My Sister's Keeper - by Kelly

Reread the prologue to My Sister's Keeper. Who is the speaker? Is it the same person you thought it was the first time you read it? The speaker is Kate – I thought it was Anna when I first read it. Looking back at it now is kind of disturbing!

Why is Jesse's behavior so aberrant, while until now, Anna has been so compliant? Jesse thought he wasn’t needed, so he did anything he could to be noticed. Anna was SO needed, she just went with the flow – she loved her sister, too. I agree with Aunt Annette that I felt more pity for Jesse than for Anna!

What might be a possible reason for Brian's fascination with astronomy? Something stable, something normal, constant – something he could track, observe, measure; his life was so hectic

On page 98, Kate is being admitted to the hospital in very serious condition. She mouths to Jesse, "tell Anna," but is unable to finish. What do you think she was trying to say? Maybe that she loves her; not to do anything to change the situation

Did Anna do the right thing, honoring Kate's wishes? I think so… though if I was in her situation, I wouldn’t have done it. I would have said, “Too bad, sis, I want to keep you around and will do whatever it takes to do that!”

Do you feel it was unfair of Kate to ask Anna to refuse to donate a kidney, even though this seemed to be the only way for her to avoid the lifesaving transplant? Yes – Kate should have just said she didn’t want it. It’s a lot to put on a 13 year olds plate! Not only dealing with the legal stuff, but having to deal with her sister’s death and feeling/knowing she was the cause of it!

Do you feel that it's ethical to conceive a child that meets specific genetic requirements? I’m definitely against genetic design for things like gender, hair/eye color, etc., though I wonder how I’d feel in Sara’s situation. If you know that you want another child, that you’re only planning on using cord blood to help your firstborn, and that by having the child meet those genetic specifications you may be able to save your other child… I could easily see myself doing the same thing. Even as the years passed and procedure after procedure came up, I can still see myself making similar medical decisions, though I’d hope I would be more sensitive to my non-sick kids than Sara & Brian were to theirs!

Do you sympathize with Sara? The parts of the book that are from the time when Kate was a baby/little girl and are written from Sara's perspective, I completely sympathize with her. I pray I never have to be in that situation and I understand why she did what she did. However, the parts that are written from her perspective when the kids are older (present time), I, like Aunt Annette, wanted to smack her quite a few times for acting like her other kids didn't matter.

Here are my favorite quotes:

“In my previous life, I was a civil attorney. At one point I truly believed that was what I wanted to be – but that was before I’d been handed a fistful of crushed violets from a toddler. Before I understood that the smile of a child is a tattoo: indelible art. It drives my sister Suzanne crazy. She’s a finance whiz who decimated the glass ceiling at the Bank of Boston, and according to her, I’m a waste of cerebral evolution. But I think half the battle is figuring out what works for you, and I am much better at being a mother than I ever would have been as a lawyer. I sometimes wonder if it is just me, or if there are other women who figure out where they are supposed to be by going nowhere.”\

Sara’s thoughts in response to the diagnosis about Kate’s leukemia – “This is happening to us because I yelled at Jesse last week, yesterday, moments ago. This is happening because I didn’t buy Kate the M&M’s she wanted at the grocery store. This is happening because once, for a split second, I wondered what my life would have been like if I’d never had children. This is happening because I did not realize how good I have it.”

“There are pictures of me, too, but not many. I go from infant to about ten years old in one fell swoop. Maybe it’s because I was the third child, and they were sick and tired of keeping a catalog of life. Maybe it’s because they forgot. It’s nobody’s fault, and it’s not a big deal, but it’s a little depressing all the same. A photo says, You were happy, and I wanted to catch that. A photo says, You were so important to me that I put down everything else to come watch.”

“The human capacity for burden is like bamboo – far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.”

“Did I tell Kate I loved her before I put her to bed last night? I cannot remember. I cannot remember at all.”

“When you care more if someone else lives than you do about yourself… is that what love’s like?”

