Thanks Keri for posting the questions. I'll get to them in a minute. But first I need to preface my discussion with the fact I didn't really like this book. I wanted to like the book. And there were moments when I like parts of the book. There were characters who I liked. but all in all, the book bugged me. I felt that it was unrealistic. I found the ability of the characters to bond in seconds to be unbelievable. And they were able to reach levels of intimacy that are rare to achieve over time much less with a touch at a cooking class. Some of the authors writing was quite beautiful but at times she was trying too hard and it was just one simile/metaphor after another. Too much of a good thing. There were times when I just said "oh, come on". One example..Helen eats a bite of chocolate and it brings back memories. That part isn't hard to believe...I've had times when the taste or smell of something has taken me back to a different time/place. But Helen has not one...not two...but FOUR really detailed and intense memories off that one bite of chocolate...boomboomboom. This was really stretching things for me.
And they had convesations I don't think most people would have within 4 seconds of meeting one another. There is one on page 51 where Helen asks Claire "What do you do that makes you happy, just you? I just can't imagine a perfect stranger asking that of someone within 1 minute of meeting them. On page 66, there is a discussion of how Carl and Helen first dance which is the beginning of their relationship. But at the end of the dance, he says "your home". I mean really...who would say that? to someone after their first dance?
I thought the description of food and preparing the food was much better and the strongest part of the book. I enjoyed that part.
Okay, now to the Q&A
1) When Claire first walks into Lillian’s, she reflects: “When was the last time she had been someplace where nobody knew who she was?” Is the anonymity of the kitchen a lure for Lillian’s students?
I don't think the anonymity of the kitchen is what brought them to cooking class. It may be why they feel comfortable there though. However, the author brings everyone so close in such a short period of time that I would harldy say that the place is very anonymous after a couple of weeks.
2) How did you respond to the story of Lillian’s upbringing? Would Lillian have been better off with a more traditional home life, like those of her school friends? Do you agree with Abuelita’s statement that “sometimes our greatest gifts grow from what we’re not given”?
hmmm. better off? I always find that kind of question both interesting and perturbing. I think you end up where you end up and some make more with what they are given than others. Maybe its true some make up for what they are NOT given than others.
i did find it way too hard to believe that mashed potatos and mexican hot chocolate ahd the power to bring her mother out of such a profound depression. I think this is taking a metaphor way too far afield. Her mother was profoundly dysfunctional, I don't think you just wake up one day and say hmmm....hot chocolate...life beings again!
3) Besides scenes from her childhood, the author discloses very little about Lillian. Why do you think she did this? How would the book be different if we knew more about Lillian’s day-to-day life?
I really don't know, except that Lillian is kind of like the "magic fairy godmother" in the book...the mysterious seer....the waver of magic wand (in this case the magic spoon). the book really centers on how the author sees the participants in the cooking class growing and changing, not how Lillian grows and changes.
4) As a general rule, Lillian doesn’t give her students recipes. Why do you think she does this? What are the pros and cons of this approach to cooking?
hmmm. when you are comfortable cooking without a recipe, I believe you are less afraid of cooking and perhaps more creative. perhaps the food reflects you more than others. however, i find it a bizarre way to teach newbies. I always start with a known recipe and then create from there, deviate however I feel comfortable. I think the author was more interested in making a point than describing how most cooking classes are taught. I've taken many, never had one without a recipe.
5) Did Helen do the right thing by telling Carl about her affair? How would their marriage — and Helen and Carl themselves — have evolved had he never learned the truth?
I don't think she should have told him. It hurt him without changing anything. She was staying with Carl and loved him. She would have to learn how to live with the memories of the lover and say goodbye to all that. She had to do that her own way anyhow. I think it would have been easier if he hadn't known.
6) Each of the character’s stories centers on a dish or ingredient which has a profound affect upon how they see themselves or the world. What connections do you see between Claire and the crabs? Between Chloe and tortillas? Tom and the pasta sauce?
I hadn't really thought about that until now...but I guess I should have...they are the ultimate metaphors.
7) Although we only see Charlie, Tom’s wife, in flashback, she seems to share Lillian’s love of essential ingredients. What do you make of Charlie’s statement that “We are all just ingredients. What matters is the grace with which you cook the meal”?
I'm not sure I get it frankly.
8) Chloe observes that Thanksgiving at her house is “about everyone being the same and if you’re not, eating enough so you won’t notice.” Is this something that our culture buys into in a larger sense? How does Lillian’s approach to food fly in the face of this idea?
One of the things that I did love about the book was how Lillian encourage everyone to slow down and savor flavors and ingredients. She tried to encourage them essentially that "more is not alway better". She attempted them to wakeup to the best tastes (like the ugly tomato). I thought this was a good message and always made me hungry.
9) Isaac says to Isabelle that he thinks “we are each a ladder and a chair for the other.” What do you think he means? Are there people in your life who are or have been that for you?
I forget in what context this was said...so I'm afraid I don't understand it and don't really want to make the effort to go figure it out.
0) Lillian tells the class that “A holiday is a lot like a kitchen. What’s important is what comes out of it.” In what way do the kitchens in this book — Lillian’s childhood kitchen, the greasy spoon where Tom meets Charlie, the kitchen that Antonia saves from demolition — represent different celebrations of life? Is there a kitchen in your life that you associate with a particular celebration or emotional milestone?
Not sure. And no.
11) At the end of the novel, Lillian reflects that: “She saw how connected [the students’] lives had become and would remain. Where did a teacher fit in the picture, she wondered, when there was no longer a class?” What do you think happens to Lillian once her class is disbanded? What do you imagine happens in to the other characters’ lives after the book ends?
Again..I think the extent to which the students "connected" and became intimate with one another is simply unrealistic and I have trouble extending those relationships into the future. To have had one or two connect in that way is possible. to have had it happen in a class that met for a long time, possibly. But again...this just didn't work for me. Lillian will move onto the next class...and in the authors world I'm sure she will weave the same "magic" onto the next class of people. I believe the author would like us to believe that everyone will live happily ever after since in the end I believe she wrote a fairy tale.
12) What would be your essential ingredients?
