Rainbow's End - Keri's thoughts

It took me quite awhile to get through this book. Not that it wasn't interesting in parts, but life just got in the way quite a bit in the past month or so. I appreciated the different perspective that this book gave me and the information about living in Africa during that time.

I enjoyed the descriptions of the land, the people, and the detail in her stories. There were some really raw and intense descriptions as well, but through it all you could feel her love for Africa.

Here are some quotes that resonated with me:

• "Camilla had found it difficult to come to terms with the realization that an entire family, bonded tightly by love and memories, could be devastated at the speed of a bullet."
• "I used a Magic Marker to write the name of my country decoratively on my school books, beside the pictures of horses and hearts containing pop stars' initials. Charm, Donny Osmond, and Rhodesia, my first loves."
• quote from Beryl Markham - "if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesterdays are buried deep, leave it in any way except a slow way, leave it the fastest way you can."
• "...the strutting cheerfulness of the fat red hens was that of chubby, big-bottomed African women who not only rejoice in the build nature has given them but celebrate it with impromptu bouts of tribal dancing."
• regarding the crash of the Viscount Hunyani during the war - "One listens, and the silence is deafening. One listens for loud condemnation by the President of the United States, himself a man from the Bible-Baptist belt, and once again the silence is deafening. One listens for condemnation by the Pope, by the Archbishop of Canterbury, by all who love the name of God. Again, the silence is deafening."
• "But these measures were psychological more than anything. The reassured us that, if nothing else, we were delaying the inevitable, and they told the terrorists that there were a few more barriers in place than there had been on the night when they were able to walk unchallenged up to the house and change its history."
• "Whereas in the city my parents might have closeted me and fretted about my safety, here in the place of greatest danger, they handed me my freedom and trusted me to use it wisely."
• "More often that not a rainbow would arch over the game park or the river: God's promise. Those were the times I felt most fully alive, most part of the rhythms and cycles of Africa and our new home. I felt like we belonged to the land and the land belonged to us."
• "The war of my experience was more like the battleground of the Old West, where lone ranchers defended themselves against shadowy but well-armed assassins who came in deadly bands of three or six or ten."
• "Or there'd be a Monkey's Wedding, a teasing sprinkle of rain from an incongruously sunny sky, followed by an out-of-context rainbow."
• "Dad never took war personally. As far as he was concerned, they tried to shoot you and you tried to shoot them: end of story. But he had an old-fashioned perspective on the morality of it. He would lose his temper, even with senior officers, if he felt that prisoners of war or the dying from either side were not accorded the proper respect."
• quote from Neville Chamberlain - "Failure only begins when you leave off trying."
• "The part about war that nobody mentions is how quickly it assimilates into everyday life. After a while it seemed as if there'd never been a time when we didn't scour the farm roads for land mines or steel ourselves for bullets through the windshield as we drove into town. As if there had never been an evening when my father didn't strip and clean his guns after dinner or count his ammunition. As if there had always been people waiting in the darkness to kill us."
• "All my life I'd been taught to value and hold sacred the name of Rhodesia and the history and blood ties that bonded me to it. I'd been raised on the belief that ours was the very best country on earth...and that because these things were so special, they were worth fighting for and worth dying for...and because we were told these things so often and saw all of this beauty and courage and magnificence with our own eyes, our land became our life, our nationality our identity. Now my identity was gone, and the shock was overwhelming."
• "But it was the euphoria that told me that the war of freedom, which in my childish innocence I had believed we were fighting against Communism, had turned out to be someone else's war of freedom. We were the terrorists. Our heroes were not heroes at all, they were evil racists. Only black people were allowed to be heroes. The sense of disillusionment I felt was total. The country I had loved so much that at times I almost wished I could die for it was not the country I had thought it was. We had repressed people, oppressed people, tortured people, and murdered people for the worst of possible reasons: the color of their skin. Twenty thousand people had died in our war, apparently for nothing."
• "...concluded that my whole life was a lie. I'd been brainwashed politically and blind in almost every other way, and I had to reprocess everything from that position. The trouble with having your eyes forcibly opened is that there's no way of closing them again. I felt I'd been snapped from a happy dream, from a beautiful illusion, as if a crevasse had opened up underfoot. I began to take stock of my life, and I didn't like what I saw."
• "So where did this leave me? Was my love of the land any less valid because of the actions of my forefathers, my government, my father, or even, in my ignorance, myself? In Britain and the United States, people were accepted as British or American from the moment of their birth or the day they were granted citizenship; yet in Zimbabwe black people were Africans, Indians were Indians, adn whites were regularly labeled Europeans. My family had been in Africa for four generations. Why wasn't I African? Why?
• about her father - "...because the thing I'd never doubted was how proud he was of me, even though almost everything he'd ever watched me do had been a disaster; how he had always been there for me in all the ways that mattered; and how, in one way or another, he was always saving us, Lisa and me."

New Pick

Since I haven't bought the other book yet I thought I'd try a different pick instead. Let's do Rainbow's End by Lauren St. John. It's available on Kindle and hopefully it'll be in your library out there, Aunt Annette, since it's a little bit older. My friend Amanda bought me the book a while ago and I haven't had a chance to read it yet. Does this work for everyone?

Oops - It's my turn to pick!

So you've probably been waiting on me to pick the next one. Sorry for the delay! Then again, with Aunt Annette in Bali and Keri busy moving in to her new home, maybe you weren't even thinking about the next book! In either case, here's my pick - hope it's a good one!

If the Rains Don't Cleanse by Ben Patrick Johnson

Kelly's Take

In trying not to be too redundant, I skipped some of the questions. :o)

What did A Thousand Splendid Suns teach you about the history of Afghanistan? Did anything surprise you?

I had a hard time reminding myself that this story was relatively contemporary, not something from years and years ago. It stunned me to think that there are still people living this way today. I knew NOTHING about Afghanistan prior to reading this book, so everything I learned was new.

Mariam’s mother says: "Women like us. We endure. It’s all we have." In what ways is this true? How do Mariam and Laila endure? How is their endurance different from the ways their mothers faced their trials?

The women of this story only had two choices – endure or end their life. With little to no power in their society, they couldn’t make their lives better in any way but to learn to take what they had and make the best of it.
Mariam makes the best of her situation by being the best wife she can be, even though her husband gets progressively crueler when she doesn’t produce an heir. All she had was the security of knowing she had a place to live, food to eat and a man to guard over her. When everything falls apart in Laila’s life, she takes what chances are offered her and does the best she can with them – providing a home for herself and her baby. Both of their mothers chose to cling to bitterness.

Were you surprised when Tariq returned? Had you suspected the depth of Rasheed's deceit?

I had no idea the lengths that Rasheed would go to get what he wanted. I assumed that the story brought to Laila about Tariq was true and that he had died. Rasheed did a good job putting together something believable – he had to, because otherwise Laila would have never stopped trying to reunite with Tariq. She absolutely would never have agreed to marry Rasheed! And I’m surprised that Rasheed figured she was pregnant, too, and wonder why he would be willing to claim another man’s child as his own.

Why does Mariam refuse to call witnesses at her trial? Why didn't she try to escape with Laila and Tariq? Do you think Mariam made the right decision? Even though her life was hard, Mariam wishes for more of it in the end. Why do you think that is?

Mariam wanted to do everything in her power to make sure that Laila and Tariq had a chance at happiness. They would have had to live on the run for the rest of their lives had they attempted to take her with them. I’m not sure if it was the right decision, but I have a narrow, privileged American brain to wrap around it. I assume that they could have run away to someplace far enough that they could have lived all together okay. I guess I’m an optimist through and through and think it was a waste of Mariam’s life not to at least try to get away. Of course she wished for more of life in the end! She’d finally found a family to love and be loved by!

Do you think Laila and Tariq can be happy?

Yes, I believe they are both resourceful enough to make their way in the world. They love each other and their children, and that covers over a multitude of things that might be lacking. I didn’t know why Laila felt such a need to go back to her home town, though, when life could be so much easier if they’d stayed away.

Rate A Thousand Splendid Suns on a scale of 1 to 5.

I would give it a 3. Definitely not a re-read and it made me pretty depressed. I’m sure it’s an amazing literary work, but I’m not the best one to judge that. 

Keri's Review

1. What did A Thousand Splendid Suns teach you about the history of Afghanistan? Did anything surprise you?

I really didn’t know anything about Afghanistan prior to reading this book, so pretty much everything I read was something new. I was surprised to read how different women were treated culturally and how in many ways it is very old-fashioned. I also had not realized how much the people in control had changed over the years and how that affected the people.

2. Mariam’s mother says: "Women like us. We endure. It’s all we have." In what ways is this true? How do Mariam and Laila endure? How is their endurance different from the ways their mothers faced their trials?

In a way there was no other choice for Mariam and Laila but to endure. Neither of them would have been willing to just give up and so they kept on going and tried to make the best of the situations they faced. They tried to be as positive as possible in a life that seemed to have little joy, but once they looked it was there in a cup of tea together in the evening, in cooking and cleaning together, in working together to make a life out of a terrible situation. Laila’s mother was never able to let go of the past and allow herself to move on from her son’s deaths. She was unable or unwilling to see her daughter and her husband as a way to make a happier future. Mariam’s mother became a bitter woman – perhaps many would say she had no choice, but we all have a choice in how we react and behave. She chose to give up once her daughter left because she felt she had nothing left to live for. These choices were something that Mariam and Laila would have never made…not because they were better than their mothers, but simply because they chose to never give up and never lose hope.