“I wonder if all mothers feel like this the moment they realize their daughters are growing up – as if it is impossible to believe that the laundry I once folded for her was doll-sized; as if I can still see her dancing in lazy pirouettes along the lip of the sandbox. Wasn’t it yesterday that her hand was only as big as the sand dollar she found on the beach? That same hand, the one that’s holding a boy’s; wasn’t it just holding mine, tugging so that I might stop and see the spiderweb, the milkweed pod, any of a thousand moments she wanted me to freeze? Time is an optical illusion – never quite as solid or strong as we think it is. You would assume that, given everything, I would have seen this coming. But watching Kate watch this boy, I see I have a thousand things to learn.”

“I realize then that we never have children, we receive them. And sometimes it’s not for quite as long as we would have expected or hoped. But it is still far better than never having had those children at all.”

“See, as much as you want to hold on to the bitter sore memory that someone has left this world, you are still in it. And the very act of living is a tide: at first it seems to make no difference at all, and then one day you look down and see how much pain has eroded.”

After looking at who I quoted the most, I see that maybe I sympathize with Sara more than I thought! Almost all my quotes are from her. :o)

Annette on "my sister's keeper"

I answered most of the question you posted. At the end…I added a few more of my own that I got off the internet. In general I liked this book although at times I found it hard to read because the book really raised more questions than it answered or that could be easily answered. Because the viewpoint of the story kept switching between the characters, I would be just getting comfortable with one view point and one set of opinions when I was faced with a different set of “facts” and emotions. This was ultimately very effective and true to life. Because the issues that faced the family were not simple or easily answered. It was a messy situation.

Reread the Prologue. Who is the speaker? Is it the same person you thought it was the first time you read it?

No, I thought it was Anna. In fact if I hadn’t read this question I still would have thought it was Anna. It is interesting how she also felt she didn’t “exist” except in relation to Anna.

Why is Jesse’s behavior so aberrant, while until now, Anna has been so compliant?

Anna actually remains compliant to the end really given that she is doing what she is doing at Kate’s request. She is doing what she always has done, sacrifice for Kate. Jesse? He is trying to be visible. He is trying to matter. He is trying to get someone, anyones attention.

What might be a possible reason for Brian’s fascination with astronomy?

Escape maybe? Trying to make sense of the unknown and the unknowable. Maybe he is trying to find a moment of peace in the midst of a crazy world.

Page 98. When Kate mouths to Jesse “tell Anna”…what do you think she was trying to say?

…I think perhaps “tell Anna to say no”…or to tell her this is Anna’s chance to help her die…by refusing to do it. Or to say..."this is it". The book doesn't say it...but its obvious that Jesse also knew how Kate felt and what Anna's real motifcations were...at least I think he did.

Page 122. Who understood better how to “help” Kate…Sara or Anna.
I think that they both did in their own way from their own perspective and experience. Anna certainly was closer perhaps to Kate’s fears and desires…but Sara could see a different picture and a different future.

Did Anna do the right thing honoring Kate’s wishes?

I don’t know if it was the “right” thing…but I would have done the same thing. With hindsight we know that the kidney transplant was a good thing and gave Kate a life (which she never imagined)…so with hindsight it was the “wrong” thing. But none of us can make decisions with the benefit of hindsight. I know Anna did it with enormous love because it was so hard for her to do and was opposite from what she would have done on her own. She really felt as though it was an act of love for Kate. But also there was a "selfish" component which she would be free at last from being the eternal "drug" for Kate. But I don't believe that was really it...I think she did it only because Anna asked her.

Do you think it was unfair of Kate to ask Anna to refuse to donate a kidney? Hmmm…unfair. What was “fair” about Kate’s life or Anna’s for that matter. I think it was something that a person could only ask of someone who they truly love and who truly loves them. It was a huge burden to ask of Anna because had she actually not been a donor, Kate would have died. And Anna would have lost her sister and would have to live with her decision and life without Kate….which I think would have been hard on her and would have been difficult in her relationship with her parents. So it was asking an awful lot from a 13 year old (it would be a lot to ask of an adult!). But if Kate couldn’t ask her sister, who could she ask?