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Discussion questions found on author's website
Discussion Questions:
1) When Claire first walks into Lillian’s, she reflects: “When was the last time she had been someplace where nobody knew who she was?” Is the anonymity of the kitchen a lure for Lillian’s students?
2) How did you respond to the story of Lillian’s upbringing? Would Lillian have been better off with a more traditional home life, like those of her school friends? Do you agree with Abuelita’s statement that “sometimes our greatest gifts grow from what we’re not given”?
3) Besides scenes from her childhood, the author discloses very little about Lillian. Why do you think she did this? How would the book be different if we knew more about Lillian’s day-to-day life?
4) As a general rule, Lillian doesn’t give her students recipes. Why do you think she does this? What are the pros and cons of this approach to cooking?
5) Did Helen do the right thing by telling Carl about her affair? How would their marriage — and Helen and Carl themselves — have evolved had he never learned the truth?
6) Each of the character’s stories centers on a dish or ingredient which has a profound affect upon how they see themselves or the world. What connections do you see between Claire and the crabs? Between Chloe and tortillas? Tom and the pasta sauce?
7) Although we only see Charlie, Tom’s wife, in flashback, she seems to share Lillian’s love of essential ingredients. What do you make of Charlie’s statement that “We are all just ingredients. What matters is the grace with which you cook the meal”?
8) Chloe observes that Thanksgiving at her house is “about everyone being the same and if you’re not, eating enough so you won’t notice.” Is this something that our culture buys into in a larger sense? How does Lillian’s approach to food fly in the face of this idea?
9) Isaac says to Isabelle that he thinks “we are each a ladder and a chair for the other.” What do you think he means? Are there people in your life who are or have been that for you?
10) Lillian tells the class that “A holiday is a lot like a kitchen. What’s important is what comes out of it.” In what way do the kitchens in this book — Lillian’s childhood kitchen, the greasy spoon where Tom meets Charlie, the kitchen that Antonia saves from demolition — represent different celebrations of life? Is there a kitchen in your life that you associate with a particular celebration or emotional milestone?
11) At the end of the novel, Lillian reflects that: “She saw how connected [the students’] lives had become and would remain. Where did a teacher fit in the picture, she wondered, when there was no longer a class?” What do you think happens to Lillian once her class is disbanded? What do you imagine happens in to the other characters’ lives after the book ends?
12) What would be your essential ingredients?
1) When Claire first walks into Lillian’s, she reflects: “When was the last time she had been someplace where nobody knew who she was?” Is the anonymity of the kitchen a lure for Lillian’s students?
2) How did you respond to the story of Lillian’s upbringing? Would Lillian have been better off with a more traditional home life, like those of her school friends? Do you agree with Abuelita’s statement that “sometimes our greatest gifts grow from what we’re not given”?
3) Besides scenes from her childhood, the author discloses very little about Lillian. Why do you think she did this? How would the book be different if we knew more about Lillian’s day-to-day life?
4) As a general rule, Lillian doesn’t give her students recipes. Why do you think she does this? What are the pros and cons of this approach to cooking?
5) Did Helen do the right thing by telling Carl about her affair? How would their marriage — and Helen and Carl themselves — have evolved had he never learned the truth?
6) Each of the character’s stories centers on a dish or ingredient which has a profound affect upon how they see themselves or the world. What connections do you see between Claire and the crabs? Between Chloe and tortillas? Tom and the pasta sauce?
7) Although we only see Charlie, Tom’s wife, in flashback, she seems to share Lillian’s love of essential ingredients. What do you make of Charlie’s statement that “We are all just ingredients. What matters is the grace with which you cook the meal”?
8) Chloe observes that Thanksgiving at her house is “about everyone being the same and if you’re not, eating enough so you won’t notice.” Is this something that our culture buys into in a larger sense? How does Lillian’s approach to food fly in the face of this idea?
9) Isaac says to Isabelle that he thinks “we are each a ladder and a chair for the other.” What do you think he means? Are there people in your life who are or have been that for you?
10) Lillian tells the class that “A holiday is a lot like a kitchen. What’s important is what comes out of it.” In what way do the kitchens in this book — Lillian’s childhood kitchen, the greasy spoon where Tom meets Charlie, the kitchen that Antonia saves from demolition — represent different celebrations of life? Is there a kitchen in your life that you associate with a particular celebration or emotional milestone?
11) At the end of the novel, Lillian reflects that: “She saw how connected [the students’] lives had become and would remain. Where did a teacher fit in the picture, she wondered, when there was no longer a class?” What do you think happens to Lillian once her class is disbanded? What do you imagine happens in to the other characters’ lives after the book ends?
12) What would be your essential ingredients?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Kelly's Pick - March/April
Kelly picks"The School of Essential Ingredients" by Erica Bauermeister. Shall we meet sometime after the middle of April? I'm traveling until around the 20th...I can read the book by then...but probably won't be able to comment much before then with only sporadic internet connections.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Keri's thoughts on My Sister's Keeper
Reread the prologue to My Sister's Keeper. Who is the speaker? Is it the same person you thought it was the first time you read it?
I was very surprised by the ending of the novel which shows us that the prologue speaker was actually Kate and not Anna. It would be interesting to reread the novel now that I know the result to see how much reads differently.
What is the metaphorical relevance of Brian's profession as a fire chief?
It gives him a sense of control that he lacks in his personal life. But it is also such an uncontrollable field that it seems odd that it might give him the peace that it seems to. I suppose that at least there he knows exactly what to do in a given situation whereas at home it is never quite so clear.
Why is Jesse's behavior so aberrant, while until now, Anna has been so compliant?
They both had their own ways of dealing with the cards life had dealt them. Anna chose to be compliant – to be the “good little daughter”. This gave her the attention she needed, but in a more positive way. Jesse, on the other hand, needed just as much attention and perhaps more…but he chose to behave badly. Unfortunately children learn that negative attention is still attention and in his case it was almost too late for him to change. I think that his choice to set fires was a way to reach out to his father, and though it was not a good decision, it ultimately did bring them back together with some forgiveness on both sides.
On page 98, Kate is being admitted to the hospital in very serious condition. She mouths to Jesse, "tell Anna," but is unable to finish. What do you think she was trying to say?
