believe the author would like us to believe that everyone will live happily ever after since in the end I believe she wrote a fairy tale.

12) What would be your essential ingredients?