On page 142, Brian says that when rescuing someone from a fire, that “the safety of the rescuer is of a higher priority than the safety of the victim, Always.” How does this apply to his role in his own family? I think those views are why he (at least for a time) supports Anna’s decision. I believe its why he could see past just what Kate needed. How he felt empathy (perhaps more empathy) for Anna’s life.

On page 149 Brian is talking to Julia about astronomy and says, “Dark matter has a gravitational effect on other objects. You can’t see it, you can’t feel it, but you can watch something being pulled in its direction.” How is this symbolic of Kate’s illness. I’m not sure…perhaps that the cancer is always there…always sneaking up and changing Kate’s life and her course in life. And that when she is ill, everything revolves around her and in some ways sucks the life out of the family.

Do you agree with Brian’s decision to not turn Jesse in? Again…I don’t know if it’s “right” in a legal sense (in fact I'm sure it isn't "right" in the legal sense), but I can understand it and would have done it also. For several reasons, first I believe it really was a cry for help not a sign of psychopathic behavior. Second, I believe that the family and their situation really helped create the situation. I really thought it was a bad idea to give such a young man/boy so much independence and isolation by living in the garage and turning a blind eye to his drugs and drinking. I realize that they had so much going on with Kate that it was difficult…but I’m not sure I would have done the same thing. They really were in some ways sacrificing more than Anna’s comfort and health…they really in many ways abandoned Jesse…not intentionally of course. But nonetheless they really created the environment of isolation that Jesse was wallowing in. And finally…I’m not sure the family could have survived if Jesse had been arrested and jailed. I’m pretty sure that Sara would have completely fallen apart…I often felt she was barely holding on as it was.

Do you believe it’s ethical to conceive a child that meets specific genetic requirements? I don’t really like it and I think that there can be many unaddressed negative issues that are raised. For instance, in this case…if the family had had counseling, advice, and support on how to best support Anna (and jesse) perhaps it would have been better for her, for Kate, for the parents. But I don’t think much of the idea of “creating children” to fit certain bills (like picking the sex)…What if people start picking for skin color, eye color? First..I worry about parents who think those things are that important. Then I ask myself would I have created a child to save my other child…I must admit…I don’t know the answer. I can understand the desparate desire to save my first born. On the otherhand...Sara and Brain started out by only wanting the cord blood...they didn't know where the road was going to take them and how much they were going to end up asking of Anna.




What is your opinion of Sara? Did you find yourself criticizing her? Emphatizing with her? Or both? Does she neglect her other children? What would you have done in her shoes? Does she unwittingly forget Anna and Jesse or do you think she chooses to neglect them…either because she is saving a little energy or to perhaps even punish them for being healthy? Normal?

I must admit I was more often critical of her than I felt sorry for her or emphasized with her. I mean I did emphasize with her…but…I found myself sometimes wanting to shake her and ask her to see her other children. I wanted her to be more like Brian. In some ways I sometimes felt that it was beyond just wanting to save Kate. It was a control thing, the need to fix things…and when things didn’t go right…she had to admit failure. I’m a control freak, so I can understand this…but still…I still can’t believe how they let Jesse go…it was kind of like…oh well…let’s just hope he doesn’t get in TOO much trouble. I felt worse for Jesse than I did for Anna. He was so isolated.

Discussion questions for My Sister's Keeper

Kelly & I thought it might be helpful to have some discussion questions in mind when we review the books we read. I found these on Jodi Picoult's website. We don't have to answer all of them. I've ordered copies of the book for me and Kelly so hopefully we will start reading this weekend or early next week. When do you want to discuss Aunt Annette?