I’m really not certain what Kate wanted Jesse to tell Anna. Perhaps she wanted her sister to keep going on with the case, or perhaps she was wanting her to stop and just give the kidney. I think she was conflicted and probably was for her entire life. Life was never easy for Kate and I’m sure it must have felt easier to just give up and let the disease kill her.
On page 122, Julia says, "Even if the law says that no one is responsible for anyone else, helping someone who needs it is the right thing to do." Who understood better how to "help" Kate, Sara or Anna?
I think that both of them were trying their best in a challenging situation that has no guidelines. But my personal feeling is that Anna made the right choice. She was listening to her sister and trying to honor her wishes regardless of how she personally felt about it.
Did Anna do the right thing, honoring Kate's wishes?
I think that she did make the right choice. Though it was unfair of Kate to ask to do so behind her parent’s back, and to ask that her sister who loved her and was only 13 to make such a terrible choice. But Kate had every right to make the choice that she did, and Anna was right to respect her wishes.
Do you feel it was unfair of Kate to ask Anna to refuse to donate a kidney, even though this seemed to be the only way for her to avoid the lifesaving transplant?
I think it was unfair of her to ask, but I understand why she did so. She should have just told her parents what she wanted, but I can understand why she didn’t think that would work. I really don’t think that Sara would have listened to what Kate had to say in this situation.
On page 142, Brian says that when rescuing someone from a fire, that "the safety of the rescuer is of a higher priority than the safety of the victim. Always." How does this apply to his role in his own family?
I think that this refers to why he took Anna to stay at the firehouse with him. She needed an escape from the house and her mother during the trial. Even though he wasn’t sure how he felt about the trial and the issues that came with it, he knew that he needed to protect his daughter and Sara was too focused on Kate to see why Anna needed help.
On page 144, Brian says, "Like anything that's been confined, fire has a natural instinct to escape." How does this truth apply to Kate? to Brian himself?
I think that Kate just wanted to escape the life she was forced to lead. She was tired of being sick, tired of having surgeries and procedures, tired of not being “normal” and she just wanted it to go away. And at the point she was at physically, not having the transplant was the easiest way out. But I think she was afraid to tell her parents because she knew how much they had done for her over the years. For Brian, I think this quote has to do with his desire to take Anna to the firehouse. To escape from the tension in his own home. He & Sara did not always agree on how to care for Kate, or their other children, but in most cases he always deferred to Sara. But this time he had to stand up to her, and that involved escaping from her presence for a time.
On page 149, Brian is talking to Julia about astronomy and says, "Dark matter has a gravitational effect on other objects. You can't see it, you can't feel it, but you can watch something being pulled in its direction." How is this symbolic of Kate's illness?
Kate’s illness affected the entire family – from the moment she was diagnosed it changed how they interacted, how they cared for each other, how they made decisions. She became the focus and center of everything…and that wasn’t the right choice. It took their focus off of Jesse who almost became unredeemable. It took their focus off treating Anna as their child instead of as a cure for Kate. It took their focus off their marriage and how they felt about each other. And it took their focus off of Kate and how she might feel or what she might want out of life.
How does Anna's decision to pursue medical emancipation parallel Campbell's decision to end his relationship with Julia after his accident?
I think that they both felt they were making the right choice…perhaps the only choice. But reflecting on it now I think that it definitely wasn’t their only choice. Anna could have gone to her parents and told them Kate did not want the surgery. It would not have been easy, but perhaps it would have forced them all to come together to talk, and to actually listen to each other. There would have been tension and there would have been arguments, but maybe they might have been able to come to a decision that they all could tolerate, if not agree completely on. In Campbell’s case, he should have told Julia what had happened to him. They could have worked through it all together and it wasn’t fair of him to hurt her so badly to supposedly make things easier. It obviously did not make things easier for either of them.
Do you agree with Brian's decision not to turn Jesse in to the authorities for setting the fires?
I do. Though it may not be the correct moral, legal or ethical choice I think that it makes sense why Brian didn’t turn him in. I think that he realized that Jesse was acting out in this way to gain attention. And it made Brian realize how far his son was willing to go and what that meant about how he and Sara had been parenting Jesse. I think he saw that Jesse had suffered enough and with his forgiveness would not set any more fires in the future.
Do you feel that it's ethical to conceive a child that meets specific genetic requirements?
I really do not believe so. I can try to understand why Sara and Brian decided to do so…but it becomes this slippery slope of how much is too much. How far do you take this? Obviously though they initially conceived Anna simply to get cord blood, it became normal to take whatever she had that would help Kate. It was never enough and would never be enough. Even though we now know that Anna wanted to help her sister in any way that she could, was it really fair to keep demanding it?
I think that through out the book, I felt the most for Jesse. Though he chose to react poorly, I think that life was very difficult for him. His life was never the same after his sister Kate was diagnosed with leukemia. His parents began to ignore him and believe that the things that mattered to him did not matter in the life or death scheme of Kate’s life. Sara had very little sympathy for him and though she occasionally questioned herself about how she treated him, ultimately she did give up on him. He became much less important to her than Kate, and even Anna. Because Anna was able to provide the things that Kate needed medically, she gave her more attention that she did Jesse. But she even neglected Anna’s needs more than once. Most of the quotes that I underlined throughout the book were of the ways that Sara treated Jesse and Anna. Though I understand her concern for Kate, I think it blinded her to the rest of her life and that makes me sad.
I was very surprised by the ending of the novel which shows us that the prologue speaker was actually Kate and not Anna. It would be interesting to reread the novel now that I know the result to see how much reads differently.
What is the metaphorical relevance of Brian's profession as a fire chief?
It gives him a sense of control that he lacks in his personal life. But it is also such an uncontrollable field that it seems odd that it might give him the peace that it seems to. I suppose that at least there he knows exactly what to do in a given situation whereas at home it is never quite so clear.
Why is Jesse's behavior so aberrant, while until now, Anna has been so compliant?