3. Several times Mariam passes herself off as Laila's mother. In what way is their relationship like mother-daughter? How did their own relationships with their mothers shape how they treated each other and their family?

I believe there was a significant age difference between the two of them which allowed them to physically create this illusion. But I believe it was a more emotional decision – Laila still wanted and needed a mothering figure due to the lack of attention and love that she received from her own mother; and Mariam craved the ability to be a mother and take care of someone even though she was initially unhappy with Laila’s position in the house (though who could blame her?). I think they both craved the same kind of family life and they both were denied it or lost the little bit that they had been born with. By the time they became friends they were able to create the loving family life they wanted.

4. What is the significance of Laila's childhood trip to see the giant stone Buddhas above the Bamiyan Valley? Why did her father take her on this trip? How did his influence shape the way Laila would cope with her future?

Her father wanted her to see something positive that her country had contributed that had also lasted for over 2000 years. It was a way to see a different perspective of their war-torn country – something peaceful, something beautiful, something awe-inspiring and something not related to war or power or corruption. And by actually bringing her their to see them with her own eyes, feel them with her own hands as they climbed, and listen to their silence, Laila was able to have a deeper connection with her heritage and story. Laila was blessed with a wonderful father who loved her and his family completely. Though he had hopes and dreams about a new life in America, he was willing to stay in Afghanistan to please and accommodate his beloved wife. He gave Laila the ability to see the future for the hopeful place it could be and he encouraged her to be more than her country thought she could be – to have hope, to laugh, to cry, to see and feel beauty and to love and be loved.
“It’s what I always remember about being up here…The silence. The peace of it. I wanted you to experience it. But I also wanted you to see your country’s heritage, children, to learn of its rich past. You see, some things I can teach you. Some you learn from books. But there are things that, well, you just have to see and feel.”

5. Afghanistan changes rulers several times in the story. During the Soviet occupation, the people felt life would be better once the foreigners were defeated. Why do you think the quality of life deteriorated after the occupation rather than returning to the way it was in the pre-communist era?

I think perhaps it was because going from strict regulations to freedom was too much for some people. With little rule, the corrupt and criminal were able to take over and cause the quality of life to deteriorate. And because the ones in control had created a new and much more regulated religious environment it had caused the situation to become worse. The few had everything, and the many had little or nothing.

6. When the Taliban first enter the city, Laila does not believe women will tolerate being forced out of jobs and treated with such indignity. Why do the educated women of Kabul endure such treatment? Why are the Taliban accepted?

I think they endured such treatment because they ultimately had no other choice. While they may have wanted to same freedoms that had existed prior to the Taliban taking control, they realized that in order to survive they had to adapt or face punishment. I think people accepted the Taliban at first because it seemed like they were taking back control of their own country and it would be a good thing. But as their freedoms slipped away and the problems multiplied they quickly discovered that there was no turning back time and nothing they could do to achieve the lives they truly wanted. They had to adjust, just as they had to adjust every time any other ruler took over control of their country.

7. The Taliban forbid "writing books, watching films, and painting pictures;" yet the film Titanic becomes a sensation on the black market. Why would people risk the Taliban’s violence to watch the film? Why do you think this particular film became so popular? How does Hosseini use films throughout the novel to symbolize relationships between people and the state of the country (i.e. Jalil's theater, Tariq & Laila's outings to the movies)?

I think people needed something to escape the reality of their current life and movies have always provided that outlet. Perhaps the hope and love in the story of Titanic and the characters’ ability to rise above what life dealt them gave them joy and made it worth the effort and risk of doing something not allowed. Plus, anything that is forbidden is ultimately more desired and the story of Titanic is also full of forbidden desire which probably made it doubly attractive. I really hadn’t noticed the recurring movie theme, but it is true that it was there. I think as I mentioned before it has to do with the hope and escape that movies provide and that sense of something unobtained. For Mariam, it was never being allowed to watch a film in her father’s theater, and Laila discovering that he had left Mariam a videotape of the film Pinocchio at his death in an act of regret and hope for forgiveness. For Laila and Tariq it was an opportunity to spend time together and helped create the hopes and desires that they grew to have for each other.

8. Were you surprised when Tariq returned? Had you suspected the depth of Rasheed's deceit?

I was very surprised and so happy at Tariq’s return and wondered why I hadn’t even entertained the thought that Rasheed had arranged for his perfect timing reveal of Tariq’s ”death”. Once it was revealed it made perfect sense that he would have wanted to keep Laila from hoping for Tariq’s return because he knew if she had any hope she would have never agreed to marry him instead.

9. Why does Mariam refuse to call witnesses at her trial? Why didn't she try to escape with Laila and Tariq? Do you think Mariam made the right decision? Even though her life was hard, Mariam wishes for more of it in the end. Why do you think that is?

I think that Mariam realized that by choosing to take all the blame for Rasheed’s death she was allowing Laila, Tariq and the children the opportunity to truly be free. Any inquiries or witnesses would have brought them into more attention and possibly would have resulted in their capture and or death. She loved them enough to sacrifice so they could be free, and she knew that trying to escape with them would mean they would always be on the run and never able to feel safe. I think that she made the right choice. It wasn’t the happiest choice or the one anyone really wanted, but it was the right one. By this point in her life, Mariam had finally found people to love her truly and completely and while she of course wanted more time with them, she could at least let them go and let herself be killed knowing that she had lived a life where she had loved and been loved in return.

10. Do you think Laila and Tariq can be happy?

I think that they can be happy because not only will they work hard to make their lives better and the lives of those around them better, but also because they both felt hope and could visualize a positive future for themselves and Afghanistan. And because of their deep love for each other and all they had gone through together and apart, they were able to focus on the good things in life and not sink into depression or anger.

11. Afghanistan is still in the news a lot. Do you think the situation will truly improve there?

I have hope that the situation will improve. I think that this book gave me a deeper understanding of their culture and way of life and more importantly, the ability to feel more personally attached to how their way of life is being affected.

12. Rate A Thousand Splendid Suns on a scale of 1 to 5.

I think I would rate it between a 3 and 4. It’s not necessarily a book that I want to read over and over, but it was a book that touched me and opened my eyes to something I had not really been exposed to previously.

A few meaningful quotes:

· “But Laila knew that her future was no match for her brothers’ past. They had overshadowed her in life. They would obliterate her in death. Mammy was now the curator of their lives’ museum and she, Laila, a mere visitor. A receptacle for their myths. The parchment on which Mammy meant to ink their legends.”

· “…leaving Laila with dueling emotions: reassured that Mammy meant to live on, stung that she was not the reason. She would never leave her mark on Mammy’s heart the way her brothers had, because Mammy’s heart was like a pallid beach where Laila’s footprints would forever wash away beneath the waves of sorrow that swelled and crashed, swelled and crashed.”

· “And that, my young friends, is the story of our country, one invader after another…Macedonians. Sassanians. Arabs. Mongols. Now the Soviets. But we’re like those walls up there. Battered, and nothing pretty to look at, but still standing.”

· “With your mother, both her joy and sadness are extreme. She can’t hide either. She never could. Me, I suppose I’m different. I tend to...But it broke me too, the boys dying. I miss them too. Not a day passes that I…it’s very hard, Laila. So very hard…But I’m glad I have you. I thank God for you. Every single day. Sometimes, when your mother’s having one of her really dark days, I feel like you’re all I have, Laila.”

· “They knew that Mammy wasn’t going anywhere. Leaving Afghanistan had been unthinkable to her while Ahmad and Noor were still alive. Now that they were shaheed, packing up and running was an even worse affront, a betrayal, a disavowal of the sacrifice her sons had made…And Babi would never leave without her…For Mammy, he would brush aside this daydream of his the way he flicked specks of flour from his coat when he got home from work. And so they would stay. They would stay until the war ended. And they would stay for whatever came after war. Laila remembered Mammy telling Babi once that she had married a man who had no convictions. Mammy didn’t understand. She didn’t understand that if she looked into a mirror, she would find the one unfailing conviction of his life looking right back at her.”

· Though there had been moments of beauty in it, Mariam knew that life for the most part had been unkind to her. But…she could not help but wish for more of it. She wished she could see Laila again…She mourned that she would never see Aziza grow up…She would never play with Aziza’s children…Mariam wished for so much in those final moments. Yet as she closed her eyes, it was not regret any longer but a sensation of abundant peace that washed over her. She thought of her entry into this world, the harami child of a lowly villager, an unintended thing, a pitiable, regrettable accident. A weed. And yet she was leaving this world as a woman who had loved and been loved back. She was leaving it as a friend, a companion, a guardian. A mother. A person of consequence at last. No. It was not so bad, Mariam thought, that she should die this way. Not so bad. This was a legitimate end to a life of illegitimate beginnings…One last time, Mariam did as she was told.”

· “But it isn’t mere homesickness or nostalgia that has Laila thinking of Kabul so much these days. She has become plagued by restlessness...Of late, she has started hearing Babi’s voice in her head. You can be anything you want, Laila…I know this about you. And I also know that when this war is over, Afghanistan is going to need you…She remembers Mammy’s response…I want to see my sons’ dreams come true. I want to be there when it happens, when Afghanistan is free, so the boys will see it too. They’ll see it through my eyes. There is a part of Laila now that wants to return to Kabul, for Mammy and Babi, for them to see it through her eyes…then, most compellingly for Laila, there is Mariam. Did Mariam die for this? Did she sacrifice herself so she, Laila, could be a maid in a foreign land?”