• Reread the prologue to My Sister's Keeper. Who is the speaker? Is it the same person you thought it was the first time you read it?
• What is the metaphorical relevance of Brian's profession as a fire chief?
• Why is Jesse's behavior so aberrant, while until now, Anna has been so compliant?
• What might be a possible reason for Brian's fascination with astronomy?
• On page 98, Kate is being admitted to the hospital in very serious condition. She mouths to Jesse, "tell Anna," but is unable to finish. What do you think she was trying to say?
• On page 122, Julia says, "Even if the law says that no one is responsible for anyone else, helping someone who needs it is the right thing to do." Who understood better how to "help" Kate, Sara or Anna?
• Did Anna do the right thing, honoring Kate's wishes?
• Do you feel it was unfair of Kate to ask Anna to refuse to donate a kidney, even though this seemed to be the only way for her to avoid the lifesaving transplant?
• On page 142, Brian says that when rescuing someone from a fire, that "the safety of the rescuer is of a higher priority than the safety of the victim. Always." How does this apply to his role in his own family?
• On page 144, Brian says, "Like anything that's been confined, fire has a natural instinct to escape." How does this truth apply to Kate? to Brian himself?
• On page 149, Brian is talking to Julia about astronomy and says, "Dark matter has a gravitational effect on other objects. You can't see it, you can't feel it, but you can watch something being pulled in its direction." How is this symbolic of Kate's illness?
• For what reason(s) did Brian offer Anna a place to stay at the firehouse while the legal proceedings were underway?
• How does Anna's decision to pursue medical emancipation parallel Campbell's decision to end his relationship with Julia after his accident?
• Do you agree with Brian's decision not to turn Jesse in to the authorities for setting the fires?
• Do you feel that it's ethical to conceive a child that meets specific genetic requirements?
• If not, do you believe that there should be specific exceptions, such as the purpose of saving another person's life, or is this just a "slippery slope?"

I think its my turn

Is it my turn to pick a book? I'd like to recommend "My Sister's Keeper" by Jodi Picoult. It's been sitting on my bedside table since before Christmas when my best friend Peg gave it to me. I've read several Picoult books and generally have liked them...thought I'd try another. Is that okay with you guys?

Keri's take on The Wedding Officer

I enjoyed this book a lot, especially the love story and beautiful descriptions of Italy and the food. The war part got a little bit tiresome at times, but there were enough interesting bits to keep me going through it. I agree with the Kelly that it did seem to wrap up quickly at the end and Livia seemed to abruptly become a communist and able to fight.

The food descriptions were mouth-watering even when I knew it was food I would never want to try in real life. But some of the other foods were so simple and sounded so delicious that I must try them...especially I want to try fettuccine al limone. I also liked what Livia says about how "in Italy we don't cook dishes, we cook ingredients...First, we decide what looks good, and then we buy the other things we need to go with it."

I agree with what Aunt Annette mentioned about how Italians saw the war and their "liberators". One quote that stuck out for me was "...it was clear that liberation was going to be no better, and in many ways far worse, than occupation by the Germans...Now Italy was a battleground in which neither side was Italian, and for both sides, the needs of the civilian population came a poor second to the importance of winning the war."

As for Livia's decision to basically sell herself to Alberto in order to get needed medicine for her father...I could see why she chose to do it. I don't think it was her fault that her father was burned, and I don't think that she had to do what she did. But I can see why she felt that she must do it...but she knew it wasn't right, she knew that it changed her, and ultimately she chose a fate that many would see as worse by going to Germany with the prostitutes instead of marrying him. I don't think I would have made the same choices she made...but how can I really know what I would do if I was in her same circumstances?

Back on a happier note, I also enjoyed how James began to see how different life could be from the one he had always known...and began to fall in love with the food, culture, people and scenery of Italy.