They both had their own ways of dealing with the cards life had dealt them. Anna chose to be compliant – to be the “good little daughter”. This gave her the attention she needed, but in a more positive way. Jesse, on the other hand, needed just as much attention and perhaps more…but he chose to behave badly. Unfortunately children learn that negative attention is still attention and in his case it was almost too late for him to change. I think that his choice to set fires was a way to reach out to his father, and though it was not a good decision, it ultimately did bring them back together with some forgiveness on both sides.
On page 98, Kate is being admitted to the hospital in very serious condition. She mouths to Jesse, "tell Anna," but is unable to finish. What do you think she was trying to say?
I’m really not certain what Kate wanted Jesse to tell Anna. Perhaps she wanted her sister to keep going on with the case, or perhaps she was wanting her to stop and just give the kidney. I think she was conflicted and probably was for her entire life. Life was never easy for Kate and I’m sure it must have felt easier to just give up and let the disease kill her.
On page 122, Julia says, "Even if the law says that no one is responsible for anyone else, helping someone who needs it is the right thing to do." Who understood better how to "help" Kate, Sara or Anna?
I think that both of them were trying their best in a challenging situation that has no guidelines. But my personal feeling is that Anna made the right choice. She was listening to her sister and trying to honor her wishes regardless of how she personally felt about it.
Did Anna do the right thing, honoring Kate's wishes?
I think that she did make the right choice. Though it was unfair of Kate to ask to do so behind her parent’s back, and to ask that her sister who loved her and was only 13 to make such a terrible choice. But Kate had every right to make the choice that she did, and Anna was right to respect her wishes.
Do you feel it was unfair of Kate to ask Anna to refuse to donate a kidney, even though this seemed to be the only way for her to avoid the lifesaving transplant?
I think it was unfair of her to ask, but I understand why she did so. She should have just told her parents what she wanted, but I can understand why she didn’t think that would work. I really don’t think that Sara would have listened to what Kate had to say in this situation.
On page 142, Brian says that when rescuing someone from a fire, that "the safety of the rescuer is of a higher priority than the safety of the victim. Always." How does this apply to his role in his own family?
I think that this refers to why he took Anna to stay at the firehouse with him. She needed an escape from the house and her mother during the trial. Even though he wasn’t sure how he felt about the trial and the issues that came with it, he knew that he needed to protect his daughter and Sara was too focused on Kate to see why Anna needed help.
On page 144, Brian says, "Like anything that's been confined, fire has a natural instinct to escape." How does this truth apply to Kate? to Brian himself?
I think that Kate just wanted to escape the life she was forced to lead. She was tired of being sick, tired of having surgeries and procedures, tired of not being “normal” and she just wanted it to go away. And at the point she was at physically, not having the transplant was the easiest way out. But I think she was afraid to tell her parents because she knew how much they had done for her over the years. For Brian, I think this quote has to do with his desire to take Anna to the firehouse. To escape from the tension in his own home. He & Sara did not always agree on how to care for Kate, or their other children, but in most cases he always deferred to Sara. But this time he had to stand up to her, and that involved escaping from her presence for a time.
On page 149, Brian is talking to Julia about astronomy and says, "Dark matter has a gravitational effect on other objects. You can't see it, you can't feel it, but you can watch something being pulled in its direction." How is this symbolic of Kate's illness?
Kate’s illness affected the entire family – from the moment she was diagnosed it changed how they interacted, how they cared for each other, how they made decisions. She became the focus and center of everything…and that wasn’t the right choice. It took their focus off of Jesse who almost became unredeemable. It took their focus off treating Anna as their child instead of as a cure for Kate. It took their focus off their marriage and how they felt about each other. And it took their focus off of Kate and how she might feel or what she might want out of life.
How does Anna's decision to pursue medical emancipation parallel Campbell's decision to end his relationship with Julia after his accident?
I think that they both felt they were making the right choice…perhaps the only choice. But reflecting on it now I think that it definitely wasn’t their only choice. Anna could have gone to her parents and told them Kate did not want the surgery. It would not have been easy, but perhaps it would have forced them all to come together to talk, and to actually listen to each other. There would have been tension and there would have been arguments, but maybe they might have been able to come to a decision that they all could tolerate, if not agree completely on. In Campbell’s case, he should have told Julia what had happened to him. They could have worked through it all together and it wasn’t fair of him to hurt her so badly to supposedly make things easier. It obviously did not make things easier for either of them.
Do you agree with Brian's decision not to turn Jesse in to the authorities for setting the fires?
I do. Though it may not be the correct moral, legal or ethical choice I think that it makes sense why Brian didn’t turn him in. I think that he realized that Jesse was acting out in this way to gain attention. And it made Brian realize how far his son was willing to go and what that meant about how he and Sara had been parenting Jesse. I think he saw that Jesse had suffered enough and with his forgiveness would not set any more fires in the future.
Do you feel that it's ethical to conceive a child that meets specific genetic requirements?
I really do not believe so. I can try to understand why Sara and Brian decided to do so…but it becomes this slippery slope of how much is too much. How far do you take this? Obviously though they initially conceived Anna simply to get cord blood, it became normal to take whatever she had that would help Kate. It was never enough and would never be enough. Even though we now know that Anna wanted to help her sister in any way that she could, was it really fair to keep demanding it?
I think that through out the book, I felt the most for Jesse. Though he chose to react poorly, I think that life was very difficult for him. His life was never the same after his sister Kate was diagnosed with leukemia. His parents began to ignore him and believe that the things that mattered to him did not matter in the life or death scheme of Kate’s life. Sara had very little sympathy for him and though she occasionally questioned herself about how she treated him, ultimately she did give up on him. He became much less important to her than Kate, and even Anna. Because Anna was able to provide the things that Kate needed medically, she gave her more attention that she did Jesse. But she even neglected Anna’s needs more than once. Most of the quotes that I underlined throughout the book were of the ways that Sara treated Jesse and Anna. Though I understand her concern for Kate, I think it blinded her to the rest of her life and that makes me sad.
- (Kate speaking) “He gets into a lot of bad stuff he shouldn’t…It’s the way he gets noticed, you know? I mean, imagine what it would be like if you were a squirrel living in the elephant cage at the zoo. Does anyone ever go there and say, Hey, check out that squirrel? No, because there’s something so much bigger you notice first.”