· (Laila)”…marveling at how every Afghan story is marked by death and loss and unimaginable grief. And yet, she sees, people find a way to survive, to go on. Laila thinks of her own life and all that has happened to her, and she is astonished that she too has survived, that she is alive and sitting in this taxi listening to this man’s story.”

· “When they first came back to Kabul, it distressed Laila that she didn’t know where the Taliban had buried Mariam. She wished she could visit Mariam’s grave, to sit with her awhile, leave a flower or two. But Laila sees now that it doesn’t matter. Mariam is never far. She is here…but mostly, Mariam is in Laila’s own heart, where she shines with the bursting radiance of a thousand suns.”

time for discussion - 1000 Splendid Suns

I know you guys are up to your ears in stuff going how between Mom, Dad, moving, kids etc. So I don't know if you've finished the book or not. I just did. I'm going to post questions tonight. Later this week, I'll do my "review". But a hint: I liked the book and am still thinking about it.

1. What did A Thousand Splendid Suns teach you about the history of Afghanistan? Did anything surprise you?

2. Mariam’s mother says: "Women like us. We endure. It’s all we have." In what ways is this true? How do Mariam and Laila endure? How is their endurance different from the ways their mothers faced their trials?

3. Several times Mariam passes herself off as Laila's mother. In what way is their relationship like mother-daughter? How did their own relationships with their mothers shape how they treated each other and their family?

4. What is the significance of Laila's childhood trip to see the giant stone Buddhas above the Bamiyan Valley? Why did her father take her on this trip? How did his influence shape the way Laila would cope with her future?

5. Afghanistan changes rulers several times in the story. During the Soviet occupation, the people felt life would be better once the foreigners were defeated. Why do you think the quality of life deteriorated after the occupation rather than returning to the way it was in the pre-communist era?
6. When the Taliban first enter the city, Laila does not believe women will tolerate being forced out of jobs and treated with such indignity. Why do the educated women of Kabul endure such treatment? Why are the Taliban accepted?

7. The Taliban forbid "writing books, watching films, and painting pictures;" yet the filmTitanic becomes a sensation on the black market. Why would people risk the Taliban’s violence to watch the film? Why do you think this particular film became so popular? How does Hosseini use films throughout the novel to symbolize relationships between people and the state of the country (i.e. Jalil's theater, Tariq & Laila's outings to the movies)?

8. Were you surprised when Tariq returned? Had you suspected the depth of Rasheed's deceit?

9. Why does Mariam refuse to call witnesses at her trial? Why didn't she try to escape with Laila and Tariq? Do you think Mariam made the right decision? Even though her life was hard, Mariam wishes for more of it in the end. Why do you think that is?

10. Do you think Laila and Tariq can be happy?

11. Afghanistan is still in the news a lot. Do you think the situation will truly improve there?

12. Rate A Thousand Splendid Suns on a scale of 1 to 5.

Next Pick?

How about A Thousand Splendid Suns by Klaled Houseini? Unless you've read it already, in which case I would pick Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri.

Let me know.

Thanks
Annette

Annette's Turn (FINALLY)

Here I am , better late than never. Loved the book. really loved it. Like both of you I liked the format of the book by "person" or "topic" rather than straight chronology. I think it worked well. She used it to peel away the layers of her experience of France. So we gradually came to know her neighbors and the nature of the French and living in France.

There are aspects of her experience that I envy: the pace of life, the food, the old houses and old roses, learning a new language. And other aspects that make me realize I might like to stay only for a summer: the formality of relations (never saying someones first name), the insistness on "correctness" even when things are ridiculous.

Random thoughts and notes:

You know how much I love birds. I was horrified when she talked about batting the talented black bird with the broom (and having him disappear). I would have been inviting the bird for breakfast. But I enjoyed her gradual realization of the beauty of birds and why the French obsess so much about them. It was an interesting transition on her part.

I was AMAZED that they took the piano with them to France instead of storing it or lending it to someone while they are gone. It is incredibly hard on a piano (I know having carted mine around to Seattle and now Pennsylvania). I'm glad she loves it so much, but really I hope they don't move it again.

I of course loved Madame Mallet for all the reasons you both described. I thought many of the interactions were endearing. The funniest for me was when she suspected that maybe Rebecca was having an affair and but said she thought not "because it lasts only 35 minutes". Such a proper woman in other respects!

I was really touched by their visit to the cemetary at Normandy and the fact that they play Taps over the PA system and everyone stops to listen. All these years later, a good thing.

An example of the French "rigidness in doing things "right". When the woman at the fish pond wouldn't cut off the heads after cleaning it becasue "It would not be correct". Apparently the axiom "the customer is always right would seldom apply in France". And of course the customers isn't always right, I have to like the French for not being willing to put up with BS behavior (although in this case I couldn't figure what wasn't "right" about cutting off the fish heads)

I also liked Madame Fauriaux especially when she handled the "hoodlum" by pretending to take their pictures in front of the graffiti they wrote. It was so clever and simple. An "elegant" solution.

I was also interested in her observations on the Virgin Mary and Joan of Arc. Although I've been a lapsed CAtholic since High School, I suspect having been raised CAtholic (and having Joan of ARc as my Confirmation Saint) gives me a greater senstivity and appreciation for the image and draw of both the Virgin Mary and Joan of Arc. I enjoyed seeing them through her eyes and experience.

All in all, a really good read. Makes me want to start look for house rentals in the south of France! We can dream!

Kelly's Turn

I really enjoyed this book. It inspired a case of CPD syndrome and I flew through it. I liked that the flow of the book didn’t depend on the timeline. I also agree with Keri that I wish there had been pictures to accompany the stories – C’est la vie!

My favorite character in the book was definitely Madame Mallet. I think if I’d been in the Ramsey’s situation I would have had more patience with her from the start. I’m not as bothered by her behavior as they seemed to be. Not sure if you noticed, Keri, but Rebecca dedicated her book to Madame Mallet!

In the chapter “Monsieur Rouge, the Piano Man” I loved that the Ramsey’s decided to keep their piano as it was, even with it’s flaws. The descriptions of the piano were fabulous: “New freshly tuned pianos sounded too soft – too shy, too wishy-washy. I loved the way my piano echoed in my ears without even pressing the pedals, like a saloon piano from an old Western.” “I need a piano that’s at home in my house, wherever we live. And if it has great legs, curvy shoulders, and a voice that means business, what more could we want?” While these thoughts are wonderful in concept, as a musician, I’d hate to have a piano that couldn’t be tuned!

In the chapter “Blessed Mary” I enjoyed the description of Rebecca’s infatuation with Mary. But my favorite part was: “The Lord’s Prayer wasn’t part of every service back home at First Baptist, but now in our Episcopal service we said it every week, first in English and then in French. The French version was glued in the front of the prayer books, and I had it almost memorized. Huddling in our little stone chapel with all the other Americans and Brits and South Africans and saying the prayer together as best we could was one of my favorite parts of our service. Even with my bad accent it sounded beautiful. Saying it in French forced me to think about each word and reminded me that God was not American.”

In the chapter “Grandmere Bonnabry” I loved the bed and breakfast the Ramsey’s visited. While I’m not much of a B&B person myself, Madame Bonnabry seemed charming. I, again, had a hard time sympathizing with Rebecca when she got irritated with her hostess. The comments that were critical about the children weren’t incorrect or overly harsh. They did need some more discipline! It’s a pet peeve of mine when people say you just have to expect kids to behave badly when they’re young – kids live up to whatever expectation of them you have. If you expect them to behave, they will. Our generation has just become really lax with discipline. *climbing off the soap box*

I’d love to stay somewhere out of the USA for an extended period of time and see how I adapted and learned to fit in. Not necessarily France, but somewhere. This book made the idea attractive and was entertaining to boot.

Keri's thoughts

I didn't really like the questions in the back of the book, so I thought we can just talk about what we liked, didn't like, etc. this time. But if anyone wants to bring up some specific questions, we can do that too.

I really enjoyed the book. I wish there had been pictures of their homes, or scenic places mentioned or of their family. I didn't mind that the book didn't really keep a specific timeline and just meandered through their time in France from chapter to chapter.

In the chapter "French Skin" I was particularly fascinated by her observation about how French women are "more comfortable in their skin." In some ways I can see that the ease at which nudity was portrayed in every aspect of their lives might be annoying, frustrating, or bothersome it also became a way for them to see the acceptance was for every body type and not just the perfect ideals of America. "There was a statue in a rose garden downtown that became one of our favorites. It was a woman - a real woman - with thick thighs and round breasts. She stood facing a fountain, as if under the shower, holding back her long hair to let the water rinse through it. 'I like that girl', Sarah told me on a walk. It made me happy. I was sure that when we moved back home she might lose her fantastic accent, and she'd probably forget a lot of the words that once flowed so easily, but I hoped she'd always stand tall like that stone woman in the park, at peace with the skin God gave her."

In the chapter "Blessed Mary" I enjoyed how Rebecca became entranced by Mary. I would imagine that being in Europe and surrounded by so much religious iconography one would become intrigued by it. I can understand her wariness of having a Mary statue on display in her home, but felt that she handled it in a way I could agree with. She wasn't worshipping her Mary statue, but appreciating it's presence in her home and the peace that she could get from observing it. "I loved looking at my Mary, though I still gave all my prayers to the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. She stood there beside the pink delphiniums, a beautiful symbol of that it meant to be a servant, reminding me of our universal need to connect with what is holy, and bringing forth a prayer to my mind... (Lord's prayer in French)."