• "...this new dish was something else, teasing his appetite awake again, and the intensity of its flavors bringing to life taste buds he had never even knew existed."
• "...James felt a pang of affection for the place; so unpredictable, so maddening, yet capable of springing surprises like putting a sleeping girl on your motorbike in the middle of the night, and in the middle of a war to boot."
• "It must be wonderful, he thought, to love a place as much as she clearly loved it here. Nowhere that he had ever lived has inspired such affection in him. For him, home was simply where you went when you weren't away at school."
• "A person can't choose where he's born. But he can choose where he spends his life, and I want to spend mine here."

Additionally, since it doesn't fit in anywhere else really...I liked what Livia said to James just before they fight the Germans after he asks her to marry him. "If you're going to marry me, James...you're going to have to get a lot less attached to sense." :)

Kelly Takes on the Wedding Officer

So this is my favorite book we've read as a group so far! Like Aunt Annette mentioned, the three levels of the storyline were all intriguing - the food, the love story and the war story. I think I liked the love story best, but mostly because of how much it was about food. The conversations that were about food and sex were very clever. I love that James wanted to learn to cook so he could be near Livia. I love how she mistakenly thought he was gay because of his interest in cooking. I love how their relationship developed and how it survived even the toughest situations.

The war story was a harder read. I tend to like happy stories, not too much drama, not too much horror. I think the one quote that summarizes it to me is when the major says:

"Really, Gould. I think you're failing to focus on the big picture."
"It's only when one focuses on the small picture," James said, "that the full horror of this scheme becomes apparent."

Aunt Annette's thoughts on the subject of liberation were spot on. I also think the part where Livia ends up with the communists was far less believable, how quickly she was gung-ho, etc. The last part of the book seemed less planned/thought out. The ends were tied up neatly in the story of the annual meal, though, so I'm a happy camper.

I would have written earlier and more on the subject, but I just got the book yesterday and I wanted to make sure we didn't get too far behind waiting on me! :o)

Annette's Take on The Wedding Officer

I liked The Wedding Officer on several different levels: the food, the love story, and the war story. First, I thought the novel was very thought provoking on the issue of what being “liberators” meant. Who were they liberating? How did soldiers treat the people who they were supposedly liberating? We saw kind soldiers and morally bankrupt soldiers. We saw women who prostituted themselves out of desperation, hunger, and fear. And we saw a few women who knew where a buck could be made and frankly embraced the concept of “being a whore”. We saw military policies which were well intentioned but could never succeed in their goals. And we saw horrific military policies (in particular the sending of prostitues to the german brothels) that were completely abhorrent to me. They were treating those women as chattel, objects, military weapons. Where was the humanity in liberating the Italians from the horrors of the Nazis???? I didn’t see them drafting US women as soldiers given them syphilis and sending them behind the lines. They essentially enslaved these womens as weapons. Not our finest hour.

I thought the book really got across the dehumanizing effects of war, occupation, liberation, etc. I think it was even more difficult to take because the first part of the book had the wonderful images of food and love and sexual attraction. These parts of the books celebrated the human condition whether they were british, Italian, or American.

The description of the trench warfare was very vivid and nightmarish. I could almost hear the mortars. The section when Livia ends up with the communist, I thought was necessary but a little contrived…it wasn’t as fleshed out as the rest. Although it did do the job as to why communism, at that moment, appealed so much to the Italians. The Nazis had walked all over them, Mussolini had failed them (initially), the Allies mistreated them (intentionally or unintentionally) and even nature seemed to have turned against them with the eruption of Vesuvius. The “tidiness” and “fairness” that communism supposedly offered must have seem like manna from heaven.

And finally I loved the exploration of food and love and sex. I loved the conversation they would have about food when it was really about intimacy and sex. Very clever. I loved that this stiff lipped british soldiers weaned on gray gravy, overcooked meat, and vegetables like mush could come to appreciate and savor REAL cooking.

I plan to make that simple pasta sauce when I get home from So Cal.

Then there is Alberto and what Livia decided to do with him in order to save his father? What do you think you would have done in that case? Where you father was dying and you felt you were to blame?

What other moral dilemmas did you see that made you think…what would I do? What could I do? What would I do differently?