- (Sara speaking) “Your sister…is incredibly sick. I’m sorry if that interferes with your dentist’s appointment or your plan to go buy a pair of cleats. But those don’t rate quite as high in the grand scheme of things right now. I’d think that since you’re ten, you might be able to grow up enough to realize that the whole world doesn’t always revolve around you.” (Jesse speaking) “Why don’t you grow up? Why don’t you figure out that the world doesn’t revolve around her?” (Sara thinks) “For the first time in my life I begin to understand how a parent might hit a child – it’s because you can look into their eyes and see a reflection of yourself that you wish you hadn’t.”
- (Anna speaks) “Why did I have to leave the party?” (Sara thinks) “Because your sister is more important than cake and ice cream; because I cannot do this for her; because I said so” (Sara speaks) “’Stop acting like a five-year-old,’ I accuse, and then I remember that’s exactly what she is.”
- (Sara thinks) “I wonder when, exactly, I gave up on him. I wonder why, when Jesse’s history is not by any stretch as disappointing as his sister’s…I glance down and notice a bruise the size of a half-dollar, right in the crook of his arm. There’s a matching one on the other side. It is telling, I suppose, that my mind immediately races to heroin, instead of leukemia, as it would with his sisters.” (Jesse speaks) “Yeah, Ma. I shoot up every three days. Except I’m not doing smack, I’m getting blood taken out of me on the third floor here…Didn’t you realize who else was keeping Kate in platelets?”
- “Parents control everything, unless you’re like Jesse and you do enough to upset them that they’d rather ignore you than pretend you actually exist.”
- “If Kate was feeling guilty about being a burden, I was feeling twice as guilty for knowing she felt that way. For knowing I felt that way…that in addition to the piece of me that’s always wanted Kate to live, there’s another, horrible piece of me that sometimes wishes I were free…all these terrible feelings, some of which are too awful to speak out loud. That I want Kate alive, but also want to be myself, not part of her. That I want the chance to grow up, even if Kate can’t. That Kate’s death would be the worst thing that’s ever happened to me…and also the best. That sometimes, when I think about all this, I hate myself and just want to crawl back to where I was, to the person they want me to be…What if Kate wanted to die, so that I could live? What if after all these years of saving Kate, she was only trying to do the same for me?”
- “There’s two reasons not to tell the truth – because lying will get you what you want, and because lying will keep someone from getting hurt.”
- “If you have a sister and she dies, do you stop saying you have one? Or are you always a sister, even when the other half of the equation is gone?”
- “In the English language there are orphans and widows, but there is no word for the parent who loses a child.”
- “…the people you love can surprise you every day. That maybe who we are isn’t so much about what we do, but rather what we’re capable of when we least expect it"
- “You don’t love someone because they’re perfect…You love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.”
Thursday, February 26, 2009
My Sister's Keeper - by Kelly
Reread the prologue to My Sister's Keeper. Who is the speaker? Is it the same person you thought it was the first time you read it? The speaker is Kate – I thought it was Anna when I first read it. Looking back at it now is kind of disturbing!
Why is Jesse's behavior so aberrant, while until now, Anna has been so compliant? Jesse thought he wasn’t needed, so he did anything he could to be noticed. Anna was SO needed, she just went with the flow – she loved her sister, too. I agree with Aunt Annette that I felt more pity for Jesse than for Anna!
What might be a possible reason for Brian's fascination with astronomy? Something stable, something normal, constant – something he could track, observe, measure; his life was so hectic
On page 98, Kate is being admitted to the hospital in very serious condition. She mouths to Jesse, "tell Anna," but is unable to finish. What do you think she was trying to say? Maybe that she loves her; not to do anything to change the situation
Did Anna do the right thing, honoring Kate's wishes? I think so… though if I was in her situation, I wouldn’t have done it. I would have said, “Too bad, sis, I want to keep you around and will do whatever it takes to do that!”
Do you feel it was unfair of Kate to ask Anna to refuse to donate a kidney, even though this seemed to be the only way for her to avoid the lifesaving transplant? Yes – Kate should have just said she didn’t want it. It’s a lot to put on a 13 year olds plate! Not only dealing with the legal stuff, but having to deal with her sister’s death and feeling/knowing she was the cause of it!
Do you feel that it's ethical to conceive a child that meets specific genetic requirements? I’m definitely against genetic design for things like gender, hair/eye color, etc., though I wonder how I’d feel in Sara’s situation. If you know that you want another child, that you’re only planning on using cord blood to help your firstborn, and that by having the child meet those genetic specifications you may be able to save your other child… I could easily see myself doing the same thing. Even as the years passed and procedure after procedure came up, I can still see myself making similar medical decisions, though I’d hope I would be more sensitive to my non-sick kids than Sara & Brian were to theirs!
Do you sympathize with Sara? The parts of the book that are from the time when Kate was a baby/little girl and are written from Sara's perspective, I completely sympathize with her. I pray I never have to be in that situation and I understand why she did what she did. However, the parts that are written from her perspective when the kids are older (present time), I, like Aunt Annette, wanted to smack her quite a few times for acting like her other kids didn't matter.
Here are my favorite quotes:
“In my previous life, I was a civil attorney. At one point I truly believed that was what I wanted to be – but that was before I’d been handed a fistful of crushed violets from a toddler. Before I understood that the smile of a child is a tattoo: indelible art. It drives my sister Suzanne crazy. She’s a finance whiz who decimated the glass ceiling at the Bank of Boston, and according to her, I’m a waste of cerebral evolution. But I think half the battle is figuring out what works for you, and I am much better at being a mother than I ever would have been as a lawyer. I sometimes wonder if it is just me, or if there are other women who figure out where they are supposed to be by going nowhere.”\
Sara’s thoughts in response to the diagnosis about Kate’s leukemia – “This is happening to us because I yelled at Jesse last week, yesterday, moments ago. This is happening because I didn’t buy Kate the M&M’s she wanted at the grocery store. This is happening because once, for a split second, I wondered what my life would have been like if I’d never had children. This is happening because I did not realize how good I have it.”