The chapter "11 Septembre" was also very meaningful. Beginning the book I didn't realize that they had been living in France in 2001, but it was interesting to read about how they found out, how their French friends and acquaintances reacted, and especially how their children handled it - Benjamin in particular. His very realistic and frightening dreams must have been so terrible to handle night after night, especially knowing there was nothing that they could do to help him. "Dreams...They tell the truth. His world is broken and it will never be the same. No one can fix it - that is the saddest part. Perhaps we don't properly appreciate how deeply children take in their environment, and how sensitive they are to the pain in the world...Perhaps I might need to reevaluate my theory - it appears that children are deep thinkers only some of the time. But I'm glad to do what I can. The pain of a finger I can handle - the pain of the world is another story."

One of my favorite characters in the book was Madame Mallet. I loved how attached she became to the the comings and goings and everything in between of the Ramsey's life in France. Though I am certain that had I myself had to deal with her I would not have handled it well...she made for a very interesting reading and I always looked forward to stories about her and what she had to say. I think she was a lonely woman who wanted or perhaps needed something to occupy her life...and the Ramsey's became her focus. She mothered them, disagreed with them, angered them, flattered them, and most of all loved them. "Don't you see? Henry said. You are such a close friend to her that she can be rude to you. You've made it. French people are only rude like that to their closest and dearest friends."
"Monsieur Mallet and I are holding on to life like crumbling fortresses. But we look forward to the day when you drive down our street for a visit and park in front of our gate, like you used to do before I instructed you to do it the proper way. You're so dear to us and we'll always love you, no matter what the crazy Roches say...We miss all of you, Affectionately, Astrid."

In the chapter "A Home for the Greatest Show on Earth" I loved the description of Rebecca's friend Madame de Thiolas' home - full of things which did not match yet went together anyways. This is what I aim for my own home to be like, though I probably tend more on the side of crazy, cozy clutter rather than Parisian elegance. :) But, I wholeheartedly agree with Madame de Thiolas when she says: "I suppose it is the French way to surround oneself with the things one loves...(then describing a visit to a home in Connecticut)...it was too perfect for my taste - too stiff, too sterile. Everything matched...That would stifle me - to lock myself into such a formula. I didn't understand it. What if you found something you loved but it didn't fit? What are you supposed to do - abandon it? No, I couldn't live like that." Even though it would never be my taste to decorate with a giant circus poster like Rebecca fell in love with...I love the idea of embracing what you love and surrounding yourself with objects, art, books, etc that make you happy...even if they don't match. What they have in common is that you love them.

All in all I truly enjoyed this book and hope that I someday have the opportunity to visit France for myself and experience the beauty, the history, the elegance, especially the food...and even the bird poo!

The next book is....

French by Heart: an American family's adventures in La Belle France by Rebecca S. Ramsey.

"Can a family of five from deep in the heart of Dixie find happiness smack-dab in the middle of France? A charming tale with world-class characters, French by Heart reads like letters from your funniest friend. More than just a slice of life in France, it's a heartwarming account of a family coming of age and learning what 'home sweet home' really means."

Hopefully this sounds as interesting to you two as it does to me. :) Kelly - I've submitted an ILL request for a copy for you. I figure we can plan to discuss it sometime next month? There are discussion questions in back of my copy which I will post later.

Kelly's Turn

I know I finished this book before everyone else, but I've been slow to put things together. Overall, I really enjoyed this book. I liked all the different people's stories put together and I have to admit I never even thought about if it would work this way in real life. I'm an easy one with the willing suspension of disbelief! I'm glad I didn't buy the book, though, as it's not something I would read over and over again. But there were a lot of great descriptions and great thoughts scattered throughout the book! (I skipped a few of the questions - you guys covered them well already!)

1) When Claire first walks into Lillian’s, she reflects: “When was the last time she had been someplace where nobody knew who she was?” Is the anonymity of the kitchen a lure for Lillian’s students?

I remember how I was when I first went into a chat room online. They were still a fairly new thing, and it was wonderful for me. I didn't have any stereotypes - everyone could be a friend - and no one judged me either! I can see that being in a cooking class like this could be very freeing for a mom in Claire's situation. Love these quotes from Claire's story:

“The strangeness of it caught her. It was hard to remember the last time she had gone anywhere without her children or her husband. … How strange, she thought. These people here, they looked at her and thought she was alone, she whose children were with her even in her dreams.”

“After the children were born, it was as if no one could see further than the soft hair, the round cheeks of the babies she carried. She became the frame for the picture that was her son and daughter.”


2) How did you respond to the story of Lillian’s upbringing? Would Lillian have been better off with a more traditional home life, like those of her school friends? Do you agree with Abuelita’s statement that “sometimes our greatest gifts grow from what we’re not given”?

She didn't have it as bad as many children have it, though that doesn't make her situation "easy", by any means. I think we all have to do the best with what we're given, and I think Lillian did! I completely agree with Abuelita's statement!


3) Besides scenes from her childhood, the author discloses very little about Lillian. Why do you think she did this? How would the book be different if we knew more about Lillian’s day-to-day life?

I think the author was more interested in making sure all the "ingredients"/people of her book had time to shine, rather than focusing on the chef preparing the meal. Hope that's not too philosophical an answer! :o)


4) As a general rule, Lillian doesn’t give her students recipes. Why do you think she does this? What are the pros and cons of this approach to cooking?

I don't know why and it would drive me NUTS to cook this way!! I have to admit I don't see any pros!


5) Did Helen do the right thing by telling Carl about her affair? How would their marriage — and Helen and Carl themselves — have evolved had he never learned the truth?

I think honesty is always in order, so yes. If she hadn't shared with him, she might not have left the other guy, and she might have continued to grow more distant from Carl, learned to think less of him for not noticing what was going on. Here's my favorite quotes from their story:

“He sank into the warmth of his child’s fragile body against his shoulder, watched in awe that a baby, still essentially asleep, could keep a death grip on the blanket that meant the world was safe and loving, marveling at the thought that it was he and Helen who gave the feeling to the blanket, and the blanket to the child.”

“Statistics predicted a far greater chance of divorce than automobile accident, death by violence, or the all-too-graphic possibility of “dismemberment” – which was perhaps why insurance companies didn’t sell policies for marital stability.”

“Carl’s older sister didn’t understand (why he stayed with his wife after she had been unfaithful). … ‘How long can you live like this?’ she asked him. ‘We made a promise, a long time ago.’ … ‘She broke the promise, Carl.’ But her tone was gentle. ‘We are keeping as much of it as we can.’ … ‘Marriage is a leap of faith. You are each other’s safety net.’ ‘People change.’ Carl stopped, and let his fingers rest on the counter in front of him. ‘I think that’s what we’re both counting on.’”


7) Although we only see Charlie, Tom’s wife, in flashback, she seems to share Lillian’s love of essential ingredients. What do you make of Charlie’s statement that “We are all just ingredients. What matters is the grace with which you cook the meal”?

Back to the "we make the best we can with what we've got" thought.

“Look at what you did,’ Lillian remarked quietly, standing next to Tom at the counter. ‘They’ll eat it,’ he said, ‘and then it’ll be gone.’ ‘That’s what makes it a gift,’ Lillian replied.”


11) At the end of the novel, Lillian reflects that: “She saw how connected [the students’] lives had become and would remain. Where did a teacher fit in the picture, she wondered, when there was no longer a class?” What do you think happens to Lillian once her class is disbanded? What do you imagine happens in to the other characters’ lives after the book ends?

I like to think that Tom and Lillian get married someday when he's done grieving. I'm a romantic like that!


Last quotes:
“Isabelle had always thought of her mind as a garden, a magical place to play as a child, when the grown-ups were having conversations and she was expected to listen politely – and even, although she hated to admit this, later with Edward, her husband, when listening to the particularities of his carpet salesmanship wore her thin. Every year the garden grew larger, the paths longer and more complicated. Meadows of memories. Of course, her mental garden hadn’t always been well tended. There were the years when the children were young, fast-moving periods when life flew by without time for the roots of deep reflection, and yet she knew memories were created whether one pondered them or not. She had always considered that one of the luxuries of growing older would be the chance to wander through the garden that had grown while she wasn’t looking. She would sit on a bench and let her mind take every path, tend every moment she hadn’t paid attention to, appreciate the juxtaposition of one memory against another. But now that she was older and had time, she found more often than not that she was lost – words, names, her children’s phone numbers arriving and departing from her mind like trains without schedules.”

“I’ve been wondering,’ Isabelle commented reflectively over dessert, ‘if it is foolish to make new memories when you know you are going to lose them.’ … After a while, she spoke again, ‘You know, I am starting to think that maybe memories are like this dessert. I eat it, and it becomes a part of me, whether I remember it later or not.”

“I knew a sculptor,’ Isabelle said, nodding. ‘He always said that if you looked hard enough, you could see where each person carried his soul in his body. It sounds crazy, but when you saw his sculptures, it made sense. I think the same is true with those we love. Our bodies carry the memories of them, in our muscles, in our skin, in our bones. My children are right here.’ She pointed to the inside curve of her elbow. ‘Where I held them when they were babies. Even if there comes a time when I don’t know who they are anymore, I believe I will feel them here.”

Keri's thoughts

I definitely enjoyed this book, but I can't say that I loved this book. I always like books which switch perspectives so that you can get a different idea of things and hear each characters stories. I got confused about a couple of the characters though, particularly Isabelle and Antonia. I love books about food as well, so that element in this book appealed to me as well. I wish that there had been actual recipes included though.


1) When Claire first walks into Lillian’s, she reflects: “When was the last time she had been someplace where nobody knew who she was?” Is the anonymity of the kitchen a lure for Lillian’s students?