“There are pictures of me, too, but not many. I go from infant to about ten years old in one fell swoop. Maybe it’s because I was the third child, and they were sick and tired of keeping a catalog of life. Maybe it’s because they forgot. It’s nobody’s fault, and it’s not a big deal, but it’s a little depressing all the same. A photo says, You were happy, and I wanted to catch that. A photo says, You were so important to me that I put down everything else to come watch.”
“The human capacity for burden is like bamboo – far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.”
“Did I tell Kate I loved her before I put her to bed last night? I cannot remember. I cannot remember at all.”
“When you care more if someone else lives than you do about yourself… is that what love’s like?”
“I wonder if all mothers feel like this the moment they realize their daughters are growing up – as if it is impossible to believe that the laundry I once folded for her was doll-sized; as if I can still see her dancing in lazy pirouettes along the lip of the sandbox. Wasn’t it yesterday that her hand was only as big as the sand dollar she found on the beach? That same hand, the one that’s holding a boy’s; wasn’t it just holding mine, tugging so that I might stop and see the spiderweb, the milkweed pod, any of a thousand moments she wanted me to freeze? Time is an optical illusion – never quite as solid or strong as we think it is. You would assume that, given everything, I would have seen this coming. But watching Kate watch this boy, I see I have a thousand things to learn.”
“I realize then that we never have children, we receive them. And sometimes it’s not for quite as long as we would have expected or hoped. But it is still far better than never having had those children at all.”
“See, as much as you want to hold on to the bitter sore memory that someone has left this world, you are still in it. And the very act of living is a tide: at first it seems to make no difference at all, and then one day you look down and see how much pain has eroded.”
After looking at who I quoted the most, I see that maybe I sympathize with Sara more than I thought! Almost all my quotes are from her. :o)
Why is Jesse's behavior so aberrant, while until now, Anna has been so compliant? Jesse thought he wasn’t needed, so he did anything he could to be noticed. Anna was SO needed, she just went with the flow – she loved her sister, too. I agree with Aunt Annette that I felt more pity for Jesse than for Anna!
What might be a possible reason for Brian's fascination with astronomy? Something stable, something normal, constant – something he could track, observe, measure; his life was so hectic
On page 98, Kate is being admitted to the hospital in very serious condition. She mouths to Jesse, "tell Anna," but is unable to finish. What do you think she was trying to say? Maybe that she loves her; not to do anything to change the situation
Did Anna do the right thing, honoring Kate's wishes? I think so… though if I was in her situation, I wouldn’t have done it. I would have said, “Too bad, sis, I want to keep you around and will do whatever it takes to do that!”
Do you feel it was unfair of Kate to ask Anna to refuse to donate a kidney, even though this seemed to be the only way for her to avoid the lifesaving transplant? Yes – Kate should have just said she didn’t want it. It’s a lot to put on a 13 year olds plate! Not only dealing with the legal stuff, but having to deal with her sister’s death and feeling/knowing she was the cause of it!
Do you feel that it's ethical to conceive a child that meets specific genetic requirements? I’m definitely against genetic design for things like gender, hair/eye color, etc., though I wonder how I’d feel in Sara’s situation. If you know that you want another child, that you’re only planning on using cord blood to help your firstborn, and that by having the child meet those genetic specifications you may be able to save your other child… I could easily see myself doing the same thing. Even as the years passed and procedure after procedure came up, I can still see myself making similar medical decisions, though I’d hope I would be more sensitive to my non-sick kids than Sara & Brian were to theirs!
Do you sympathize with Sara? The parts of the book that are from the time when Kate was a baby/little girl and are written from Sara's perspective, I completely sympathize with her. I pray I never have to be in that situation and I understand why she did what she did. However, the parts that are written from her perspective when the kids are older (present time), I, like Aunt Annette, wanted to smack her quite a few times for acting like her other kids didn't matter.
Here are my favorite quotes:
“In my previous life, I was a civil attorney. At one point I truly believed that was what I wanted to be – but that was before I’d been handed a fistful of crushed violets from a toddler. Before I understood that the smile of a child is a tattoo: indelible art. It drives my sister Suzanne crazy. She’s a finance whiz who decimated the glass ceiling at the Bank of Boston, and according to her, I’m a waste of cerebral evolution. But I think half the battle is figuring out what works for you, and I am much better at being a mother than I ever would have been as a lawyer. I sometimes wonder if it is just me, or if there are other women who figure out where they are supposed to be by going nowhere.”\
Sara’s thoughts in response to the diagnosis about Kate’s leukemia – “This is happening to us because I yelled at Jesse last week, yesterday, moments ago. This is happening because I didn’t buy Kate the M&M’s she wanted at the grocery store. This is happening because once, for a split second, I wondered what my life would have been like if I’d never had children. This is happening because I did not realize how good I have it.”
“There are pictures of me, too, but not many. I go from infant to about ten years old in one fell swoop. Maybe it’s because I was the third child, and they were sick and tired of keeping a catalog of life. Maybe it’s because they forgot. It’s nobody’s fault, and it’s not a big deal, but it’s a little depressing all the same. A photo says, You were happy, and I wanted to catch that. A photo says, You were so important to me that I put down everything else to come watch.”
“The human capacity for burden is like bamboo – far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.”
“Did I tell Kate I loved her before I put her to bed last night? I cannot remember. I cannot remember at all.”
“When you care more if someone else lives than you do about yourself… is that what love’s like?”
“I wonder if all mothers feel like this the moment they realize their daughters are growing up – as if it is impossible to believe that the laundry I once folded for her was doll-sized; as if I can still see her dancing in lazy pirouettes along the lip of the sandbox. Wasn’t it yesterday that her hand was only as big as the sand dollar she found on the beach? That same hand, the one that’s holding a boy’s; wasn’t it just holding mine, tugging so that I might stop and see the spiderweb, the milkweed pod, any of a thousand moments she wanted me to freeze? Time is an optical illusion – never quite as solid or strong as we think it is. You would assume that, given everything, I would have seen this coming. But watching Kate watch this boy, I see I have a thousand things to learn.”
“I realize then that we never have children, we receive them. And sometimes it’s not for quite as long as we would have expected or hoped. But it is still far better than never having had those children at all.”
“See, as much as you want to hold on to the bitter sore memory that someone has left this world, you are still in it. And the very act of living is a tide: at first it seems to make no difference at all, and then one day you look down and see how much pain has eroded.”
After looking at who I quoted the most, I see that maybe I sympathize with Sara more than I thought! Almost all my quotes are from her. :o)
Monday, February 23, 2009
Annette on "my sister's keeper"
I answered most of the question you posted. At the end…I added a few more of my own that I got off the internet. In general I liked this book although at times I found it hard to read because the book really raised more questions than it answered or that could be easily answered. Because the viewpoint of the story kept switching between the characters, I would be just getting comfortable with one view point and one set of opinions when I was faced with a different set of “facts” and emotions. This was ultimately very effective and true to life. Because the issues that faced the family were not simple or easily answered. It was a messy situation.
Reread the Prologue. Who is the speaker? Is it the same person you thought it was the first time you read it?
No, I thought it was Anna. In fact if I hadn’t read this question I still would have thought it was Anna. It is interesting how she also felt she didn’t “exist” except in relation to Anna.
Why is Jesse’s behavior so aberrant, while until now, Anna has been so compliant?
Anna actually remains compliant to the end really given that she is doing what she is doing at Kate’s request. She is doing what she always has done, sacrifice for Kate. Jesse? He is trying to be visible. He is trying to matter. He is trying to get someone, anyones attention.
What might be a possible reason for Brian’s fascination with astronomy?
Escape maybe? Trying to make sense of the unknown and the unknowable. Maybe he is trying to find a moment of peace in the midst of a crazy world.
Page 98. When Kate mouths to Jesse “tell Anna”…what do you think she was trying to say?
…I think perhaps “tell Anna to say no”…or to tell her this is Anna’s chance to help her die…by refusing to do it. Or to say..."this is it". The book doesn't say it...but its obvious that Jesse also knew how Kate felt and what Anna's real motifcations were...at least I think he did.
Page 122. Who understood better how to “help” Kate…Sara or Anna.
I think that they both did in their own way from their own perspective and experience. Anna certainly was closer perhaps to Kate’s fears and desires…but Sara could see a different picture and a different future.
Did Anna do the right thing honoring Kate’s wishes?
I don’t know if it was the “right” thing…but I would have done the same thing. With hindsight we know that the kidney transplant was a good thing and gave Kate a life (which she never imagined)…so with hindsight it was the “wrong” thing. But none of us can make decisions with the benefit of hindsight. I know Anna did it with enormous love because it was so hard for her to do and was opposite from what she would have done on her own. She really felt as though it was an act of love for Kate. But also there was a "selfish" component which she would be free at last from being the eternal "drug" for Kate. But I don't believe that was really it...I think she did it only because Anna asked her.
Do you think it was unfair of Kate to ask Anna to refuse to donate a kidney? Hmmm…unfair. What was “fair” about Kate’s life or Anna’s for that matter. I think it was something that a person could only ask of someone who they truly love and who truly loves them. It was a huge burden to ask of Anna because had she actually not been a donor, Kate would have died. And Anna would have lost her sister and would have to live with her decision and life without Kate….which I think would have been hard on her and would have been difficult in her relationship with her parents. So it was asking an awful lot from a 13 year old (it would be a lot to ask of an adult!). But if Kate couldn’t ask her sister, who could she ask?
On page 142, Brian says that when rescuing someone from a fire, that “the safety of the rescuer is of a higher priority than the safety of the victim, Always.” How does this apply to his role in his own family? I think those views are why he (at least for a time) supports Anna’s decision. I believe its why he could see past just what Kate needed. How he felt empathy (perhaps more empathy) for Anna’s life.
On page 149 Brian is talking to Julia about astronomy and says, “Dark matter has a gravitational effect on other objects. You can’t see it, you can’t feel it, but you can watch something being pulled in its direction.” How is this symbolic of Kate’s illness. I’m not sure…perhaps that the cancer is always there…always sneaking up and changing Kate’s life and her course in life. And that when she is ill, everything revolves around her and in some ways sucks the life out of the family.
Do you agree with Brian’s decision to not turn Jesse in? Again…I don’t know if it’s “right” in a legal sense (in fact I'm sure it isn't "right" in the legal sense), but I can understand it and would have done it also. For several reasons, first I believe it really was a cry for help not a sign of psychopathic behavior. Second, I believe that the family and their situation really helped create the situation. I really thought it was a bad idea to give such a young man/boy so much independence and isolation by living in the garage and turning a blind eye to his drugs and drinking. I realize that they had so much going on with Kate that it was difficult…but I’m not sure I would have done the same thing. They really were in some ways sacrificing more than Anna’s comfort and health…they really in many ways abandoned Jesse…not intentionally of course. But nonetheless they really created the environment of isolation that Jesse was wallowing in. And finally…I’m not sure the family could have survived if Jesse had been arrested and jailed. I’m pretty sure that Sara would have completely fallen apart…I often felt she was barely holding on as it was.
Do you believe it’s ethical to conceive a child that meets specific genetic requirements? I don’t really like it and I think that there can be many unaddressed negative issues that are raised. For instance, in this case…if the family had had counseling, advice, and support on how to best support Anna (and jesse) perhaps it would have been better for her, for Kate, for the parents. But I don’t think much of the idea of “creating children” to fit certain bills (like picking the sex)…What if people start picking for skin color, eye color? First..I worry about parents who think those things are that important. Then I ask myself would I have created a child to save my other child…I must admit…I don’t know the answer. I can understand the desparate desire to save my first born. On the otherhand...Sara and Brain started out by only wanting the cord blood...they didn't know where the road was going to take them and how much they were going to end up asking of Anna.
What is your opinion of Sara? Did you find yourself criticizing her? Emphatizing with her? Or both? Does she neglect her other children? What would you have done in her shoes? Does she unwittingly forget Anna and Jesse or do you think she chooses to neglect them…either because she is saving a little energy or to perhaps even punish them for being healthy? Normal?