I liked that quote from Claire as I think it is something we've all felt at one moment or another. When you are surrounded by people who know nothing about you, it can be a little scary as well as a bit freeing. They don't know all your stories, or how you normally act and that can be in turns a wonderful opportunity to be someone new, or can give you a sense of intense loneliness and a desire to keep yourself for those who already know you. I'm not sure that I felt that the anonymity was a lure, mostly just a side note to their experience.

2) How did you respond to the story of Lillian’s upbringing? Would Lillian have been better off with a more traditional home life, like those of her school friends? Do you agree with Abuelita’s statement that “sometimes our greatest gifts grow from what we’re not given”?

I felt sadness for Lillian and her mother. I could understand the desire to lose oneself in books, and though it wasn't the "best" upbringing for Lillian it taught her to survive on her own and teach herself in a way that she never would have had her mother not been so depressed. I do believe that sometimes our greatest joys can stem from what we achieve instead of what we receive and Lillian seems to have created a happy future for herself in spite of the loneliness of her childhood.

3) Besides scenes from her childhood, the author discloses very little about Lillian. Why do you think she did this? How would the book be different if we knew more about Lillian’s day-to-day life?

I think that the point of the novel was not that Lillian was the main character...she was simply a piece of the puzzle of this particular cooking class. We learned bits about her as we learned bits about each other member...but it was never meant to be a full story for anyone. I think it is about how our experiences reflect on those we come into contact with - creating moments of shared joy or sadness and cause us to reflect on how our past brought us to that moment and where we can move on from there.

4) As a general rule, Lillian doesn’t give her students recipes. Why do you think she does this? What are the pros and cons of this approach to cooking?

I think that the reason she doesn't give recipes is because she sees food as something very personal to each person. Thus each person will add or subtract the ingredients or amounts that appeal or don't appeal to them in the moment that they create the food. The benefit of cooking is that you can have this freedom to add a pinch of this, or a dash of that, switch out this ingredient for another that you like better and taste and see how it turns out. This freedom can be a wonderful gift...but on the other hand it can be a total frustration for others. Some people want and need the structure and comfort of a set recipe which turns out time and time again exactly the way one wants or needs it. I personally like a little bit of both...I love recipes, but I feel free to play with it to suit me in that moment.

5) Did Helen do the right thing by telling Carl about her affair? How would their marriage — and Helen and Carl themselves — have evolved had he never learned the truth?

In their case, I think that Helen made the right choice in telling Carl about her affair. They were able to move on and improve their relationship due to her honesty and how they got through it. However, I don't believe it is always the right choice to make, as Aunt Annette said. Sometimes it is better to keep it to yourself, deal with the guilt and move on without unnecessarily hurting the other person in order to make yourself feel better by "sharing" the guilt and hurt. But for them, they seemed to need the shaking up that her admission of the affair provided and it ultimately made their marriage stronger.

6) Each of the character’s stories centers on a dish or ingredient which has a profound affect upon how they see themselves or the world. What connections do you see between Claire and the crabs? Between Chloe and tortillas? Tom and the pasta sauce?

I just browsed through those chapters and really am not sure what to write as an answer...so I guess I have nothing to say for this one. :)

7) Although we only see Charlie, Tom’s wife, in flashback, she seems to share Lillian’s love of essential ingredients. What do you make of Charlie’s statement that “We are all just ingredients. What matters is the grace with which you cook the meal”?

We all add something when we cook for others. Our joy, hospitality, even a little bit of how we see the world. We chose specific dishes that have meaning for us even if the only meaning is that we really love how it tastes. And I think that our love for something, or the someone that we cook for, will come through in the meal we present.

8) Chloe observes that Thanksgiving at her house is “about everyone being the same and if you’re not, eating enough so you won’t notice.” Is this something that our culture buys into in a larger sense? How does Lillian’s approach to food fly in the face of this idea?

I have to mention that even though I love Christmas, I think that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I don't love the foods, though I've come to appreciate them and enjoy what I do eat that one day of the year. But what I do love it that for our family at least it is a celebration of togetherness. We include immediate family, extended family, family friends, friends, strangers...anyone is welcomed and treated like a member of the family. We share in the preparations - though some contribute a greater portion, everyone brings something to the table. We share our prayers, our food, our laughter, even tears with each other...and then we also share in the clean up. I think that what our family does seems to capture a bit of what Lillian believed about food...but I know that it isn't necessarily how our culture behaves.

9) Isaac says to Isabelle that he thinks “we are each a ladder and a chair for the other.” What do you think he means? Are there people in your life who are or have been that for you?

I suppose that he meant that they were a support for each other in times of movement and in times of quiet? If this is what he means, then I have definitely had a variety of people who have been that for me over the years. Sometimes it is for only a short time, like my friend Megan on our two summer mission trips. I don't think either of us would have coped as well without each other there for support, love and encouragement...but we aren't close friends now. I think that God brings people into our lives all the time just exactly when we need them or when they need us...we just have to be open to the connection.

10) Lillian tells the class that “A holiday is a lot like a kitchen. What’s important is what comes out of it.” In what way do the kitchens in this book — Lillian’s childhood kitchen, the greasy spoon where Tom meets Charlie, the kitchen that Antonia saves from demolition — represent different celebrations of life? Is there a kitchen in your life that you associate with a particular celebration or emotional milestone?

I love kitchens and I think that they can be a very important part of a family life. My childhood memories of the kitchen include helping my Dad work in the kitchen at Fosters Freeze, "washing" dishes and licking the beaters, and learning to cook as I grew older and making fancy meals for my parents for their anniversary. Now my kitchen is one of my favorite rooms and a place that I want to be accessible for my guests and a place that they can feel at home.

11) At the end of the novel, Lillian reflects that: “She saw how connected [the students’] lives had become and would remain. Where did a teacher fit in the picture, she wondered, when there was no longer a class?” What do you think happens to Lillian once her class is disbanded? What do you imagine happens in to the other characters’ lives after the book ends?

I think that a memorable class with a memorable teacher is never forgotten and depending on how strong the connection is the students would try to maintain contact. I know that I have several teachers that are still part of my life even though many years have past since I was a part of their classrooms. I don't really think too much about what happened to the characters now...but I suppose that I assume that they are happy and sharing the things they learned with the other people in their lives.

12) What would be your essential ingredients?

If we are talking about actual ingredients I would probably say either lemon or garlic as both are something I use a lot and love the flavor of in many things. But otherwise, I would say that my essential ingredient is love. I feel so blessed by so much love in my life and can't imagine what I would be like if I didn't have this wonderful cocoon of love surrounding me as far back as I can remember. I know that not everyone feels this and that just makes me grateful and thank God once again that I somehow was blessed.

Some favorite quotes:

• "(Lillian) felt about her zester the way some women do about a pair of spiky red shoes - a frivolous splurge, good only for parties, bu oh so lovely...There were so few occasions for a zester, using it felt like a holiday."
• "(Claire) I remember my wedding cake...I was so hungry...Here was this incredible cake...I told my husband I was starving, and he took a fork and just stuck it in the side of the cake and fed me a bite. My mother and the photographer were furious, but I always tell James that was the moment when I married him."
• "Flour is like the guy in the movie who you don't realize is sexy until the very end...Butter is so much more alluring. But the thing is, flour is what holds a cake together."
• "And slowly, as he waited for illumination, what had happened each day - began to pile up against what he could not imagine, until the secret she couldn't keep became one more part of their lives, one more stick in the nest they had built of moments and promises, the first time he had seen her, the second time they had fought, his hand touching her hair as she nursed a baby. Carl was a bird-watcherl; he knew that not all sticks in a nest are straight."
• "Life is beautiful. Some people just remind you of that more than others."
• "Isabelle had always thought of her mind as a gardern...Every year the garden grew larger, the paths longer and more complicated. Meadows of memories...she knew memories were created whether one pondered them or not. She had always considered that one of the luxuries of growing older would be the chance to wander through the garden that had grown while she wasn't looking. She would sit on a bench and let her mind take every path, tend every moment she hadn't paid attention to, appreciate the juxtaposition of one memory against another."
• "(Isabelle) When she realized that there are many kinds of love and not all of them are obvious, that some wait, like presents in the back of the closet, until you are able to open them."
• "I think it is good to not know things sometimes...It makes everything...a possibility, if you don't know the answer."

Two Things

I believe it will Keri's choice next go around.

And, I just saw the trailer for the movie "My sister's Keeper". I can't wait until it comes out. I wonder how true to the book it will be.

Annette's View

Thanks Keri for posting the questions. I'll get to them in a minute. But first I need to preface my discussion with the fact I didn't really like this book. I wanted to like the book. And there were moments when I like parts of the book. There were characters who I liked. but all in all, the book bugged me. I felt that it was unrealistic. I found the ability of the characters to bond in seconds to be unbelievable. And they were able to reach levels of intimacy that are rare to achieve over time much less with a touch at a cooking class. Some of the authors writing was quite beautiful but at times she was trying too hard and it was just one simile/metaphor after another. Too much of a good thing. There were times when I just said "oh, come on". One example..Helen eats a bite of chocolate and it brings back memories. That part isn't hard to believe...I've had times when the taste or smell of something has taken me back to a different time/place. But Helen has not one...not two...but FOUR really detailed and intense memories off that one bite of chocolate...boomboomboom. This was really stretching things for me.

And they had convesations I don't think most people would have within 4 seconds of meeting one another. There is one on page 51 where Helen asks Claire "What do you do that makes you happy, just you? I just can't imagine a perfect stranger asking that of someone within 1 minute of meeting them. On page 66, there is a discussion of how Carl and Helen first dance which is the beginning of their relationship. But at the end of the dance, he says "your home". I mean really...who would say that? to someone after their first dance?

I thought the description of food and preparing the food was much better and the strongest part of the book. I enjoyed that part.

Okay, now to the Q&A

1) When Claire first walks into Lillian’s, she reflects: “When was the last time she had been someplace where nobody knew who she was?” Is the anonymity of the kitchen a lure for Lillian’s students?

I don't think the anonymity of the kitchen is what brought them to cooking class. It may be why they feel comfortable there though. However, the author brings everyone so close in such a short period of time that I would harldy say that the place is very anonymous after a couple of weeks.


2) How did you respond to the story of Lillian’s upbringing? Would Lillian have been better off with a more traditional home life, like those of her school friends? Do you agree with Abuelita’s statement that “sometimes our greatest gifts grow from what we’re not given”?

hmmm. better off? I always find that kind of question both interesting and perturbing. I think you end up where you end up and some make more with what they are given than others. Maybe its true some make up for what they are NOT given than others.

i did find it way too hard to believe that mashed potatos and mexican hot chocolate ahd the power to bring her mother out of such a profound depression. I think this is taking a metaphor way too far afield. Her mother was profoundly dysfunctional, I don't think you just wake up one day and say hmmm....hot chocolate...life beings again!


3) Besides scenes from her childhood, the author discloses very little about Lillian. Why do you think she did this? How would the book be different if we knew more about Lillian’s day-to-day life?

I really don't know, except that Lillian is kind of like the "magic fairy godmother" in the book...the mysterious seer....the waver of magic wand (in this case the magic spoon). the book really centers on how the author sees the participants in the cooking class growing and changing, not how Lillian grows and changes.


4) As a general rule, Lillian doesn’t give her students recipes. Why do you think she does this? What are the pros and cons of this approach to cooking?

hmmm. when you are comfortable cooking without a recipe, I believe you are less afraid of cooking and perhaps more creative. perhaps the food reflects you more than others. however, i find it a bizarre way to teach newbies. I always start with a known recipe and then create from there, deviate however I feel comfortable. I think the author was more interested in making a point than describing how most cooking classes are taught. I've taken many, never had one without a recipe.


5) Did Helen do the right thing by telling Carl about her affair? How would their marriage — and Helen and Carl themselves — have evolved had he never learned the truth?

I don't think she should have told him. It hurt him without changing anything. She was staying with Carl and loved him. She would have to learn how to live with the memories of the lover and say goodbye to all that. She had to do that her own way anyhow. I think it would have been easier if he hadn't known.


6) Each of the character’s stories centers on a dish or ingredient which has a profound affect upon how they see themselves or the world. What connections do you see between Claire and the crabs? Between Chloe and tortillas? Tom and the pasta sauce?

I hadn't really thought about that until now...but I guess I should have...they are the ultimate metaphors.

7) Although we only see Charlie, Tom’s wife, in flashback, she seems to share Lillian’s love of essential ingredients. What do you make of Charlie’s statement that “We are all just ingredients. What matters is the grace with which you cook the meal”?

I'm not sure I get it frankly.


8) Chloe observes that Thanksgiving at her house is “about everyone being the same and if you’re not, eating enough so you won’t notice.” Is this something that our culture buys into in a larger sense? How does Lillian’s approach to food fly in the face of this idea?

One of the things that I did love about the book was how Lillian encourage everyone to slow down and savor flavors and ingredients. She tried to encourage them essentially that "more is not alway better". She attempted them to wakeup to the best tastes (like the ugly tomato). I thought this was a good message and always made me hungry.

9) Isaac says to Isabelle that he thinks “we are each a ladder and a chair for the other.” What do you think he means? Are there people in your life who are or have been that for you?

I forget in what context this was said...so I'm afraid I don't understand it and don't really want to make the effort to go figure it out.


0) Lillian tells the class that “A holiday is a lot like a kitchen. What’s important is what comes out of it.” In what way do the kitchens in this book — Lillian’s childhood kitchen, the greasy spoon where Tom meets Charlie, the kitchen that Antonia saves from demolition — represent different celebrations of life? Is there a kitchen in your life that you associate with a particular celebration or emotional milestone?

Not sure. And no.


11) At the end of the novel, Lillian reflects that: “She saw how connected [the students’] lives had become and would remain. Where did a teacher fit in the picture, she wondered, when there was no longer a class?” What do you think happens to Lillian once her class is disbanded? What do you imagine happens in to the other characters’ lives after the book ends?

Again..I think the extent to which the students "connected" and became intimate with one another is simply unrealistic and I have trouble extending those relationships into the future. To have had one or two connect in that way is possible. to have had it happen in a class that met for a long time, possibly. But again...this just didn't work for me. Lillian will move onto the next class...and in the authors world I'm sure she will weave the same "magic" onto the next class of people. I believe the author would like us to believe that everyone will live happily ever after since in the end I believe she wrote a fairy tale.

12) What would be your essential ingredients?

Discussion questions found on author's website

Discussion Questions:

1) When Claire first walks into Lillian’s, she reflects: “When was the last time she had been someplace where nobody knew who she was?” Is the anonymity of the kitchen a lure for Lillian’s students?

2) How did you respond to the story of Lillian’s upbringing? Would Lillian have been better off with a more traditional home life, like those of her school friends? Do you agree with Abuelita’s statement that “sometimes our greatest gifts grow from what we’re not given”?

3) Besides scenes from her childhood, the author discloses very little about Lillian. Why do you think she did this? How would the book be different if we knew more about Lillian’s day-to-day life?

4) As a general rule, Lillian doesn’t give her students recipes. Why do you think she does this? What are the pros and cons of this approach to cooking?

5) Did Helen do the right thing by telling Carl about her affair? How would their marriage — and Helen and Carl themselves — have evolved had he never learned the truth?

6) Each of the character’s stories centers on a dish or ingredient which has a profound affect upon how they see themselves or the world. What connections do you see between Claire and the crabs? Between Chloe and tortillas? Tom and the pasta sauce?

7) Although we only see Charlie, Tom’s wife, in flashback, she seems to share Lillian’s love of essential ingredients. What do you make of Charlie’s statement that “We are all just ingredients. What matters is the grace with which you cook the meal”?

8) Chloe observes that Thanksgiving at her house is “about everyone being the same and if you’re not, eating enough so you won’t notice.” Is this something that our culture buys into in a larger sense? How does Lillian’s approach to food fly in the face of this idea?

9) Isaac says to Isabelle that he thinks “we are each a ladder and a chair for the other.” What do you think he means? Are there people in your life who are or have been that for you?

10) Lillian tells the class that “A holiday is a lot like a kitchen. What’s important is what comes out of it.” In what way do the kitchens in this book — Lillian’s childhood kitchen, the greasy spoon where Tom meets Charlie, the kitchen that Antonia saves from demolition — represent different celebrations of life? Is there a kitchen in your life that you associate with a particular celebration or emotional milestone?

11) At the end of the novel, Lillian reflects that: “She saw how connected [the students’] lives had become and would remain. Where did a teacher fit in the picture, she wondered, when there was no longer a class?” What do you think happens to Lillian once her class is disbanded? What do you imagine happens in to the other characters’ lives after the book ends?

12) What would be your essential ingredients?

Kelly's Pick - March/April

Kelly picks"The School of Essential Ingredients" by Erica Bauermeister. Shall we meet sometime after the middle of April? I'm traveling until around the 20th...I can read the book by then...but probably won't be able to comment much before then with only sporadic internet connections.

who picks next?

I think its Kelly.

Keri's thoughts on My Sister's Keeper

Reread the prologue to My Sister's Keeper. Who is the speaker? Is it the same person you thought it was the first time you read it?
I was very surprised by the ending of the novel which shows us that the prologue speaker was actually Kate and not Anna. It would be interesting to reread the novel now that I know the result to see how much reads differently.

What is the metaphorical relevance of Brian's profession as a fire chief?
It gives him a sense of control that he lacks in his personal life. But it is also such an uncontrollable field that it seems odd that it might give him the peace that it seems to. I suppose that at least there he knows exactly what to do in a given situation whereas at home it is never quite so clear.

Why is Jesse's behavior so aberrant, while until now, Anna has been so compliant?
They both had their own ways of dealing with the cards life had dealt them. Anna chose to be compliant – to be the “good little daughter”. This gave her the attention she needed, but in a more positive way. Jesse, on the other hand, needed just as much attention and perhaps more…but he chose to behave badly. Unfortunately children learn that negative attention is still attention and in his case it was almost too late for him to change. I think that his choice to set fires was a way to reach out to his father, and though it was not a good decision, it ultimately did bring them back together with some forgiveness on both sides.

On page 98, Kate is being admitted to the hospital in very serious condition. She mouths to Jesse, "tell Anna," but is unable to finish. What do you think she was trying to say?
I’m really not certain what Kate wanted Jesse to tell Anna. Perhaps she wanted her sister to keep going on with the case, or perhaps she was wanting her to stop and just give the kidney. I think she was conflicted and probably was for her entire life. Life was never easy for Kate and I’m sure it must have felt easier to just give up and let the disease kill her.

On page 122, Julia says, "Even if the law says that no one is responsible for anyone else, helping someone who needs it is the right thing to do." Who understood better how to "help" Kate, Sara or Anna?
I think that both of them were trying their best in a challenging situation that has no guidelines. But my personal feeling is that Anna made the right choice. She was listening to her sister and trying to honor her wishes regardless of how she personally felt about it.