I must admit I was more often critical of her than I felt sorry for her or emphasized with her. I mean I did emphasize with her…but…I found myself sometimes wanting to shake her and ask her to see her other children. I wanted her to be more like Brian. In some ways I sometimes felt that it was beyond just wanting to save Kate. It was a control thing, the need to fix things…and when things didn’t go right…she had to admit failure. I’m a control freak, so I can understand this…but still…I still can’t believe how they let Jesse go…it was kind of like…oh well…let’s just hope he doesn’t get in TOO much trouble. I felt worse for Jesse than I did for Anna. He was so isolated.
Reread the Prologue. Who is the speaker? Is it the same person you thought it was the first time you read it?
No, I thought it was Anna. In fact if I hadn’t read this question I still would have thought it was Anna. It is interesting how she also felt she didn’t “exist” except in relation to Anna.
Why is Jesse’s behavior so aberrant, while until now, Anna has been so compliant?
Anna actually remains compliant to the end really given that she is doing what she is doing at Kate’s request. She is doing what she always has done, sacrifice for Kate. Jesse? He is trying to be visible. He is trying to matter. He is trying to get someone, anyones attention.
What might be a possible reason for Brian’s fascination with astronomy?
Escape maybe? Trying to make sense of the unknown and the unknowable. Maybe he is trying to find a moment of peace in the midst of a crazy world.
Page 98. When Kate mouths to Jesse “tell Anna”…what do you think she was trying to say?
…I think perhaps “tell Anna to say no”…or to tell her this is Anna’s chance to help her die…by refusing to do it. Or to say..."this is it". The book doesn't say it...but its obvious that Jesse also knew how Kate felt and what Anna's real motifcations were...at least I think he did.
Page 122. Who understood better how to “help” Kate…Sara or Anna.
I think that they both did in their own way from their own perspective and experience. Anna certainly was closer perhaps to Kate’s fears and desires…but Sara could see a different picture and a different future.
Did Anna do the right thing honoring Kate’s wishes?
I don’t know if it was the “right” thing…but I would have done the same thing. With hindsight we know that the kidney transplant was a good thing and gave Kate a life (which she never imagined)…so with hindsight it was the “wrong” thing. But none of us can make decisions with the benefit of hindsight. I know Anna did it with enormous love because it was so hard for her to do and was opposite from what she would have done on her own. She really felt as though it was an act of love for Kate. But also there was a "selfish" component which she would be free at last from being the eternal "drug" for Kate. But I don't believe that was really it...I think she did it only because Anna asked her.
Do you think it was unfair of Kate to ask Anna to refuse to donate a kidney? Hmmm…unfair. What was “fair” about Kate’s life or Anna’s for that matter. I think it was something that a person could only ask of someone who they truly love and who truly loves them. It was a huge burden to ask of Anna because had she actually not been a donor, Kate would have died. And Anna would have lost her sister and would have to live with her decision and life without Kate….which I think would have been hard on her and would have been difficult in her relationship with her parents. So it was asking an awful lot from a 13 year old (it would be a lot to ask of an adult!). But if Kate couldn’t ask her sister, who could she ask?
On page 142, Brian says that when rescuing someone from a fire, that “the safety of the rescuer is of a higher priority than the safety of the victim, Always.” How does this apply to his role in his own family? I think those views are why he (at least for a time) supports Anna’s decision. I believe its why he could see past just what Kate needed. How he felt empathy (perhaps more empathy) for Anna’s life.
On page 149 Brian is talking to Julia about astronomy and says, “Dark matter has a gravitational effect on other objects. You can’t see it, you can’t feel it, but you can watch something being pulled in its direction.” How is this symbolic of Kate’s illness. I’m not sure…perhaps that the cancer is always there…always sneaking up and changing Kate’s life and her course in life. And that when she is ill, everything revolves around her and in some ways sucks the life out of the family.
Do you agree with Brian’s decision to not turn Jesse in? Again…I don’t know if it’s “right” in a legal sense (in fact I'm sure it isn't "right" in the legal sense), but I can understand it and would have done it also. For several reasons, first I believe it really was a cry for help not a sign of psychopathic behavior. Second, I believe that the family and their situation really helped create the situation. I really thought it was a bad idea to give such a young man/boy so much independence and isolation by living in the garage and turning a blind eye to his drugs and drinking. I realize that they had so much going on with Kate that it was difficult…but I’m not sure I would have done the same thing. They really were in some ways sacrificing more than Anna’s comfort and health…they really in many ways abandoned Jesse…not intentionally of course. But nonetheless they really created the environment of isolation that Jesse was wallowing in. And finally…I’m not sure the family could have survived if Jesse had been arrested and jailed. I’m pretty sure that Sara would have completely fallen apart…I often felt she was barely holding on as it was.
Do you believe it’s ethical to conceive a child that meets specific genetic requirements? I don’t really like it and I think that there can be many unaddressed negative issues that are raised. For instance, in this case…if the family had had counseling, advice, and support on how to best support Anna (and jesse) perhaps it would have been better for her, for Kate, for the parents. But I don’t think much of the idea of “creating children” to fit certain bills (like picking the sex)…What if people start picking for skin color, eye color? First..I worry about parents who think those things are that important. Then I ask myself would I have created a child to save my other child…I must admit…I don’t know the answer. I can understand the desparate desire to save my first born. On the otherhand...Sara and Brain started out by only wanting the cord blood...they didn't know where the road was going to take them and how much they were going to end up asking of Anna.
What is your opinion of Sara? Did you find yourself criticizing her? Emphatizing with her? Or both? Does she neglect her other children? What would you have done in her shoes? Does she unwittingly forget Anna and Jesse or do you think she chooses to neglect them…either because she is saving a little energy or to perhaps even punish them for being healthy? Normal?
I must admit I was more often critical of her than I felt sorry for her or emphasized with her. I mean I did emphasize with her…but…I found myself sometimes wanting to shake her and ask her to see her other children. I wanted her to be more like Brian. In some ways I sometimes felt that it was beyond just wanting to save Kate. It was a control thing, the need to fix things…and when things didn’t go right…she had to admit failure. I’m a control freak, so I can understand this…but still…I still can’t believe how they let Jesse go…it was kind of like…oh well…let’s just hope he doesn’t get in TOO much trouble. I felt worse for Jesse than I did for Anna. He was so isolated.
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