Did Anna do the right thing, honoring Kate's wishes?
I think that she did make the right choice. Though it was unfair of Kate to ask to do so behind her parent’s back, and to ask that her sister who loved her and was only 13 to make such a terrible choice. But Kate had every right to make the choice that she did, and Anna was right to respect her wishes.

Do you feel it was unfair of Kate to ask Anna to refuse to donate a kidney, even though this seemed to be the only way for her to avoid the lifesaving transplant?
I think it was unfair of her to ask, but I understand why she did so. She should have just told her parents what she wanted, but I can understand why she didn’t think that would work. I really don’t think that Sara would have listened to what Kate had to say in this situation.

On page 142, Brian says that when rescuing someone from a fire, that "the safety of the rescuer is of a higher priority than the safety of the victim. Always." How does this apply to his role in his own family?
I think that this refers to why he took Anna to stay at the firehouse with him. She needed an escape from the house and her mother during the trial. Even though he wasn’t sure how he felt about the trial and the issues that came with it, he knew that he needed to protect his daughter and Sara was too focused on Kate to see why Anna needed help.

On page 144, Brian says, "Like anything that's been confined, fire has a natural instinct to escape." How does this truth apply to Kate? to Brian himself?
I think that Kate just wanted to escape the life she was forced to lead. She was tired of being sick, tired of having surgeries and procedures, tired of not being “normal” and she just wanted it to go away. And at the point she was at physically, not having the transplant was the easiest way out. But I think she was afraid to tell her parents because she knew how much they had done for her over the years. For Brian, I think this quote has to do with his desire to take Anna to the firehouse. To escape from the tension in his own home. He & Sara did not always agree on how to care for Kate, or their other children, but in most cases he always deferred to Sara. But this time he had to stand up to her, and that involved escaping from her presence for a time.

On page 149, Brian is talking to Julia about astronomy and says, "Dark matter has a gravitational effect on other objects. You can't see it, you can't feel it, but you can watch something being pulled in its direction." How is this symbolic of Kate's illness?
Kate’s illness affected the entire family – from the moment she was diagnosed it changed how they interacted, how they cared for each other, how they made decisions. She became the focus and center of everything…and that wasn’t the right choice. It took their focus off of Jesse who almost became unredeemable. It took their focus off treating Anna as their child instead of as a cure for Kate. It took their focus off their marriage and how they felt about each other. And it took their focus off of Kate and how she might feel or what she might want out of life.

How does Anna's decision to pursue medical emancipation parallel Campbell's decision to end his relationship with Julia after his accident?
I think that they both felt they were making the right choice…perhaps the only choice. But reflecting on it now I think that it definitely wasn’t their only choice. Anna could have gone to her parents and told them Kate did not want the surgery. It would not have been easy, but perhaps it would have forced them all to come together to talk, and to actually listen to each other. There would have been tension and there would have been arguments, but maybe they might have been able to come to a decision that they all could tolerate, if not agree completely on. In Campbell’s case, he should have told Julia what had happened to him. They could have worked through it all together and it wasn’t fair of him to hurt her so badly to supposedly make things easier. It obviously did not make things easier for either of them.

Do you agree with Brian's decision not to turn Jesse in to the authorities for setting the fires?
I do. Though it may not be the correct moral, legal or ethical choice I think that it makes sense why Brian didn’t turn him in. I think that he realized that Jesse was acting out in this way to gain attention. And it made Brian realize how far his son was willing to go and what that meant about how he and Sara had been parenting Jesse. I think he saw that Jesse had suffered enough and with his forgiveness would not set any more fires in the future.

Do you feel that it's ethical to conceive a child that meets specific genetic requirements?
I really do not believe so. I can try to understand why Sara and Brian decided to do so…but it becomes this slippery slope of how much is too much. How far do you take this? Obviously though they initially conceived Anna simply to get cord blood, it became normal to take whatever she had that would help Kate. It was never enough and would never be enough. Even though we now know that Anna wanted to help her sister in any way that she could, was it really fair to keep demanding it?


I think that through out the book, I felt the most for Jesse. Though he chose to react poorly, I think that life was very difficult for him. His life was never the same after his sister Kate was diagnosed with leukemia. His parents began to ignore him and believe that the things that mattered to him did not matter in the life or death scheme of Kate’s life. Sara had very little sympathy for him and though she occasionally questioned herself about how she treated him, ultimately she did give up on him. He became much less important to her than Kate, and even Anna. Because Anna was able to provide the things that Kate needed medically, she gave her more attention that she did Jesse. But she even neglected Anna’s needs more than once. Most of the quotes that I underlined throughout the book were of the ways that Sara treated Jesse and Anna. Though I understand her concern for Kate, I think it blinded her to the rest of her life and that makes me sad.

• (Kate speaking) “He gets into a lot of bad stuff he shouldn’t…It’s the way he gets noticed, you know? I mean, imagine what it would be like if you were a squirrel living in the elephant cage at the zoo. Does anyone ever go there and say, Hey, check out that squirrel? No, because there’s something so much bigger you notice first.”
  
• (Sara speaking) “Your sister…is incredibly sick. I’m sorry if that interferes with your dentist’s appointment or your plan to go buy a pair of cleats. But those don’t rate quite as high in the grand scheme of things right now. I’d think that since you’re ten, you might be able to grow up enough to realize that the whole world doesn’t always revolve around you.” (Jesse speaking) “Why don’t you grow up? Why don’t you figure out that the world doesn’t revolve around her?” (Sara thinks) “For the first time in my life I begin to understand how a parent might hit a child – it’s because you can look into their eyes and see a reflection of yourself that you wish you hadn’t.”
  
• (Anna speaks) “Why did I have to leave the party?” (Sara thinks) “Because your sister is more important than cake and ice cream; because I cannot do this for her; because I said so” (Sara speaks) “’Stop acting like a five-year-old,’ I accuse, and then I remember that’s exactly what she is.”
  
• (Sara thinks) “I wonder when, exactly, I gave up on him. I wonder why, when Jesse’s history is not by any stretch as disappointing as his sister’s…I glance down and notice a bruise the size of a half-dollar, right in the crook of his arm. There’s a matching one on the other side. It is telling, I suppose, that my mind immediately races to heroin, instead of leukemia, as it would with his sisters.” (Jesse speaks) “Yeah, Ma. I shoot up every three days. Except I’m not doing smack, I’m getting blood taken out of me on the third floor here…Didn’t you realize who else was keeping Kate in platelets?”
  
• “Parents control everything, unless you’re like Jesse and you do enough to upset them that they’d rather ignore you than pretend you actually exist.”
  
• “If Kate was feeling guilty about being a burden, I was feeling twice as guilty for knowing she felt that way. For knowing I felt that way…that in addition to the piece of me that’s always wanted Kate to live, there’s another, horrible piece of me that sometimes wishes I were free…all these terrible feelings, some of which are too awful to speak out loud. That I want Kate alive, but also want to be myself, not part of her. That I want the chance to grow up, even if Kate can’t. That Kate’s death would be the worst thing that’s ever happened to me…and also the best. That sometimes, when I think about all this, I hate myself and just want to crawl back to where I was, to the person they want me to be…What if Kate wanted to die, so that I could live? What if after all these years of saving Kate, she was only trying to do the same for me?”
  
• “There’s two reasons not to tell the truth – because lying will get you what you want, and because lying will keep someone from getting hurt.”
  
• “If you have a sister and she dies, do you stop saying you have one? Or are you always a sister, even when the other half of the equation is gone?”
  
• “In the English language there are orphans and widows, but there is no word for the parent who loses a child.”
  
• “…the people you love can surprise you every day. That maybe who we are isn’t so much about what we do, but rather what we’re capable of when we least expect it"
• “You don’t love someone because they’re perfect…You love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.”

My Sister's Keeper - by Kelly

Reread the prologue to My Sister's Keeper. Who is the speaker? Is it the same person you thought it was the first time you read it? The speaker is Kate – I thought it was Anna when I first read it. Looking back at it now is kind of disturbing!

Why is Jesse's behavior so aberrant, while until now, Anna has been so compliant? Jesse thought he wasn’t needed, so he did anything he could to be noticed. Anna was SO needed, she just went with the flow – she loved her sister, too. I agree with Aunt Annette that I felt more pity for Jesse than for Anna!

What might be a possible reason for Brian's fascination with astronomy? Something stable, something normal, constant – something he could track, observe, measure; his life was so hectic

On page 98, Kate is being admitted to the hospital in very serious condition. She mouths to Jesse, "tell Anna," but is unable to finish. What do you think she was trying to say? Maybe that she loves her; not to do anything to change the situation

Did Anna do the right thing, honoring Kate's wishes? I think so… though if I was in her situation, I wouldn’t have done it. I would have said, “Too bad, sis, I want to keep you around and will do whatever it takes to do that!”

Do you feel it was unfair of Kate to ask Anna to refuse to donate a kidney, even though this seemed to be the only way for her to avoid the lifesaving transplant? Yes – Kate should have just said she didn’t want it. It’s a lot to put on a 13 year olds plate! Not only dealing with the legal stuff, but having to deal with her sister’s death and feeling/knowing she was the cause of it!

Do you feel that it's ethical to conceive a child that meets specific genetic requirements? I’m definitely against genetic design for things like gender, hair/eye color, etc., though I wonder how I’d feel in Sara’s situation. If you know that you want another child, that you’re only planning on using cord blood to help your firstborn, and that by having the child meet those genetic specifications you may be able to save your other child… I could easily see myself doing the same thing. Even as the years passed and procedure after procedure came up, I can still see myself making similar medical decisions, though I’d hope I would be more sensitive to my non-sick kids than Sara & Brian were to theirs!

Do you sympathize with Sara? The parts of the book that are from the time when Kate was a baby/little girl and are written from Sara's perspective, I completely sympathize with her. I pray I never have to be in that situation and I understand why she did what she did. However, the parts that are written from her perspective when the kids are older (present time), I, like Aunt Annette, wanted to smack her quite a few times for acting like her other kids didn't matter.

Here are my favorite quotes:

“In my previous life, I was a civil attorney. At one point I truly believed that was what I wanted to be – but that was before I’d been handed a fistful of crushed violets from a toddler. Before I understood that the smile of a child is a tattoo: indelible art. It drives my sister Suzanne crazy. She’s a finance whiz who decimated the glass ceiling at the Bank of Boston, and according to her, I’m a waste of cerebral evolution. But I think half the battle is figuring out what works for you, and I am much better at being a mother than I ever would have been as a lawyer. I sometimes wonder if it is just me, or if there are other women who figure out where they are supposed to be by going nowhere.”\

Sara’s thoughts in response to the diagnosis about Kate’s leukemia – “This is happening to us because I yelled at Jesse last week, yesterday, moments ago. This is happening because I didn’t buy Kate the M&M’s she wanted at the grocery store. This is happening because once, for a split second, I wondered what my life would have been like if I’d never had children. This is happening because I did not realize how good I have it.”

“There are pictures of me, too, but not many. I go from infant to about ten years old in one fell swoop. Maybe it’s because I was the third child, and they were sick and tired of keeping a catalog of life. Maybe it’s because they forgot. It’s nobody’s fault, and it’s not a big deal, but it’s a little depressing all the same. A photo says, You were happy, and I wanted to catch that. A photo says, You were so important to me that I put down everything else to come watch.”

“The human capacity for burden is like bamboo – far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.”

“Did I tell Kate I loved her before I put her to bed last night? I cannot remember. I cannot remember at all.”

“When you care more if someone else lives than you do about yourself… is that what love’s like?”

“I wonder if all mothers feel like this the moment they realize their daughters are growing up – as if it is impossible to believe that the laundry I once folded for her was doll-sized; as if I can still see her dancing in lazy pirouettes along the lip of the sandbox. Wasn’t it yesterday that her hand was only as big as the sand dollar she found on the beach? That same hand, the one that’s holding a boy’s; wasn’t it just holding mine, tugging so that I might stop and see the spiderweb, the milkweed pod, any of a thousand moments she wanted me to freeze? Time is an optical illusion – never quite as solid or strong as we think it is. You would assume that, given everything, I would have seen this coming. But watching Kate watch this boy, I see I have a thousand things to learn.”

“I realize then that we never have children, we receive them. And sometimes it’s not for quite as long as we would have expected or hoped. But it is still far better than never having had those children at all.”

“See, as much as you want to hold on to the bitter sore memory that someone has left this world, you are still in it. And the very act of living is a tide: at first it seems to make no difference at all, and then one day you look down and see how much pain has eroded.”

After looking at who I quoted the most, I see that maybe I sympathize with Sara more than I thought! Almost all my quotes are from her. :o)

Annette on "my sister's keeper"

I answered most of the question you posted. At the end…I added a few more of my own that I got off the internet. In general I liked this book although at times I found it hard to read because the book really raised more questions than it answered or that could be easily answered. Because the viewpoint of the story kept switching between the characters, I would be just getting comfortable with one view point and one set of opinions when I was faced with a different set of “facts” and emotions. This was ultimately very effective and true to life. Because the issues that faced the family were not simple or easily answered. It was a messy situation.

Reread the Prologue. Who is the speaker? Is it the same person you thought it was the first time you read it?

No, I thought it was Anna. In fact if I hadn’t read this question I still would have thought it was Anna. It is interesting how she also felt she didn’t “exist” except in relation to Anna.

Why is Jesse’s behavior so aberrant, while until now, Anna has been so compliant?

Anna actually remains compliant to the end really given that she is doing what she is doing at Kate’s request. She is doing what she always has done, sacrifice for Kate. Jesse? He is trying to be visible. He is trying to matter. He is trying to get someone, anyones attention.

What might be a possible reason for Brian’s fascination with astronomy?

Escape maybe? Trying to make sense of the unknown and the unknowable. Maybe he is trying to find a moment of peace in the midst of a crazy world.

Page 98. When Kate mouths to Jesse “tell Anna”…what do you think she was trying to say?

…I think perhaps “tell Anna to say no”…or to tell her this is Anna’s chance to help her die…by refusing to do it. Or to say..."this is it". The book doesn't say it...but its obvious that Jesse also knew how Kate felt and what Anna's real motifcations were...at least I think he did.

Page 122. Who understood better how to “help” Kate…Sara or Anna.
I think that they both did in their own way from their own perspective and experience. Anna certainly was closer perhaps to Kate’s fears and desires…but Sara could see a different picture and a different future.

Did Anna do the right thing honoring Kate’s wishes?

I don’t know if it was the “right” thing…but I would have done the same thing. With hindsight we know that the kidney transplant was a good thing and gave Kate a life (which she never imagined)…so with hindsight it was the “wrong” thing. But none of us can make decisions with the benefit of hindsight. I know Anna did it with enormous love because it was so hard for her to do and was opposite from what she would have done on her own. She really felt as though it was an act of love for Kate. But also there was a "selfish" component which she would be free at last from being the eternal "drug" for Kate. But I don't believe that was really it...I think she did it only because Anna asked her.

Do you think it was unfair of Kate to ask Anna to refuse to donate a kidney? Hmmm…unfair. What was “fair” about Kate’s life or Anna’s for that matter. I think it was something that a person could only ask of someone who they truly love and who truly loves them. It was a huge burden to ask of Anna because had she actually not been a donor, Kate would have died. And Anna would have lost her sister and would have to live with her decision and life without Kate….which I think would have been hard on her and would have been difficult in her relationship with her parents. So it was asking an awful lot from a 13 year old (it would be a lot to ask of an adult!). But if Kate couldn’t ask her sister, who could she ask?

On page 142, Brian says that when rescuing someone from a fire, that “the safety of the rescuer is of a higher priority than the safety of the victim, Always.” How does this apply to his role in his own family? I think those views are why he (at least for a time) supports Anna’s decision. I believe its why he could see past just what Kate needed. How he felt empathy (perhaps more empathy) for Anna’s life.

On page 149 Brian is talking to Julia about astronomy and says, “Dark matter has a gravitational effect on other objects. You can’t see it, you can’t feel it, but you can watch something being pulled in its direction.” How is this symbolic of Kate’s illness. I’m not sure…perhaps that the cancer is always there…always sneaking up and changing Kate’s life and her course in life. And that when she is ill, everything revolves around her and in some ways sucks the life out of the family.

Do you agree with Brian’s decision to not turn Jesse in? Again…I don’t know if it’s “right” in a legal sense (in fact I'm sure it isn't "right" in the legal sense), but I can understand it and would have done it also. For several reasons, first I believe it really was a cry for help not a sign of psychopathic behavior. Second, I believe that the family and their situation really helped create the situation. I really thought it was a bad idea to give such a young man/boy so much independence and isolation by living in the garage and turning a blind eye to his drugs and drinking. I realize that they had so much going on with Kate that it was difficult…but I’m not sure I would have done the same thing. They really were in some ways sacrificing more than Anna’s comfort and health…they really in many ways abandoned Jesse…not intentionally of course. But nonetheless they really created the environment of isolation that Jesse was wallowing in. And finally…I’m not sure the family could have survived if Jesse had been arrested and jailed. I’m pretty sure that Sara would have completely fallen apart…I often felt she was barely holding on as it was.

Do you believe it’s ethical to conceive a child that meets specific genetic requirements? I don’t really like it and I think that there can be many unaddressed negative issues that are raised. For instance, in this case…if the family had had counseling, advice, and support on how to best support Anna (and jesse) perhaps it would have been better for her, for Kate, for the parents. But I don’t think much of the idea of “creating children” to fit certain bills (like picking the sex)…What if people start picking for skin color, eye color? First..I worry about parents who think those things are that important. Then I ask myself would I have created a child to save my other child…I must admit…I don’t know the answer. I can understand the desparate desire to save my first born. On the otherhand...Sara and Brain started out by only wanting the cord blood...they didn't know where the road was going to take them and how much they were going to end up asking of Anna.




What is your opinion of Sara? Did you find yourself criticizing her? Emphatizing with her? Or both? Does she neglect her other children? What would you have done in her shoes? Does she unwittingly forget Anna and Jesse or do you think she chooses to neglect them…either because she is saving a little energy or to perhaps even punish them for being healthy? Normal?

I must admit I was more often critical of her than I felt sorry for her or emphasized with her. I mean I did emphasize with her…but…I found myself sometimes wanting to shake her and ask her to see her other children. I wanted her to be more like Brian. In some ways I sometimes felt that it was beyond just wanting to save Kate. It was a control thing, the need to fix things…and when things didn’t go right…she had to admit failure. I’m a control freak, so I can understand this…but still…I still can’t believe how they let Jesse go…it was kind of like…oh well…let’s just hope he doesn’t get in TOO much trouble. I felt worse for Jesse than I did for Anna. He was so isolated.